Telling my doctor that I'm gay

I think it's illegal for your doctor to disclose anything about you to other people, confidentiality and all that. So I don't think she's allowed to tell anyone else about your sexuality. It would be beneficial to eventually tell your doctor your sexuality, just to give them a more complete view of you. But unless you're sexually active, it's not really essential.

 

Like Foxywolf said, your doctor can't legally reveal personal information about you due to confidentiality. If you have doubts, you can even bluntly tell her: "I want to keep this confidential."

I've always had the same concerns, not just about gay stuff, but about health matters in general. It's the reason I've always kept a separate doctor from the rest of my family. There was always the concern that something I brought up could in turn become a conversation piece, not out of malice just out of careless disregard for my privacy. "Oh, while I'm thinking about it, how is your <familial relationship to me> regarding <medical issue I saw the doctor for>."

I think all the years I've spent in the closet has made me hypersensitive to privacy issues. So even if a doctor revealed that I had the flu (and the person he talked to about it already knew!) I'd be upset. In my mind, my name should never come up in a conversation with anyone else.

Since this doctor is a really good friend of your sister, I'd imagine I'd feel the same way in your shoes. Personally, I'd change doctors. I've changed doctors in the past when I discovered family members also saw the same doctor.

Is that a bit extreme and overprotective of my privacy? Yes. But I believe strongly that when it comes to my doctors it's important for me to be comfortable discussing things with them. If something is making me uncomfortable, and it makes that difficult it's in my best interest to either have an open and honest conversation with them or change doctors.

I can't recommend that you ditch your current doctor for another one, but I do think it's important to be honest and open. LGBT people have unique health concerns that straight people don't have. As a result it's important to have a doctor that is both aware of those unique health concerns as well as the fact that you're gay so they know what to keep an eye on.

 

so i went to the doctor today to start getting vaccines and to just discuss general concerns. It was weird to say the least. So i told him i was gay and he basically was like what did you come in for today, so i said i wanted to get hep a & b. So he was talking about the vaccines and said the best protection was to not have risky sex, but he never mentioned safe sex, just no sex with men. Then he said that even if there was a thread of a chance to stay married, that i should because it would be worse to get divorced then to stay married and be miserable.

I am thinking that i may need to change doctors

 

Did you mention that Getting Hep A & B vaccines are recommended for all gay men by the CDC?

As for the bolded part, yes, I'd say fuck him. Get a new doctor. You can also call the Medical Board of your state (click here to find it), and file a complaint against your doctor. I'd suggest calling them and talking to them about what happened before filing a complaint.

The "advice" he gave you was not only inappropriate, he was also going against the recommendations of the CDC.

 

I did tell him it was recommended.

The whole experience really left me with a bad taste. I dont think he is too gay friendly. I wanted medical advice, not marriage or lifestyle advice, i have a therapist for that. Plus his only medical advice was to not have gay sex.

The other thing is that my wife also goes to him and he actually told me that she talked to him last year about our marriage struggles. He didnt say anything medically about her, but still i dont think he should say anything to me about her without her permission, makes me wonder if he would tell her anything.

I am definetly going to find a gay friendly doctor once i am done with the vaccines

 

as to the first - not medical advise - that is pastoral counseling, medical advise would have been safest not to ever have sex with anyone - true, no sex no diseases - and then if you do - it does not matter who it is with - use a barrier method. the gender of your partner does not matter


as to the second - he violated ethics - you can report him, he is violating her privacy

 

Echoing givepeaceachanc, and reiterating that you should definitely find a new gay friendly doctor. He may also talk about you with your wife when she goes for her next visit.

You can find a LGBT friendly doctor through the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association (GLMA). (Click here for the link.)

 

Thanks for the advice.

I just remembered he also said to really think it over because once I go to a lawyer he will have my head spinning and convince me that divorce is the only option

The more I think about it, the more it is pissing me off

 

That's because you should be pissed off. He basically told you: "You don't need these vaccines recommended by the CDC, because you shouldn't be gay, and should instead stay married to your wife."

You have every right to be pissed, and if I were in your shoes I'd be pissed as well. You're not visiting him for his personal opinions, and you weren't asking for marriage advice.