So um, I have been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now and things are great with everything but getting frisky. I have had sex before him and things have gone off with out a hitch. Its been enjoyable with both parties. Its been nothing kinky, just regular sex between two attracted people. But with my boyfriend as of now, every time we go for sex, its just to uncomfortable for me. It becomes very painful while hes inside me. Its a stabbing pain (not in the pleasurable way) and it just gets to painful to tolerate and we have to stop. I would swap and top him but I'm to big for him to handle. He was a virgin when we met, and I have tried stretching him out, we had spent an hour once stretching him with my fingers getting him ready but when it came to the real thing, it was too much. We have also tried multiple positions but nothing seems to work. Is this a medical thing or is his penis just not right for me or something? I'm just very confused. If I could get any help that would be appreciated. Thank you P.S. I have no hemorrhoids, but I had fissures a year ago with no issues since then.
This may sound like a really, profoundly stupid question, but I have to be sure...you are using decent lube right?
Once he's inside a little bit, are you giving yourself plenty of time to 'adjust' down there? It sounds to me like he's pushing in, but you feel that initial sharp pain and tell him to pull back out. It can hurt for a while when it first goes in. Like, 30-45 seconds of sharp pain down there. I'm not sure why it hurts longer sometimes than other times. He just needs to stop after his tip is in to give you time to relax and for your body to adjust. When the pain goes away, he can start going in slowly until he's fully in and you're adjusted. You should be fine after that. If you've already done this, just say so and I'll try to think of something else it could be, but from my experience (with toys), that's what you're describing.
If he is a virgin, then maybe he is simply doing it wrong? Have you tried directing him while he tries to penetrate you?
I do give it some time. I hold myself there until the pain is gone completely. But the pain isn't in the ring. Its on the inside of my body. It's weird and hard to explain, but its discomforting and at times painful. ---------- Post added 29th Jan 2014 at 11:10 AM ---------- I usually take control, I usually penetrate myself, but it still hurts all the same as when he is pushing in.
Have you tried doing anything special to help relax you beforehand? I've only done this a few times, so I'm certainly not the most experienced, but I do know that when I did it, if I wasn't super relaxed it was way more painful.
Do you anally masturbate ever? I use a dildo on myself usually, and when I was inexperienced using it, I found that I lacked a certain patience and tried to penetrate before adjusting to the feel of it. Is it possible he's just going too fast? If you do anally masturbate, what's going on that's different from when he penetrates you?
Me and him are usually softly making out, being close and before hand he nearly always slips a finger or two in to help me open up. But its not the stretching feeling that hurts, its whats going on inside me. Its like hes moving everything inside me around. ---------- Post added 29th Jan 2014 at 11:19 PM ---------- I have with fingers, but not with a dildo no. I have got one on the way to see if its a change in my body, but with whats different. its a deep pain inside. its very hard to describe. Its like he has gone too deep or something.
is it possible that when you two are having sex that he may actually be hitting the curve that is just past the rectum? some people find this mildly to extremely painful.
I found that for me, it was better to either bottom all the time or to not bottom much at all. In between causes issues. So if sex is a weekend thing, for instance, I'd masturbate with a dildo during the week to keep my ass conditioned for it, and that made it much better. Also, I know people have asked if you're using the right lube, and you seem to think you're using the right lube. Are you sure? Are you sure you're sure? Finding the right lube is an artform. My boyfriend and I spent months hammering that one out. It depends what his favorite speed is. If he likes to go fast, something like astroglide. If he prefers to go slow, then some kind of silicone lube will give better tactile sensations. Also depends if you're using condoms or going bareback. And lube that's good for a dildo is not necessarily good for sex.
I have a toy on the way actually, so hopefully i'll be able to help myself here. And I honestly didn't know there was a 'right' lube to use. We have been using KY Jelly because... well its slippery ya know? but as I have explained to others, its more about whats happening inside my body. its kind of like he is mixing up my insides a little. Its weird and very difficult to explain. but thank you for your information, me and him will definitely have a look at some different lubes, maybe some anal lube would be better.
