Been having these suicidal ideas for so long, scared

Don't let hope go. Even if it doesn't seem as there is something!!
Maybe you should talk to people that are experienced with suicidal problems and that can help you! I'm serious. Even if you don't want them to help you. Not all people are bad!!
Don't go

 

Please don't give in to those shitty feelings!

I've contemplated suicide twice, so I have an idea of what you're feeling.
I have bipolar disorder and I don't take any treatment for it at all. I'm uninsured, so I couldn't if I wanted to. I had a full-blown manic episode recently. The last time I had a manic episode, I almost commited suicide, so it was pretty scary for me.

The only person I know who doesn't discriminate against me lives in Nevada, so it's tough...

My advice would be to do whatever makes you happy.
Read, watch a TV show, draw, write, sing, talk to a friend, anything that'll help you ignore these thoughts.

 

Hmm.
Would you sell your bf for a million dollars?

Some days suck. Sometimes years suck. What your partner think about the situation?

I am sorry, I used to write long answer to suicidal threads, but... yeah, some months are not optimistic. But so far, the swing always moved to the other direction and things got a bit better. So I am patient.

Get a new therapist or call a helpline.

---------- Post added 8th Apr 2014 at 09:59 PM ----------

Why would you think that people like only those who are good at math? :eek:

I am sure the admins gave you a different reason. I seriously doubt they told you you were weird.

 

I am so, so very sorry you are having these feelings. I know exactly where you're coming from. Several years ago, I was engaged to the girl I thought was the love of my life... until she told me she was pregnant, that the baby might not be mine, and that she was leaving me for a guy I hated with every fiber. At the same time, my best friend--he was more like a brother to me--betrayed me, leaving me high and dry. In six months, I tried to kill myself twice, and was very close to succeeding the second time. I was in intensive care at the hospital for over a week, and then was put on lockdown for suicide watch for 30 days after that. It was the darkest time in my life, and it's hard to even think about that period sometimes.

But since then, I've become such a different person. Although I wanted nothing more than to end my pain, instead I created a network and surrounded myself with supportive people. Some of the best advice I got was from a friend who said: "When you can't go any lower, the only place to go is up. If you gave up now, you'd miss out on some of the best experiences of your life." As simple as that sounds, something about that advice really resonated with me. I always had goals, dreams, things I wanted to do and experience in my lifetime, but when I lost everyone important to me, I was telling myself good things would never happen for me, that I might as well just put myself out of my misery.

I'm so glad that I didn't, because my friend was totally right; I would have missed out on some of the most incredible, wonderful things.

For starters, I graduated college, went to grad school, moved across the country, and made new friends in some really honest-to-goodness good, supportive, kind, caring, intelligent individuals. I also met the real love of my life, and he has made me happier than I ever thought I could possibly be. He's my reason I now grab life by the balls, the reason why I try to be the best version of myself that I can be. He is so very good to me, cares about me more than even my own family, and he loves me. He loves me; I don't understand it--I'm nothing special--, but his love is the most precious gift I've ever received.

I've been as low as you feel right now. Lower, even. When you're in such a deep hole, it feels impossible to crawl out of it. But it's possible. And not only is it possible, it's worth it. Don't give up. Things seem bad now, but mountains are meant to be climbed and concquered. And if life was easy, we would never have feelings of accomplishment, appreciation, gratefulness, ambition, and the rewarding feeling you get when all your hard work yields amazing results.

You are loved. It may not seem like it, but you are. Beautiful things are waiting for you, but you can't give up if you want them. Life is hard, but it is also wonderful. You can quit a job and find a new one, start a savings account, fall in love, move across the country, take medication to cure a health problem, make new friends, get rid of old ones, travel to the far corners of the continents... but death is immutable. Once you take that leap, it can't be undone, and you'll have missed out on some of the most wonderful things the world has to offer.

 

I agree. I'm also terrible with math, but I love science and history. I used to draw a lot, but I've lost my touch and I'm trying to get it back.

I think it's great that you can write poetry! :icon_bigg
I'm a terrible writer and I admire people that can write.

I sent a full member request a while ago, but I haven't heard anything back. I don't think the admins like me too much.

 

I understand where your coming from. I have thought about suicide multiple times before, a few times I even laid in bed at night with a bottle of pills, thinking about how much better the world would be without me. I WAS WRONG!!!!! you were put on this earth for a reason, you may not know it yet. But this reason will become clear to you sooner or later.

 

How have you been?
Just a thought. Have you considered applying for a job abroad?

 

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, but you know, you can push through. It just takes determination and a degree of intrepidity.

Firstly, it doesn't matter if no one places value on your life, because it is valuable to the one person that matters here, "you". You only get to live once, but you know, if you do it right, that can be enough.

You have clearly been through a lot of crap and we can see that, but it takes real strength to pick yourself out of the gutter. And I'd wager you have that, because you have posted here, which I see as a call for help of someone who does want to get past this.

I certainly can relate to feeling worthless. I left school with pretty much jack shit. I had a boring manual labour job that I hated, no friends, and had hardly any money ever. I was manically depressed and hated my life. But I thought, you know there are plenty if people out there who are going through hell and I'm not going to sit back and carry on being one of them. So I saved and worked and saved and work and I re-educated myself through distance learning doing a degree in my spare time which I paid for myself whilst also having a relationship and children. It took 7 years but it paid off. Now I'm better off and and perusing a career I love.

So my point is here, you should never give up. Life can be hard and sometimes you may feel it's not worth it. But try and find the strength I bet is there and you won't see a better future. You'll make one for your self.

I hope things work out for you. Take care...and

Happy days