Well, evvies, I've got a weird thing to tell you all. You see, part of this major depression I have is that if life is monotonous for too long, I start to want drama in my life, which I ordinarily wouldn't want. Lately, I've been wanting someone to pick a fight. I want an asshole to start shit and beat me up. I know it's weird, and I only want all this when life feels all empty and my depression hits me really bad. Have any of you out there felt this? This situational masochism? Or rather, this feeling that negative events are better than nothing, if you get what I'm trying to say. Any advice?
I have often felt like that myself. I call it my bad mood looking for an idiot to land on. Recently I have been really annoyed with a lot of people and even more annoyed because just at the point that I was feeling "enough is enough. I am going to tell them the next time they do.." well, they quit. So here I am waiting for them to say something stupid. I have found that if I can spot my mood swings (I get so many LOL) then I can better divert them. I am a big one for laughing at myself so generally I get a giggle over it over my not-so-rational moments and that tends to perk me up enough to get out of the bad moods. I am also a firm believer in the power of Kava Kava. It is an herbal medicine for depression, anxiety, etc. Non addictive and no side effects that I have ever noticed and I am really, really a wimp with meds. If I have a persistent problem with depression or anxiety I take Kava Kava for a few days or weeks until I feel more normal (or as normal as I can get.) I am also a big fan of the vent. Just write all the crap you are feeling down. I did one on here when my friends were pissing me off. I have written vents by hand, typed them on word programs and didn't even bother to save, have saved them, have mailed them to people I was mad at, and have printed them out and burned them to kill the feelings. Love a good vent. Hope you feel better soon.
I feel like that all the time so I just end up like just getting with a guy and then cheating on him just to see the reaction.
I use to feel like that but what i use to do was go on this site can't name it and start fights with a bunch of homophobic people like if i saw they wrote some nonsense and that just use to take care of my fighting needs . But it's been years since I've felt like that .
Just a heads up, but there have been some reports that kava kava has been linked to causing severe liver damage, so I would be weary of using or recommending it until more studies are done and the science can rule out potential liver toxicity. I used to use kava kava, mixed in a bowl with chocolate milk, with soy lecithin to emulsify and potentiate it...one of the most bitter and foulest tastes I've ever experienced. I recall it having a mild intoxicating effect, similar to alcohol. It helped with anxiety, but the same way alcohol does, by intoxication. Anyway, to the OP, that seems like a bit of a strange issue, wanting to get beaten up. Are you seeing a therapist, and have you brought it up with him/her?
I don't know but I think trying to shake things up is pretty normal, I'm thinking the severity of what she wants to happen to her is mostly just an indication of wanting change from her situation.
Yes, this is exactly how I feel. It's really great that I'm understood, and that makes me feel a bit better. And yes, I have group therapy today, so I can bring it up and talk about it. Thanks everyone.
Ever considered exercise? Running? Martial Arts? Simple weight lifting? Get aggression out that way? Feel the burn? Get in shape? I've been in very depressed moods before. Clinical. For a long time, but it does take a while to come out of, even with medicine. Exercise does help in many ways as a more constructive outlet. Consider that over a more destructive approach.
I personally don't experience this but I have a friend who does this. She really enjoys "D and H" or degradation and humilation when she feel like this. Tmi maybe but she calls her boyfriend and gets him to call her various names and worthless so that she can dispute him and begin to feel better about herself, like (her words) "you know what? I'm not a worthless piece of shit! You can't treat me like that!" And then well, I learned more about my friend's extracarriculars than I ever wanted to know. This is a sex fetish but if you have a partner (or even a friend who will fight with you without the sex part) maybe you can try it out? Hopefully that's helpful and I hope you feel better!
