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Why is it scary somedays and fine on others?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by momart, Nov 12, 2013.

  1. momart

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    Hi there.
    First I would like to apologise in case I accidentally offend anyone.

    Some days I think I am capable of having lesbian sex. Some other days like today it terrifies me. Why is rhis?

    I also have feelings of defensiveness or feel vulnerable around people who I think are attracted to me or where I feel they want to have sex with me.

    For example, I have a friend coming down this Thursday. Girl who I love to bits, but she was my first experience with a girl too which was a bit awkward and I couldn't do anything more than kiss, so at times I am excited because I think "yay - let's make up for the first time" and at other times like right now the thought of having sex with her is making me so anxious and nervous and sick. I think she is attractive but I am not attracted to her, but I am not aware of whether I am attracted to any women or whether it's just abstract. I can't tell, because my attractions forthe men I like are so intense ( but I can't tell if they are truly genuine either, because of what I've read on this about real attractions, but they do feel real, but I can forget about them too....).

    I'm just freaking out because I finally thought I was trying to be more comfortable with this. And I thought I finally was at a stage where I was more comfortable with letting things happen naturally. :icon_sad:
     
  2. Jeneric

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    Maybe you're just not ready. That's okay. Maybe you just don't know what you like? For example, in her video 'Things I Hate About Gays' (just a rant about the community, she's gay), Arielle Scarcella says, "For the longest time I didn't think I was gay because I didn't look at girls wanting to f... them like my guy friends did. And then I discovered tops and bottoms and... it all made sense."

    But definitely don't let anyone push you into anything. You can do as you like and you can change your mind.
     
  3. pinklov3ly

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    ^ Are these feelings mutual?

    I think what you're experiencing is normal. When I first starting questioning my sexuality, I was terrified to experiment with women, but not so much with men. As I got older, I started to realize that my attraction for women was much more intense then with men. So, for me, that was a huge clue in regards of determining my sexual orientation.

    I had my first real girl on girl experience with my best friend, which was a huge relief because I'd known her for years. However, we only dated for six month because I freaked out and started dating a guy (who is now the father of my kids.) I didn't want to face the truth about my desire for women, so I made room in my closet and stayed there for many years.

    I think you know what it is that you want, but self-doubt/denial can be overpowering. What helped me the most when figuring out my sexuality was realizing how I felt being around women and men. Being around women was electrifying, while being around men was okay. There were times when I'd be hanging out with a guy and things would be going great, but I was secretly wishing that he was a girl. In the end, I discovered that I could connect with women more on an emotional/romantic and sexual level. I finally feel fulfilled, although, I am still working out the kinks. If you want to overcome your fears, you must confront them.

    If possible, try seeking out a woman that you find attractive. Or you could always imagine yourself being with a woman and not just sexually, how does it make you feel? What about being with a guy? You could always make a list of all the qualities that you'd want in a potential partner, man or woman and go from there. If anything, don't rush to figure out everything, give yourself a break.

    I mean, I practically obsessed about my sexuality and it made me very unpleasant to be around. I was so pent up with frustration that I took my anger out on everyone. However, they had/have no idea how much I was/am struggling to accept who I am. For me, it is an everyday process; I go to bed and wake up with the same insecurities, but things are improving. So, if I were you, I'd just let everything go and relax; everything will fall into place, trust me :slight_smile:
     
    #3 pinklov3ly, Nov 12, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2013