1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Pain when he first puts it in

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by AlexFromMex, Apr 13, 2014.

  1. AlexFromMex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Okay, first of all I'm new to the forum so hello everyone. Name's Alex. Ok so here's the issue. I've been having anal sex for years now, not as often as I would like but def not a newbie, but most of the time when I have sex as a bottom, at first when the guy puts it in it really really hurts that I can't take it and he has to pull out. After the pain decreases then I let him penetrate me again and the pain goes away. Why does it hurt that bad at the beginning? I do use lube. So what's the prob? Have any of you had this problem?? Thanks.
     
  2. Andrew99

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2013
    Messages:
    3,402
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Milwaukee
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I've had that problem a million times myself. And I can't figure it out either but I think it's just getting use to mmm hmm.
     
  3. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    As a person who anally masturbates often (hopefully someday I can get a real person to penetrate me), I can't "just put it in." As you know, the anal sphincters have to be coaxed open a little bit. Fingering can help this. Also, the rectum is a pretty dry place, and you will need to lubricate yourself with a finger. This also gets your sphincter a little bit more relaxed. I think finger play is pretty essential to anal masturbation or full on sex.

    You say "most of the time" initial entry is painful. Can you recall the times when it hasn't been? What was different?
     
  4. revi

    revi Guest

    Can't speak from experience considering I'm a virgin, but the only reason I could think of this is your anus is reacting the stimulus and tightening and when he pulls out it takes a moment to adjust and realize something is going in there. Try having him finger you beforehand until it loosens up a bit then try and see if that helps.
     
  5. AlexFromMex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Actually I thought that maybe douching is the cause of the pain... but why would it cause the pain?
     
  6. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Probably by drying out the rectum. Also from irritation. I mean, is it your sphincter that hurts when he penetrates, or is it your rectum that's hurting?

    Contrary to misinformation that gets circulated, anal douching is not a good idea. Instead, you should concentrate on having a good diet with fiber for solid stools and just having complete bowel movements.

    Also, I'm not sure if you're doing it for your peace of mind or his, but in my opinion, a top shouldn't mind if the bottom hasn't cleaned himself all the way out. Obviously, us bottoms should make an effort, but nobody can always be perfect.
     
    #6 Pret Allez, Apr 13, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2014
  7. happydavid

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2014
    Messages:
    1,617
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    A town near Birmingham England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    There are lubes for that purpose that helps relax you
     
  8. Andrew99

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2013
    Messages:
    3,402
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Milwaukee
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Oh god wait i was kidding im a virgin.
     
  9. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
    Likes Received:
    2,359
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Is your partner having to push his way in, or are you letting him in? Even with plenty of lube it can be painful if you are not actually letting him penetrate you. You need to be relaxed and it's recommended that you perform the same action as when you take a bowel movement (so you are kind of pushing out and opening up as he enters) this should allow for easier penetration past the sphincter. Also, take it slowly - he shouldn't be ramming it in as that can cause tears.

    Don't just apply plenty of lube around the sphincter, but all the way in too. If you lube up 2, 3 or 4 inches and your partner is 6 or 7 inches you are going to end up feeling some pain once he's all the way in.

    Experiment with different lubes too. You may find some work better than others.
     
  10. gloomy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2014
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    QLD Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think the key here is of cource lube but also just when hes going in just try to relax sphincter like linco said try gently push out like your trying to pass and it should slip in much easier hope it helps and remember there is always time for lube!!
     
  11. AlexFromMex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Yeah I think the sphincter is what hurts.. And I douche for my piece of mind.. There are guys that have been douching for years though.
     
  12. DangerAlex

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2014
    Messages:
    431
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Winchester, VA
    Is it like, really sharp pains? I've had that happen once or twice. It was bizarre, I had no idea what caused it those times but not all the others. We just changed position for a while and it was fine.
     
  13. AlexFromMex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    do you douche every time? or at all?
     
  14. TJ

    TJ
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,833
    Likes Received:
    299
    Location:
    Lawrence, KS
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's not the douching.
    Linco's right.

    The rectum is designed to be one-way traffic. When you start going the other way, it needs a few seconds to adjust. If you go in too fast, sometimes it'll hurt. Short, sharp pains. Nothing serious. Nothing is being damaged.

    100% normal, and not related to douching.
     
  15. DangerAlex

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2014
    Messages:
    431
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Winchester, VA
    Never. I rely on the standard cleansing practices, and they haven't failed me thus far. The pain I felt felt like it was due to his angle, maybe; both times I was lying flat on my stomach while her entered me from above/behind. We've done that position pain-free countless other times, but the times I had those sharp pains we just switched positions. When we came back to the original position, both times there was nolonger any pain.
     
  16. Theron

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2014
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Don't do an enema regularly, it upsets the balance of your colon more than you might imagine.

    Also, anal sex requires a lot of lubrication. A lot. If you think you have too much, you're wrong. There should be significant foreplay involved in stretching the muscle so it won't hurt so much on entry and working on getting plenty of lube in deeper. As a top, I get a lot of enjoyment out of foreplay while prepping my bottom because I really get off on watching his face; your sexual partner(s) should look out for your best interests, too.

    Also, Linco's right. You can't just let them shove it in. You have to be relaxed, and you have to push down like starting to take a BM. And if a position hurts, don't use that position. Even though I have a preferred position, we don't use it often because it gets me a little too deep if I'm not careful and I tend to be a little too over-enthusiastic and hurt my fiance.
     
  17. ajwad

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2014
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jeddah, Saudi Arabia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    put more lube