HIV/AIDS - Is it normal to be THIS scared?

You can never be too cautious AIDS is a deadly virus so always be careful

 

Hi joe
You are of course doing the right thing by being cautious. It is vital to remember that you are the most important person in your life, and looking after your health comes first. In the uk, the MSM group still has the highest proportional transmission rate of HIV , so of course I can understand why you are concerned. And your statistic of 1 in 20 was an estimate released by the HPA (uk public health) last year.

Firstly remember that as long as you practice safe sex your actual risk of becoming infected with any STD including HIV is greatly reduced. It seems that you would rather get to know someone first before losing your clothes, which is super. Why not suggest to any future partner that you want both of you to go to the std clinic, before having sex. This is not an unreasonable suggestion. Almost all my female (straight) friends made their boyfriends do this before having sex.

HIV is a very treatable condition these days and ,in the uk, people have a near normal life expectancy. Of course it still has huge social and psychological implications and prevention is much better than 'cure'. Always make sure to stay safe.

Nicxx

 

Yes, there's definitely a reasonable limit to what length you go to to protect yourself from contracting HIV (and other STDS). At the extreme end the only way to 100% guarantee you never get HIV is to never come into contact with another person again - no one is going to suggest this as a reasonable way to protect yourself.

The good news is you are practically 100% safe provided you are careful with your choice of sex partners (HIV is far more common among groups who have casual sex with strangers) and you use condoms and lube. Going to get a check with your partner is a good idea, although isn't always practical or possible to do this - and the results aren't always reliable depending on various factors such as how long it was since contraction.

I'm going to assume since you are 25 you're looking to be having sex with people of a similar age. HIV rates overall may be 1 in 20 for gay men, but that is skewed by those that are older - the rate is lower for those in their 20s. Of course this doesn't mean you can take more risks, it just means you don't need to worry unnecessarily as much (the "1 in 20" figure is quite frightening on its own).

I think one thing you should do is to be open about your concerns about STDs with any partners you have. Not only will having it out in the open help with your anxiety and remove that whole 'unsure' feeling, it'll also let you know how your partner feels about STDs, as if they react badly to you telling them this they probably aren't someone you want to be having sex with anyway (and conversely, if they react well then they are probably also cautious and are going to be safe).

 

First, sir, there is no such thing as risk free sex. Second, the risk of seroconversion when safer sex practices are used is very low. I'll have to dig up the study again, but I think the seroconversion rate was on the order of like 1/1000, and most cases were caused by a lapse in the use of said safer sex practices.

In general, I'd say if you're that worried, then you have to simply learn more about the mechanics of safer sex. For example, a condom needs to be well-lubricated to protect you (and of course, the lubrication has to be compatible with the condom material). The reason for that is that in addition to making anal reception easier and more pleasurable for you, it also reduces friction on the condom, which is critical to minimize the chance it will break. Another thing you can do to minimize that chance is by changing the condom at least every fifteen minutes.

If you are penetrating, you should be wearing a condom even if you are 100% sure that your partner is not infected, just because of the possibility of urinary tract infection.

In my opinion, the healthy way to think of casual sex, or sex with a new and incompletely trusted long-term partner is that they either don't know their STI status, or they are lying about it.

Ziester Adrian.

 

Hello Joe

You are of course right to be concerned about HIV/STDs and your sexual health however you should also think of your mental health.

As someone who only realised I was gay much later in life I can assure you that not having sex can cause you serious mental issues, assuming you are not asexual. To go without something that is a perfectly natural need will over time also have a negative effect on you psychologically. We all need intimacy and love (with the same person if possible) to have a balanced mind.

Many years ago, and long before I had any idea I was gay, my best friend who was gay died from AIDS so I have a very real first hand reason for wanting to avoid HIV at all cost. A few years ago, and before I had fully admitted to myself I was gay, I found myself in the crash room of the local hospital with heart problems and thought I was going to die that night. As I lay there in crash room I thought of all the missed opportunities in life. I knew that back in the 80s I could have had unprotected sex with my gay friend as an experiment and could myself have later died as a result, but at least I would have lived and experienced life as it should have been for me. All I wanted to do that night was die in the crash room because living without true intimacy as a gay man was killing me slowly. I recalled a line in one of the Bond Films “What’s the point of living if you don’t feel alive”.

All turned out well that night and my determination to live a fulfilling life as a gay man enjoying intimate contact with others returned even though I have the painful reminder of my friend’s death. Life is all about making informed choices; we all know that walking across a busy road could result in a death much quicker than any STD including HIV and yet we do it every day.

As I move forward with my life I have informed myself about STDs and understand the risk. I have started with the gay man’s health screening program at the local STD Clinic (Since you are in Manchester, I went to Withington Hospital) and been tested for STDs and have had the Hepatitis jabs as recommended. All was ok and they even gave me free condoms and lube.

I know that I have taken all reasonable steps to ensure I play safe so I feel ready to go out now and seek those intimate moments. I also know nothing is 100% safe but compared to other life risks and, provided I continue to play safe and get regular check-ups, I feel the risk of dying from HIV/AIDS is extremely remote. Even if a condom were to break and the other guy told me he was POS provided I went to the STD clinic in the first 72 hours I could start PEP treatment for a month which would greatly reduce my chance of becoming positive. If I was extremely unlucky and did become positive with modern medicine I could still be expected to live getting on for a normal life span.

So my advice to you is get informed about sexual health, get regular sexual health screening and HEP A&B jabs, play safe, and have fun.

Sale Gay Guy


Pret Allez : “Another thing you can do to minimize that chance is by changing the condom at least every fifteen minutes” … Kind of implies long session of multiple 15 minute periods. I would love to be on the receiving end of someone with endurance like that!

 

Whats scary is there are people out there trying to infect as many people as possible and have sex with split condoms purposely, I'm petrified tbh

 

Don't forget that, living in the UK or any other developed country, while AIDs can't be cured, HAART can treat most of the symptoms, and HIV is no longer a death sentence. Of course, that doesn't mean it isn't a bad thing or that unsafe sex isn't dangerous, but there's no need to worry about it that much, especially if you always practice safe sex.

 

Urgh. what the hell? Who does that? Some serious sick people out there.

Yeah I looked it up and got some David Dean Smith who went around infecting people intentionally. I never knew about people like this. Very disturbing.

 

Speaking just from my own personal feelings on the matter I don't think that I would ever have unprotected sex with anyone [male or female] who I had not gone to get tested with. There's just too much shit out there and frankly if they cannot respect my desire to keep myself safe - and if they don't care enough about keeping themselves safe, then they are not worth my time anyways.

 

I wish I could give you a HUG.

I had the exact same fear - it caused me to wait many many years before having sex with another man.

Good luck - and hopefully in time your fear will subside. It's wonderful to be safe, just do it to protect yourself, not to hide yourself - You're too wonderful for the world to miss out on