Hi guys! I've always been a top before, but recently I met this other top and we started having sex so I've decided to bottom. It wasn't my first time, but I've never done it regularly. This was my decision and I really want to enjoy it, I enjoy fingering myself, it turns me on when I think about it and sometimes it really is pleasurable. I also rarely experience any pain during anal sex and I can physically relax quite easily. I always wash myself down there and I've never had any embarrassing or dirty experiences. However, the feeling of penetration causes a lot of anxiety and fear and mixed feelings. First of all, I cannot really enjoy it if I'm not touching my penis at the same time, which means that I'm ready to orgasm quite early so I cannot satisfy my partner. Also, it is quite an intense feeling and it soon becomes too much for me to bare. It's not painful, but uncomfortable and I start getting this obsessive fear that I need to take a dump and so I tell him to pull out constantly and ask him questions like 'is it clean?!' which really kills the mood. Even though it really feels good some of the time, I just can't relax and stop thinking about whether I'm clean inside and whether I really need to go or if it's just the penis causing this feeling of being 'full'. Of course, this is when the sensation becomes really uncomfortable because I'm not really in the mood anymore. I thought I would get used to this over time, and get rid of these fears, but it's always the same, and it ends in me just telling my partner to stop because I'm not finding in enjoyable. He can never fully enjoy sex with me because he's always going slow and he's careful and has to pull out all of the time. How can I make these fears and anxieties go away? Please help!
Go buy a toy that is around the same size as your boyfriend and practice with that. You will get that feeling that you need to take a dump for a while with something bigger than your finger because...well you actually are FULL down there, it's exactly the same sensation. If you're on your own with a toy you can get used to the feeling and keep going with it. If something goes wrong it happened on your own and you don't have to worry about freaking out a partner. But the more likely scenario is it will be FINE and eventually you will build that confidence up!!
When I first realized I liked anal I had to start small and work my way up to a comfortable size. I bought a variety of sizes and the more comfortable I got with it I moved up
I started with fingers , I hadn't tried toys yet . You should start small first later on get a toy in his size that way it helps .
Above all else- if both you and the person you are with will not accept that s**t happens, perhaps you/they should not be doing this till you both discuss &agree on details. As for the physical sensations, Relaxation can make penetrative sex of any sort go from terror to multiple orgasms. Fear kills relaxation so having no fears makes or breaks us and that may explain what you described= fear of mess causes a mood kill causes tension and all the fun stops. Reassuring yourself through repeated self-lovemaking with dildos so you gain confidence in being ok for this can help. Knowing how it feels from doing yourself can help with your lover. Even after such bodywork, it still is a subjective effect so to speak. One that may require working out whatever comforting methods work for you. There's a generic trend to be very disparaging of douching both male and female. Based on various medical evidence that inherently is damned controversial so both sides of the issue are often in a citations flamewar. Speaking for and as as myself, enemas can reduce my worry of mess down to the irreducible minimum even while i am aware of the risk theories so you be aware too, eh? Research whatever you do first and worries get lowered. I have had things in my bottom for various reasons a huge part of my life and I still just keep towels on the bed etc plus have wipes there. If that all seems elaborate- just relax and keep wetwipes around.
It's an understandable fear, but it seems to me that it's causing you excessive anxiety to the point of sex being almost unenjoyable. I have personally relied on all the standard cleansing practices and have never had an incident, knock on wood. If you take all the necessary steps to be clean and prevent an incident as best you can and accept the remote possibility that an incident is still always possible although very unlikely if you're diligent, it will alleviate some of your anxiety. Douching could be a safeguard too. Also, know that tops are usually well aware of the "risk" inherent in topping; if a top was not okay with that risk, then he wouldn't be topping you. You are more worried about it than he is. I understand that it would be embarrassing, but embarrassing things can and do happen during sex for all couples, gay and straight. If you can relax your mind, your body will follow suit. Just prepare as best you can and I can assure you the chances of incident will be very very low. There have been times when my boyfriend and I had sex unexpectedly, leaving me without the chance to prepare, and I've still never had an incident. Try to enjoy the sex; you're expressing an incredible bond with him and sharing an intimacy and part of yourself that you don't give to just anyone. Try not to fixate on worst case scenarios because odds are they will be rare or nonexistent if you take precautions. Good luck and have fun!
Enjoying receptive anal intercourse is something that I think takes some time. Even if we really enjoy the feeling, it takes some time to train ourselves not to be tight. That's half the battle. The other half of the battle is getting over feeling wrong. Now, I don't mean wrong in the sense of shame. I mean wrong in the sense you're talking about, where it feels like something's physiologically amiss. At first, it doesn't feel like sex; it just feels like having to poop. But of course, that's not happening. What is happening, though, is that muscles that are normally asked to expel something are now being asked to accept something. I'd start with a small dildo first. That way, you can have fun penetrating yourself how ever you want, without worrying about your partner's pleasure or whether or not you have any fecal matter. With practice, you'll get to where you can sit on it for a long time, drink coffee, and draft forum responses.
And just remember above all else, it's not necessarily for everyone. lol I'm not a bottom, and I never will be again.
