So, I have been contemplating if I should post this, but I really need help because I am confused. Here it goes... I identify as a gay woman, but during my early 20's, I tried to prove myself that I was still interested in men by sleeping with them. So, pretty much for all of the wrong reasons. However, ever since I started having sex with women, the same cycle started repeating itself again. I discovered that I do not really enjoy sex (receiving) with women, but I enjoying giving without a doubt. I actually enjoy the fantasy of receiving than more the actual act itself. I think I only enjoy it merely because of the power I get from 'being in control.' And once it's my turn--being submissive (receiving), I am no longer aroused, which makes sex very uncomfortable for me. Being touched makes me feel like I am being violated, which is insane. I've never suffered from any sexual trauma, so I am not sure why I am feeling this way. Perhaps, I am afraid of feeling vulnerable and I have tried to let go, but it seems my inability of letting go is involuntary. It is seriously ruining my relationship with my girlfriend because she enjoys giving just as much as I do. I know that my problem is most likely psychological, but I do not know how to fix the problem. I mean, I enjoy and love the emotional connection that I have with my girlfriend and I am attracted to her--I think. Honestly, I'm not even sure what it feels like to be sexually attracted to someone anymore. I spent so many years of my life trying to control my sexual desires that it literally feels like I have re-hardwired my state of arousal :eusa_doh: I'd love any insightful advice, or perhaps you may even feel the same...:help:
Woah. I'm in my twenties and I think I have been sleeping with mem for yje same reason, well at least I know things aren't exactly working down there when I am with men lately. But when I was younger I never had that problem with guys ( even though my first experience was traumatic to an extent ). I am attracted to the men or at least think I am and the experience I have had with one woman did not go down well, I found the fantasy and teasing more sexually arousing than kissing or fooling around but maybe I was too frigid and not as open to it because it still left me curious. Since I have only gotten further with men, I can only reference my experience with them but like you I love giving, and once I am certain he is enjoying what I am doing that turns me on more amd males me so much more comfortable. I don't really enjoy oral because I feel embarrassed about that whole area. And lately because I have been preoccupying my mind with sexual orientation doubts arousal usually doesn't happen. It's like a desert. But the less I think about it and just allow myself to be in the moment to just breathe and pay attention to what is going on that makes it netter for me
This is exactly how I feel when receiving. I am pretty experienced when it comes to women and I'd hate to blame the other woman. I seem to be the common factor, so I am the one with the problem. Perhaps, she isn't the best at giving and requires my assistance, but I feel like I should not have to tell someone how to touch me. I kind of feel like it is their job to find my erogenous zones. That's suppose to be the fun part of foreplay, but it's difficult when you're with someone who is submissive (she hardly ever initiates contact, except for kissing.) I would love to be dominated sometimes; however, I noticed that I contradicted myself. This is why I am so confused-- I love to be in control, but I freak out when I am not in control I have tried to relax and enjoy the moment, but then my mind drifts elsewhere and I am no longer aroused. There have been times where I have pretended to enjoy it, although, I know that is very misleading. So, I'd prefer for my not girlfriend to touch me at all sexually. Too much rambling, but thank you so much for reply. I hope that you when find a woman who makes your next experience mind blowing. It's really unfortunate how one bad sexual experience can make feel at odds.
