:tears:This post might be long, but I would appreciate it if you read it all, unless it's really boring or something .n. But, I'll try not to make it boring...[br][br] I have recently come down with depression, probably S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder.) Since then, I have had the urge to self-harm by biting myself, usually on my hands, often drawing blood. I have come up with a theory as to why I need to bite:[br][br]I have slight sight-to-touch synesthesia, which causes me to experience physical feelings upon seeing something. (Although my synesthesia is not very strong.) For whatever reason, whatever depression is doing to my brain has also stopped my synesthesia. I had never actually noticed the synesthesia, until now, since it has shut off. (In fact, there is a HUGE difference.) Now, when I see an object/person/enviroment, I no longer feel and "absorb" the object, I simply... see it. This is normal for most people, but as a synesthesiac, it is awful for me, since I loved that feeling, and just thought everyone had it. So, since my synesthesia has disappeared, I think by brain is confused by the lack of touch input that is normally fuelled by synesthesia. I guess other touch inputs, such as intense pain via biting, make up for the lack of data I'm used to. PS: Also, the pain feels good, kinda tingly, and it... gives me an erection. *embarrassed* Is any of that possible? Can synesthesia shut off cause of depression? Why does the pain feel good/turn me on? Will my synesthesia come back? Is my theory even possibly remotely correct? It would be awesome to know, if anyone knows the answers to any of these...
I have synesthesia - but had not heard of the sight-to-touch type. I just associate objects and numbers etc with colours. I just think anything that makes you want to bite and draw blood is possibly driven by an underlying anxiety. And (boring) you should ask a doctor about it as EC'ers are not qualified really to give you that sort of advice. Maybe a small amount of meds may calm the desire to hurt. But your doctor is your best bet. Plus some research of your own to find out how you can distract your mind when you find yourself thinking about it. Do you have easy access to a doctor or therapist?
Access to a doctor? No, not really cause no one knows about this. But, techncally, yes, there's a walk-in clinic nearby.
