I've struggled with depression in the past, been hospitalized for self harm before. Diagnosed with bipolar and I am currently treated for bipolar and anxiety. I had been doing really well. I'm dating this boy who is impossibly sweet to me, my friends are hilarious, and mom and I had been doing better.....then I started having these realizations that I had been suppressing for years. I finally admitted that I was a lesbian and lately I feel like I am tip toeing in my own body. I'm constantly angry and mad and I can't explain why most of the time. I've started getting some of the answers that I had been looking for but, I looked up for air and I realized that I have been spiraling myself towards that pit of depression again.
Ugh, Depression. Depression has been my #2 problem my whole life, behind anxiety. (And anxiety was largely what led me into life situations that caused depression to develop). But it sounds to me like you are on the right road toward getting yourself out of depression. You have a boyfriend who is "impossibly sweet" to you (even if boys aren't ultimately your thing), and "hilarious friends" who no doubt care about you a great deal. In my personal case, my depression is driven on by the fact that I don't have either of those things in my life. I'm seeing four therapists right now (psychologist, psychiatrist, two social workers), I'm on multiple medications, and yet I still don't feel like I'm making any progress because I'm lacking the kind of support structure you seem lucky enough to have around you. Take advantage of what you have, spend lots of time with your boy and your friends, go out and have fun, those are the best ways to dig yourself out of depression naturally. But I would still second the suggestion that a good talk therapist could really help you sort things out to realize all the good things you have in your life while confronting and addressing some of the bad parts. It sounds like you have a lot of insecurities and self-hatred built up within you about being lesbian that could really be sorted out with the help of a good therapist. Now if you have all these positive things going on in your life, and you're still unable to experience happiness or pleasure (anhedonia), and talk therapy isn't helping, only then would I suggest seeing a psychiatrist to try medications. Otherwise there are some natural herbs and supplements you could try to help to cope with the depression. Good luck, but rest assured you're not alone when you get that feeling you're spiraling into a never-ending depression. (*hug*)
Yeah I have been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for years, but I haven't really brought up my sexuality in therapy yet. My therapist tries to bring it up and I dodge it like a bullet...probably about time I talk about it.
I have struggled with depression my whole life. It can be very difficult to cope with hiding something that is inherently part of you. When I was in high school I had a lot of shame and guilt around my hidden sexual preferences. It was hard to admit the truth, even to myself. Congratulations on having the courage to admit that you are a lesbian. That is a great first step, as it will let you express some of the feelings that you may have been burying. You may find it helpful to share this revelation with someone you can trust. Ideally a neutral party who won't have any strong reactions to your admission. Your therapist would be a good person to talk to, although a friend may also be a good avenue if you're not comfortable sharing with your therapist. If you're not ready to tell someone in person, you can always share your feelings online too! As for coping with depression specifically, I can say that after trying a number of different medications, the most helpful thing for me was a type of therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. My psychiatrist gave me a workbook that I can complete on my own time, at my own pace. It has been very helpful for me in working through those depressive spirals you described. It is understandable for you to be feeling depressed. I have been there, and know how hard it can be. When I used to get angry, I would draw in a notebook. Somehow it helped to put something down on paper. I wish you the best. You're definitely not alone in this.
