I'd like to hear from other gay guys here about their thoughts regarding barebacking/safe sex practices. I've been in 2 long term relationships over 18 years. Both of these were exclusive, fluid-bound intimate relationships. My last relationship ended 9 months ago and I've begun to date/hook-up, and have been with two guys in that time. Before I started dating again, just to be honest with them and myself - I got tested for STDs/HIV and as expected, I tested negative. Of course I ask my partners if/when they were last tested and about their safe sex/testing practices. If a guy tells me they are neg and test every three months (and I feel they are trustworthy), then I feel ok with bb sex. Even though I have a supply of condoms in my bedside table drawer, should a date require it, the last two guys have preferred bb. I dated throughout the 80s during the AIDs outbreak and I guess I was very lucky. What's your take? I'm not used to using condoms - are the sensations of intercourse different when using a condom or is there really no difference at all? I understand the arguments for using a condom, but frankly - topping/bottoming bb to climax is a very big turn on. I've also considered going on Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) with Truvada (as a prevention strategy to reduce the risk of HIV infection). Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I haven't had sex yet and I am a girl so I don't know what sex feels like with condoms etc. But from a purely "not wanting to get an STD" side of things then you should use condoms with a new partner. I wouldn't use the Pre-exposure drugs as a preventative way of not getting HIV. Although it doesn't kill you anymore HIV is still a very nasty and serious desease you dont want to be risking the chance of getting it. If you meet someone and start having sex using condoms and if the relationship becomes serious then you could stop using condoms then. But at the beginnig of a relationship always use condoms if you are having sex. Sorry I can't be more helpful on the actual act of having sex, hopefully some gay men will also reply to this post, I just wanted to reply to stress the importance of not exposing yourself to the risk of an STD.
I've never deliberately had BB sex, the one time it happened was because the guy took off the condom without telling me. To tell the truth, had I not seen the condom on the floor I would not have known, so from this very limited (and troubling) experience there is no significant difference in feeling. By the way, that little episode necessitated my going on post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP)for 28 days with Truvada and Kaletra, in combination. The side effects were rather nasty at the beginning but my body adjusted to it within the first 10 days. Truvada as PRE-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is a current use of this drug, however, it is very expensive and relatively new on the market, which means that there is, in my humble opinion (I'm in pharma clinical research), limited long-term safety data. One last point. Currently, the highest rate of new HIV infections is among committed gay male couples. There are no simple explanations for this, but lack of regular condom use and being used to that when there are extra-couple relations may be a factor.
It's your life and your choice. But that's not a risk I would ever, ever take, and here's why: The person who prefers barebacking does it a lot. That means that he's at much higher risk of exposure than someone who always plays safe. And the testing is basically like closing the barn door after the cow has left; all it's testing for is the presence of antibodies to the virus, which don't develop for something between 30 and 60 days after the virus is present and starts replicating. When a person is first infected, the virus starts replicating immediately and rapidly, so the viral load immediately jumps up to very high levels within the first several weeks, because there are no antibodies to slow the virus down. So during this time, the person is at very high risk of transmitting the virus to someone else, yet will still test negative if given one of the standard tests. So if the guy was tested last week, barebacked the day after and got the virus from someone who had it... and you have sex with him this week, the chance of your getting the virus is very high, yet two weeks from now, he will still test negative after having infected you because he hasn't yet developed antibodies. If that doesn't concern you, then... bareback to your heart's content. But it does mean that, eventually, the odds are you will become HIV+. I've talked to a lot of people about this, and I can't tell you how many people I know who said "I know I should use condoms all the time, and I usually do, but sometimes if a guy really doesn't want to, I let him bareback"... and then, 6 months or a year later, are surprised to find themselves HIV positive. And every one of those people has said they really, really wish they'd listened to the people that tried to encourage them to play safe. If done right, the sensation using the condom should be virtually indistinguishable from barebacking. And for my money, the almost-nonexistent sensation difference definitely isn't worth the risk of a lifetime of nasty, toxic drugs with lots of side effects, lowered immunity, and permanent medical problems that you wouldn't otherwise have.
Thank you all for your responses to my post: @Chip: Thank you for your very thoughtful reply. I should have been more clear I think. As for 'sensation' I am versatile, but was referring to sensation for the top. I can't imagine the bottom would have much, if any difference in sensation. Still, IMO of course it is most sensible (if not mandatory) for someone having hookups, or in FWB relationships to protect themselves with a condom. I guess that my experiences, being in fluid bound relationships with trusted partners for long periods of time, makes me feel bb is a perfectly safe practice (only when both partners are honest, trustworthy, and disclose any indiscretions). Your insights into testing are very valuable to me and I appreciate what you've said. I have only been tested twice in 18 years. At the beginning of my 15 year relationship, and again after I decided to re-enter the 'dating pool'. I think you'd agree - all sex carries with it a calculated risk of transmission of infection - (no sex is 100% safe). We calculate the risks and make decisions accordingly. I'm somewhat isolated and don't personally know any HIV+ guys so your experiences here are an eye opener. I do have a good friend in another city who is in a LTR with a poz guy - and they are always safe - regardless he gets tested regularly and is on PrEP. My understanding is guys on PrEP have the potential to have 40% less risk of infection, but that It's not intended to be a method of prevention to supplant condom use. Again - thank you kindly for your response. @greatwhale: Thanks for sharing your experience, especially with PrEP. I can only imagine the scene when you saw that condom. I hope all is well. @Molly1977: thanks for your reply!
I prefer to use a condom because of an incident 15 years ago. Even though I get tested every year and still test negative for HIV/STIs, and even though my partner has also tested negative, I'm paranoid. Our first anniversary is coming up and he's promised me a second test by then. He wants to try bb, but I'm also not a fan of UTIs which can sometimes happen to the topper. They're not very fun. x.x But in all honestly, I don't do it because I'm afraid of passing on some (currently non-existent?) infection Yaaaay paranoia.
Protect yourself and Others Sex is fun but this is your lfe we are talking about.AIDs is still real and people can lie! My opinion You and your partners should wear codoms!
