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Breaking again

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by SalsaSauce, Dec 10, 2013.

  1. SalsaSauce

    Regular Member

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    This comes off as mental health, but believe me when I say that it's affecting my physical health. Please keep that in mind.



    I feel like I'm...going away again. Mentally. When I was with my (ex)boyfriend, I was being...held down to the ground. I felt safe in the fact that I wouldn't go away again. Now? Well, that's over because he felt like we were only friends...and I don't know how to stay here. He helped. Wasn't with him long at all, but he helped. Now I feel terrible if I even bother asking for help.


    Except last night. I needed help so bad...and people did try, but I couldn't...stop myself. For MONTHS I've been ok, but last night...I finally ended that clean streak. I hate it. Myself. Everything. Nothing. I'm just so lost... And I don't want to talk to my mom because she'll just make it so much worse.


    I'm breaking all over again. I'm breaking after months of barely holding onto the seams of myself.
     
  2. TyRawr

    Board Member Full Member

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    Wow, you are really vulnerable right now, I know how that feels, Im sorry.

    Let me start off by saying thank you for sharing your story, its important in getting better that you share what is going on in your life (the dark stuff) with people you trust. That said I think it is imperative that you reach out in your personal life, maybe not to your mom, but maybe a friend or other family member, and even if it makes thing difficult at first, it will help bring you back.

    My second piece of advice is to think about this fundamental feeling of shame I am sensing. Shame is the feeling of not enough (smart enough, thin enough, liked enough, straight enough, ect enough). And then it turns into "who do you think you are" (the voices in your head turn into "he never loved you anyway idiot. Your parents will never accept you. You're crazy")

    That said, I think you need to cultivate courage, authenticity, and vulnerability. Reach out, speak your story of your heart (all of the darkness and the light), and try to be honest to yourself and the people you are sharing with (aka, no comparison, no minimizing how you feel, and no blowing what you feel out of proportion)

    Sending you light and love,