Hello, I'm new here and looking for any advice I can get. I've been in a relationship for a few months now with a man and we've had sex numerous times. He was my first, and the first time we had sex, it was naturally uncomfortable and painful for me, but there was no usual "blood". Every time after, after all these months, it still remains an uncomfortable experience for me. I feel immense pain, especially the harder and deeper he goes during the time it goes on. I enjoy the "foreplay" stuff we do together (I won't go into detail, but I'm sure you can guess). But when it comes to full-blown sex, I dread it every time. I've talked to a couple of girl friends, and they have told me that it doesn't hurt them anymore when they have sex. So I guess my question is, is it normal that it still hurts when we have sex? And is it normal that I haven't lost blood at all?
I think that's normal... Everyone's different - for me, I was lucky enough that sex doesn't hurt at all. Not even the first time, which was a pleasant surprise. Do you think more foreplay would help loosen you up? It sounds like you already do it, but maybe trying some more will help make things more comfortable. Good luck and sorry I'm not much help!
Hi Hopeful, thanks for your quick reply! The foreplaying definitely turns me on and everything, but as soon as the actual sex begins I lose any energy I had before for it. It just becomes painful. I'm not sure if I should tell him because I don't want him to take it in a bad way...but at the same time, I don't know if I can go on much longer with the same experience. Should I let him know?
I can't tell you why it may hurt, but I can tell you it is completely normal that you didn't bleed the first time. You shouldn't bleed in the first place. Here is a video to understand that: You Can't POP Your Cherry! (HYMEN 101) - YouTube As far as the hurting goes, I suggest maybe researching it or ask a doctor about it, specifically a gynecologist. I just say that because we aren't professionals and maybe they would have a better idea. I suggest letting him know because, as your partner, he does deserve to know this information, even if it may bother or hurt him.
Thanks for your reply Goodnyte. That video was informative. I guess I am still pretty inexperienced when it comes to all things sexual. And I've had a feeling for a while I should tell him. You just hear all these things all the time about not hurting a man's ego, but I guess it is better to take the chance. Guess all in all I just needed a little encouragement! :icon_wink
there's lots of variables in play here. first off vaginas come in different sizes like male penises come in different sizes to put it bluntly. So is his size too big/long ?Also how wet you are for intercourse can cause it to be painful if you are too dry. The man if he is a straight man should know part of making love to you is putting his hands on you in a sexual way to loosen you up and relax you to make you ready to receive him. I mean he should know how to touch your face and hair and work is way down with his hands talking to you in a sexual way also looking into your eyes telling you how beautiful your eyes, hair, skin, etc. are. I noticed when I had my bisexual boyfriend that sex for him was mechanical and he assumed my body worked like his. This made for a horrible sexual experience for me every time. It took me awhile, in fact until recently that I realized those years I was with him and observe him having sex with other men to satisfy his gay tendencies how different sex could be between 2 men and a man and a woman. Us women need more then the mechanical 2 have a enjoyable sexual experience.you mentioned foreplay but if he is not starting with his hands and looking deep into your eyes and telling you how beautiful you are then you are definitely not getting good foreplay. Instruct him to do that in the beginning and to continue with his hands during intercourse and you will see a difference in your experience. You know your body best and that is as detailed as I feel I can be without the mods getting upset, but his hands are key to your sexual experience. For me the more rough his hands feel (like sandpaper) the better! that's the best advice I can give as a straight woman. June
