Hi This is a bit awkward but I don't know what to do. I've been in a relationship for over 7 years now. She is the only person I have ever slept with and I am the only girl that she has slept with. At first the sex was good. Now it's got boring. Well as my wife just put it, its "shit". I try to suggest new things, getting new toys etc but she doesn't want to. Suggest trying different things but she's not very adventurous. We used to have sex at least 2 times per week. Now we are lucky of its twice a month. She cums each time but says I don't contribute to that even if I go down on her (which she doesn't want to do for me) or touch her etc. But I don't always cum and she's not always that bothered about pleasing me. It really gets to me. She never initiates it either which makes me feel like crap to be honest. With her comments and her never initiating it she makes me feel so insecure and unattractive. I hate my body more because of this and it affects me so much. A couple of years ago I had anorexia and was really slim, but since I got better I put a stone on. With how things are with us I wish I was like I was back when I was ill. What can I do?
I cant really give to much advice on this sorry but you two can try couples therapy to get it all on the table and everything or maybe just have long discussion about her and tell her how it makes you feel.Hope it gets better for you two.
Thank you. I have suggested that but I don't think she is willing. She's sleeping and I'm just wide awake in bed at 2.20am!
She's right. Couples therapy sounds to be in order at this point. I think that you should also tell her how you're feeling. These aren't trivial problems you've articulated here. I had a bout of anorexia myself once and when you reach a point of thinking of that as a viable option, your emotional health needs immediate tending to.
I would try to get some time alone together and tell her how you are feeling. Maybe she doesn't know anything is going on.
I have told her and she thinks I am being stupid. She says that she doesn't initiate sex because she doesn't want to and according to her, in relationships there is usually only 1 person that takes the dominant role. Gates, you are right that I probably do need to speak to someone about eating disorders.
I'd say couples therapy is in order, and I think you need to set forth an ultimatum. Your relationship has gone stagnant and that's not healthy--it kills straight marriages all the time. Just because you've been together for seven years doesn't mean no sex, same old boring sex, or that you can stop TRYING as a couple. Successful marriages last because they don't stop dating, they don't stop flirting, they don't stop doing things to show they're still in love all those years later. And it sounds like your lady love has given in to being lazy and "content" while not all that content at all.
Oh wow really? She thinks youre being stupid? She doesnt want to initiate? And these things dont seem like a problem to her? Both of those things would turn me off completely. What if you stopped doing what youre doing and said the same thing to her? Seven years is a long time buuuttttttt... yeah.
It's a tough decision but you two are not on the same wavelength, you don't want the same things from a relationship. I think it's time to call it quits. She doesn't appreciate you - you deserve someone who does. I think this relationship has run it's course. It's better to get out now rather than continue being discontent and gradually develop feelings of resentment towards each other for remaining in this unhappy and unfulfilling relationship.
Hey Sex isn't the problem, but communication is. Something is wrong in your relationship and I think you need to really sit her down one night, relax, and tell her everything you want to tell her. She will see how serious you are about it. If you can't communicate together, there's still therapy but it may not be the best thing. And if she doesn't want any of these, I'm sorry but she doesn't deserve you honey. She needs to be willing to make efforts to make your relationship work and she needs to want to make it work. If you realize that she doesn't care or doesn't care enough about you, I hope you'll do what's best for you. You need to think about yourself, your happiness is the most important thing. I hope it helps you a bit. Joanie.
I'm not saying that I think your girlfriend is handling this situation correctly, but personally, I can understand where she's coming from. I've been in a 4 year relationship, where we're each others first/only, and for the past year, the sex has decreased. And I'm aware its my fault. We've talked about it so many times--she'll bring it up, and I'll feel like shit about it.. but I'm not sure what the problem is (with me, I mean). While couples therapy may bring about some other problem that may be causing this, I don't think it'll make your partner want to have sex more (because for me, talking about it makes the desire to have sex dwindle even more). I do love my girlfriend very much, and I can tell you love yours too... its just a tough situation. I hope it works out for you two, I'll be interested to see how it gets resolved. Good luck!
Ack!!! So sorry! I think this was one of my first posts and I lazily and foolishly just looked at your avatar. Forgive me!! :eusa_doh::eusa_doh:
