hey, i'm a gay dude and i likes to somewhat bottom. the reason i say somewhat is because one i like to perform the oral part. two, i don't know how exactly to be a better bottom when it comes to anal sex. i need some advice on how to perform better anal sex for both me and the guy that's doing me. i'm always cautious, have condoms and showered before sex. it seems that everytime i have anal sex, it's quite painful then expected. maybe i'm not suited enough? or maybe guys are a bit too big, i'm not entirely sure, people also told me to relax, so i have no idea on this kind of topic.
Are you using lube? Lube is the most important thing for having pain-free anal sex. Other than that, you just need to work up to it: start with one finger, and once that is comfortable then use two fingers, then three. You can use your own fingers, or have your partner do it as part of foreplay. See if you can consciously relax your anus while you are doing this. If the pain you are talking about is internal, where it feels like your partner's penis is hitting against something inside, then you could try changing position. Positions where your knees are closer to your body as opposed to your legs being straight (such as when you are crouching on top of your partner, or you are on hand and knees, or on your back with your knees pulled towards your chest) will straighten out your colon somewhat and make it easier. You just need to try what works best for you.
Using more lube will certainly help. All too often we smear a small amount of lube over a condom and a little inside, thinking that will do. It won't! Lube isn't a scarce commodity, so use more of it to help you bottom and stop to apply more if necessary. When bottoming you need to find a good position (there are loads, so enjoy experimenting) and learn to relax and breathe... that's much easier if you are with a good, attentive partner who isn't self interested. Remember, sex should be pleasurable for both of you. The top needs to take it steady at first - if he is too keen or aggressive, it will hurt, no matter how well endowed he is (size is rarely the issue). Your butt is a sensitive piece of equipment and it shouldn't be immediately penetrated with force and vigour. Even if you like it quite hard, you should build up to it. Being the bottom doesn't mean giving up control altogether. Don't be afraid to assert yourself and say if something isn't right. If your partner is good, he will want to give you pleasure - not pain.
Lube. Lots and lots and lots of it, and if you think you have enough, use more. If you mean pain at the point of entry, you can't just jam a penis in an anus without stretching and relaxing the muscles first. It's meant to be a tight sphincter that keeps everything from just leaking out normally. Fingering is my boyfriend's favorite part of foreplay, so if your partner is a regular partner, ask if he'd like to get in on the action. And remember, just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to bottom. I am exclusively a top, my boyfriend is exclusively a bottom, and that works for us, but it's not required to even be a top or a bottom to be gay.
