Depression :(

I got no advice... I been through this sorta thing, and know better. But I hope you get through... it does change. The pendulum does swing back again.
Hugs!

 

Hi Beware!

So sorry you're feeling this way. I may be wayyy off base here, but I seem to notice a pattern, you said it happened at the start of this year and now reappearing.

Both of these later events occurred during the winter months, you have probably heard about this before but I'll just mention it anyway. You live in a northern country where the sun sets quite early (as it does here), sun sets around 4:30 PM here and I just saw that it sets at 4:07 today in Dublin! Clearly you're farther north than I am!

Have you heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD for short)? It appears some are susceptible to lack of daylight. It's quite prevalent, but there is a treatment that has worked for others: light therapy.

For not much money you can buy special bright lights at the appropriate daylight wavelength that you can use where you work.

So here's a link:

http://gadgetboy.hubpages.com/hub/5-Amazing-SAD-Light-Therapy-Lamps-Reviews-and-Info

Talk it over with your therapist or doctor, they may prescribe it for you.

 

Hey what is your diet like? It can make a big difference I eat paleo so lots of veg meat and fat. Weather has been pretty terrible recently, do you take vitamin D very important as we get no sun here.

I've been through some very rough patches, I find going to the gym helps me a lot if I'm feeling down lifting weights releases a load of feel good hormones. I'd definitely stay away from the drugs. Do you have a pet? Dog you can walk?

 

One thing I can confidently suggest is to go to a clinic for emergency mental health treatment. My mom suggested it when I had my last episode with depression. It's not hospitalization, though that is an option. The way I understand it, you go have a session with the purpose of determining what you need, or just a therapy session to help you get through intense states of depression. I don't really know in detail, you could do a little research if you like. If you have mental coverage, it should cover it.

 

That's OK, one cause does not exclude the other, but everyone above is right, you need to get help, and soon, before it gets worse.

 

yeah... and when it gets that bad, I wouldn't rule out anti-depressents. Just be careful that if go that route, you have a Pdoc who specializes in affective disorders. If you are someone with mood swings, an anti-depressent, especially an SSRI like Prozac and others, can trigger major manic episodes. And it's way important to be seeing a therapist at the same time, not just someone who doles out pills, cause there's a dangerous period coming out of deep depression, when the anit-depressents have only lifted one out of lethergy, but not yet back to stable level--so still depressed, but now with the energy that wasn't there before, to actually do harm to oneself. There is a pattern of suicides in the first weeks--which talk therapy is HUGELY helpful in dealing with.
So there I go--no advice I said. I can tell you though, I have been trough this. I was on lithium (I'm bipolar), Welbutrin, Klonopin, Propralonol to stop the tremors from the lithium... la la la. If there is any tendency to mood swings, it's way important to have a mood
stabalizer as well as the anti-depresent.
I hope you find a good therapist who KNOWS about affective (mood) disorders.

Good part ... I've been medication free for 15 years. Lotta things you can do with lifestyle--sleep patterns, not pushing to be functional when emotionally, you're NOT.
Hugs!

 

You could try saint johns wort, it's banned here (evil pharmaceutical companies don't like competition) but works I'm sure you can get it online.

 

I've been where you are know, I battled depression and self-harm for years during high school.

My parents made me go to see a psychiatrist and she put me on antidepressants. There are some really nasty side effects; instead of feeling sad I felt empty. Like literally nothing. It was super scary actually. The first couple of weeks when I was on antidepressants, I actually felt even worse than I did before I started taking them. I was suicidal and had some really dark thoughts...but eventually that went away. I had to change antidepressants a couple of times because we couldn't find a drug which helped me without turning me into a zombie. We eventually found a drug which suited me, and I took it for almost two years before stopping. Coming off it was super difficult, the side effects of coming off that drug were even worse than the ones I had when I took it. I was on antidepressants and was in therapy at the same time, so I don't know for sure which treatment helped me, but I definitely got better. It just took me a while. I was pretty bad for a year or so, but then it started to get better. I'd completely stopped self harming and stopped taking antidepressants when I was 18. I'm now 23 and I've only relapsed once, which happened last year. I would be lying if I said I didn't have thoughts of hurting myself still but now when I feel like cutting, I go for a run or take a hot shower instead.

I learned that having some stability in your life really helps you. Try to go to bed at the same time every day, and also try to wake up at the same time. I know it's really difficult, but try to eat something four or five times a day. Go outside and go for a walk if you feel like you could do that, because exercise really helps. Try not to shut other people out, I know that's the hardest thing to do but try to hang out with someone from time to time. If you trust your boyfriend, tell him exactly what's going on with you and I'm sure he'll understand. When I was depressed, being alone with my thoughts only made me feel even worse.

Hope this helps.

 

I know how you feel as like many others here I've also have struggled with serious depression in the past and attempted suicide. Now that I'm older, it's something I always strive to keep in check, but sometimes low points can just sneak up on you.

In my experience, the best thing that I can do is immediately attempt to connect with someone. When I notice myself beginning to withdraw, as you're doing right now, it's like a giant warning sign with flashing lights. ...and it's hard to reach out to connect to someone when your depressed and withdrawing, because all you want to do is crawl into the darkest place you can find and just sit there.

Usually when it's happening to me, I'm reminiscing about the past. Shit is just going through my head again and again.

You have a boyfriend, and I'd suggest you tell him what's going on. He knows something is up because you're withdrawing, and unless you tell him what's going on he isn't going to know why. Opening up and being honest about what's going on is insanely important, even if it feels like it's the last thing you want to do.

You should definitely get back into therapy. I've pretty much decided for myself, at least, I'm going to be in therapy for life. It's just been hugely beneficial to me, and from the sound of it your time in therapy was beneficial to you as well.

 

I am really sorry to hear this, and a lot of the symptoms and attitudes you mention are classic manifestations of serious depression. You may have to start up with a therapist again. That's where I am headed in a few minutes. Sometimes, they can help - either to have someone to talk through things with, or frame things in a different manner so that one's perspective can change. Forget the mind-altering stuff. It's just plain bad. But then so are the escapes of sorts, and I'm guilty of those. Please get professional help if this state remains or deepens. I am sure that many on this forum struggle or have struggled with depression. I'm proud of you for your humility and honesty. That says a lot.

 

I'm the same way. I just have to remind myself that it's my head playing games with me, and attempting to get me to withdraw even further. Your boyfriend already senses something is wrong with you, so right now all you're doing is leaving him in the dark. I know if I were in his position, the worst possible situation to be in would be not knowing, because there is a chance that I could start to blame myself. Being told allows me to be useful and helpful as compared to useless and helpless.

I know that when I feel the way that you feel, reaching out for support is absolutely critical. It's the hardest thing we have to do, especially when we're slipping into a dark place and are beginning to withdraw... and the only alternative is to keep slipping further and further. It's the first step toward turning the tide and clawing our way back out.

 

I can really recommend to go to a TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) therapist. At least it's what's been helping me.
I went through many ups and downs this year and ended up depressed as hell. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't study, I didn't want to go outside the house,... I was just thinking lots of crap and kept worrying about everything.
I've been taking some Chinese herbal medicine and started to do qigong exercise daily for 2 weeks now and have to say I feel much better. On recommendation I've also changed my diet a little bit.

 

A phrase I like that helps me

Depressed =living in the past
Anxious = living in the future
Inner. Peace = living in the present

You can't do anything about the first two only the last one !

Feel better soon

 

Unfortunately, the present is fleeting and hard to define. Sure, you should be enjoying that movie, that cup of coffee, that camping trip, and that vacation, but the past weighs on people and the future needs to be attended to through planning.

Therefore, I think I have always been depressed and anxious. While I may enjoy things in the present, the past and the future seem to loom overhead.

I think that such feelings are shared by many on this forum. That's why I am pissed by mental health professionals who just want to deal with the present. I had one like that. My current one is willing to go through my chronology (the past). We've decided that, after we do that, we can explore things more deeply. I like that.

 

Tightrope -

You're right to an extent, but what I've learned that is really helpful is the art of being mindful. This is something that I picked up from learning meditation, which is really just learning to focus on your breath.

It's almost impossible for me to have other thoughts or "chatter" in my head (whether anxious thoughts or depressed thoughts) when I'm focusing my attention on some part of my body, particularly a sensation. Breathing is the obvious choice, since it's something we do all the time, but often ignore.

I'd encourage anyone to try it: Take a moment to focus on your breath and it's rhythms. Then once your attention is focused there, try to think about something in the past or the future, while also KEEPING your focus on your breath. If your mind slips, and you begin to focus on something else, redirect it back to your breath.

You'll notice that you can't do both at the same time. It's one of the tricks I use to calm myself when I'm feeling anxiety and my thoughts are racing. It's not 100% effective, but it can help a lot if you get in the habit of doing it.

 

Daniel Kahnemann, nobel-winning psychologist, came up with the idea that there are two selves within us: the experiencing self and the remembering self.

The experiencing self is the now, he estimates it lasts about 3 seconds and then it is gone forever. The remembering self is actually a story-teller. It's in the word: re-membering, bringing back memories...but the problem is, these are stories, controlled by an author who would rather not remember certain things or embellish others.

We are witnesses to our lives, but the reliability of witnesses is a great big question. Unfortunately this is all psychologists have to work with.