Okay hi guys, I'm having a little trouble. So I'm seeing a guy and he has HPV. He has a strain that causes warts, but I like him despite this and decided that it was okay as long as we were careful (I'm also currently in the process of getting my Gardisil shots, I have 2/3 so far). However, I'm really worried about the spread of it. We've done things that weren't too risky, like I gave him a handjob and he gave me one. We made out also. The thing I'm most worried about though is that he gave me oral (not the other way around), and I know he has it in the genitals, but I just don't want my first sexual experience to lead to HPV. We haven't done anal and if we do we will be really careful and I will make sure we are using a condom and wait until I receive my last shot. I'm just a little stressed out cause this is my first romantic experience and I don't want to get anything. I just want some advice or opinions on the probability of getting it from the handjobs and him performing oral on me.... Thank you all in advance.
One of my former partners had HPV. It can be passed on through genital contact if he has any warts present on his penis/testicles. There are different strains that can also be present on in the mouth and throat... I am not trying to make it seem scary though. HPV is a fairly common STI, and you are taking the right measures to protect yourself. Use condoms, and try to avoid direct contact with any warts he may have. You are both communicating, and that is the key. Since you are getting vaccinated, just try to focus on low-risk activities like touching and oral (he could always wear a condom if you wanted to go down on him!) until the vaccinations are finished. Good for you for not alienating him. If you keep talking and staying open, this will become something that you can easily deal with over time.
I don't think you can get it from a handjob. Always use a condom and maybe even get him to wear tight underwear to prevent spreading from his testicles. And make sure you wait the proper time between gardasil shots and don't get them too close together. If he doesn't get warts in his mouth or throat, you aren't going to get infected by making out. Do you know what type he has and if the gardasil protects you from it?
You're absolutely doing the right thing by getting the vaccine; however, you need to avoid sexual contact until the vaccines have been completed and you get the go ahead by your physician to proceed with sexual activity. It might be a good idea, if you haven't already done so, to tell your doc that your partner has HPV, that way he/she can advise you on how to avoid it in the meantime and exactly when you can safely begin sexual contact. Remember, the vaccine is only effective before contracting HPV; for this reason, current medical literature advises all teens to get the vaccine before becoming sexually active. And as a side note, getting the vaccine doesn't even necessarily imply sexual activity is on the horizon...some physicians advise pre and early teens to get the vaccine as a default in anticipation that they will become sexually active at some point (i.e.human nature).
Thank you guys for your feedback. I am trying my best to be cautious with this, but also be open and accepting for him. He notices that I don't always reciprocate, and he understands, but it seems like he's disappointed that I'm "scared" or something. I explained to him that I always gotta think about the consequences of my actions, and even if we end up getting serious, I need to do what's best for my body too. I tried to talk to him and basically explain that he didn't ask to receive the disease so he should understand that it isn't something he wants to spread to others. Idk I feel like he doesn't want to wait until I complete my vaccination since that'll take til May, but I am tired of clouding my rejection of sex with him by telling him I'm just not ready (which is actually true too, but mainly because of the HPV). I like him a lot and I like getting intimate but I'm not ready to take the big step and do something that can affect me the rest of my life. I just don't know how to tell him this.
You have clearly been very open, honest, and respectful. You have not judged him or alienated him, high five! However, there is nothing wrong, whatsoever, about being safe. If he cannot *respect you* enough to be alright with doing the safe thing and waiting until the vaccines are complete, then that is an issue on his end, not yours. You should respect him, as you have, but demand respect for yourself as well. Do what is in your best interests, regardless if he wants to cooperate, I say. Best of luck to you.
I wanted to touch on a few things that I didn't point out. First off, seeing as he has a strain that causes warts there is about a 90% chance that he has either type 6 or 11 I believe, both of which Gardisil protects against. Second, we have very open communication about this, but he still doesn't seem to understand that I am doing everything in my power to take the best care of my body while also keeping him and his sexual wants satisfied. I have already made it clear that making the decision to go all the way would be huge and risky for me and I have the 90% chance to avoid getting something that would affect my sexual life forever basically. Problem is, such a long wait (til May), and his more open sexuality as opposed to my more reservedness is causing conflict as he doesn't want to get nothing in return (I want to return the favor to him too tbh), but I don't want to risk a whole lot. I just don't know about how to feel about our relationship right now, but I guess that goes under a different forum...
I think that you are right to protect yourself and your future by waiting until May, and if he can't respect that, then that's the main issue that needs to be addressed.
