So after being recently dumped by my now ex bf I went out and got in contact with this guy I had hooked up with once a year ago but we kinda just faded out and stopped talking. Recently we've started talking again and things are going great. He's a really affectionate and romantic guy and things are getting to the point we're both dying to do anal. The only problem is he's a complete top (which I'm totally fine with and actually prefer) and though I consider myself a bottom I have yet to actually ever bottom. I've topped before but I don't enjoy it nearly as much as just being fingered. I was afraid of risking a negative reaction if I told him I was a bottom virgin so I lied and told him I'd bottomed before but only 4 times because it takes work to get it in and most guy's aren't willing to be patient. He said he's fine with that which makes me even more comfortable but I'm worried because we had a talk and he told me considering I'm really tight he's run into the problem before of not being able to open someone up for him and it makes him feel as if he's inadequate. I would hate for him to feel that way because of me. With that being said, does anyone have any tips for relaxing my butt when he's going in? Even with him just rubbing his finger there I tense up a little out of instinct and I need to find a way to let it just go in. I already know I need lots of lube, especially with this being my first time.
As a person that has bottomed a few times and uses dildos frequently i find that if i am clean back there it is easier to relax which means douche or water irrigation knowing you are not going to make a mess helps. And you are correct that lots of lube is necessary. It will be uncomfortable at first but I love the feel of receiving anal. But you might have to come clean and let him know that it is your first time. If he knows that you haven't done anal before then he can be careful so you don't injure yourself or him. It takes just takes time.
You've said you've been fingered before so that's helpful in understanding and becoming comfortable with your body. (A bit of "practice" with either fingering or some toys before hand can help you become used to the feeling, it let's you know what to expect and how to "relax" yourself. It also has the benefit of being as slow as you need it to be.) As previously said, being clean can help put your mind at ease about that, and lots of lube is a must. Other than that, don't stress to much, as dumb as it sounds to say that, freaking out just makes you tense. Foreplay is also a great help in calming down and relaxing things "down there". When it's time just relax and focus on breathing, take your time, be safe and you'll be fine (and happy). I would suggest telling him it's your first time, there's no shame in it. (He might even feel honored that he's worthy of being your first!) That way he knows to go slow. Remember you are in charge. Lastly, have fun.
Hmm well I am female but lets just say I have some experience in the rear area Fingering and play with toys can help your body to get used to the feeling for sure! Play on your own and see how that goes...while playing around if you find you tense take a moment hold the toy or your hand still and take a few deep calming breaths and try to relax down there. Practice can help. The very first time with the real thing it is harder to relax...basically you need to be very calm and very aroused. Lots of lube is a definate, you can basically never have too much and if it feels like you need more dont hesitate to speak up! it will make it easier on both of you if you communicate what you need during. A make out session, relaxing atmosphere, hot bath or even a full body massage beforehand can help you to relax. Try not to over think it beforehand, just go for total relaxation if you can (I know it's difficult when you are gearing up for the big first time but it really truly helps) Ask him to please take it very slow at first (again communication is really the key I found) with just a little pressure and be sure to breath and relax, then ask him to push in just a little and then stop, don't get discouraged if you need to ask him to stop and you breath and re-relax several times to achieve full entry (it's worth it in the end You may feel a quick bite of pain at certain points as there are a ton of nerve endings in there. Dont get discouraged, i find this means more lube is needed or a slight withdrawl and longer pause and relax hope that helped and best of luck ---------- Post added 13th Jan 2014 at 09:28 PM ---------- oh and yes I would highly suggest telling him this is your first time. There is no shame in it darlin, everyone has to have a first time with each new sexual experience and it will help him to help you with it if he knows its your first time
I think it's great that you've been fingered already (and an extra plus that you enjoyed the sensation). When I did anal for the first time, I hadn't had anything up my butt before and I don't know, I now wish I'd been fingered a couple of times before we actually fucked. He did finger me a little bit before he fucked me but I hadn't had time to familiarize myself with the sensation of having something up my butt and as a result of that, my first time wasn't very good. I would recommend you to go slow and if you feel like he's going too fast, you need to tell him. If my boyfriend does things to me while penetrating me, like kissing me or stroking my face or touching me down there, it helps me relax because it makes me focus less on the actual penetration. Also don't forget to breathe - I sometimes find myself holding my breath and that makes relaxing really difficult. ladylovelylocks has given you some great advice. Lots of lube is a must. A long make out session beforehand is probably needed and for me, the more foreplay we have the better the sex will be because it helps me relax. Make him finger you before penetration because I've found that going straight to penetration is pretty painful. Also when he's inside you, don't make the mistake of starting to fuck immediately unless it feels really good. I always ask my boyfriend to stay still for a while once he's fully inside of me because that gives me time to adjust to the feeling and it makes sex much less painful. Also I think you need to tell your guy that you're a virgin. There's no shame in that
