Dear EC, I need all the advice I can get. I am doing some personal research as my current boyfriend I've been with for nearly a year doesn't like to use condoms. We have a very VERY healthy sex life. But it is also very risky. From the day we've started having carnal relations until now, we have never once used a condom, no matter how much I demand it. I suppose, I am part to be blamed, but I just don't want latex to come between our relationship and quit frankly, most times i'm too horny to argue/negotiate.:lol: He has tried before, to use one on my account. I placed it on him (and let me tell you, he is WELL endowed) but the condom just kept rolling off as his package grew soft. I remember reading somewhere that, the bigger a man's sex, the more blood requires to stiffen it and if they are not the most healthiest (physically and mentally) this may be a lot harder. EC, my bf may be physically healthy (6 pack and all) but he eats terribly (no matter how much I encourage him to eat his greens) and he is a stock broker, so he is usually constantly stressed. Could all this be a contribution to him having difficulties keeping an erection with a condom on? He has no "allergies" to latex nor does he despise using them. He just has a very hard time keeping hard with one on. I get tested every 3 months, on the regular to make sure I am aware with that's going on with my body. And in February, I had a medical executive done which shows i'm quite healthy. However, it's been brought to my attention by my doctor that as a blood type AB+, I should be more careful and donate blood more often to the local blood bank (because there is an apparent shortage of B & AB blood in Jamaica). :icon_sad: Any useful help and advice would be great.:help: This is quite sticky for me and my bf doesn't like when I talk about it with him (he gets embarrassed and upset:dry. SO EC, anything?:help:
First, I'm sorry if it makes him embarrassed but these are things that he is going to have to talk about one way or another. Anyone who wants to be able to have a healthy sexual dynamic in a relationship is going to have to learn to be responsible and mature enough to have open conversations about it with their partners. We really can't know his exact reasons behind these feelings until he clearly says them. There are men who are strongly against the use of condoms for various reasons, but none are often valid. There is a common fantasy surrounding the idea of unprotected sex, but the reality is that modern condoms hardly cause a difference in intercourse and the amount of benefits in regards to not only STI's, but overall hygiene are overwhelming. It shouldn't be able ending a relationship over a piece of plastic, because while on a health level the issue is the lack of protection; however, the situation also speaks on an emotional level that he would be so stagnant and stubborn on this issue rather than working with you to find a solution. At the end of the day, you will just have to have a serious conversation with him. Hopefully he is not so stubborn that he is willing to allow the problem to become something bigger than what it should be, but being able to work through things in general is a necessity for a long term relationship. It is likely that he has difficulty getting aroused when wearing a condom because he wants a reason to not have to use them. Though it could be beneficial for more reasons than his sexual activity for him to speak with a doctor and get his health in a better place either way.
He could have the mindset that the sensation will be different and this may affect or distract him; if he truly is affected by the condom, it could be that it is simply different for him and he could try masturbating with them on to get more accustomed.
Agreed. This does make a lot of sense. I'll suggest it to him. The thing is, I've tried having serious conversations with him. I have. But they are all futile. He says he doesn't mind using them and we've tried once or twice but when it's on, his penis gets so soft it just rolls off. :x
Two suggestions: If he's really big, getting the extra-large condoms (Magnum XL is one brand) will help if you aren't already doing that. Then, make sure you're putting some lube *inside* the condom. If properly used, it should slide around a bit which makes the sensation difference between using it and not using it pretty much undetectable and should not affect his ability to maintain an erection. Not to be harsh, but getting tested every 3 months is closing the barn door after the horse has escaped. If he cheats on you at some point and gets infected, and infects you, knowing you're positive won't really do shit, other than allow you to get started on the medication regimen you'll have to take for the rest of your life. Honestly, someone who isn't willing to discuss something so crucial to his safety and your safety is not someone I'd want to be with. My experience is that people who bareback find a bazillion reasons why they don't want to use condoms, all of which are bogus... and nearly all of them end up HIV+ because they're all convinced it "won't happen to them." Also, for what it's worth one of the biggest source of new infections currently is monogamous couples. In other words, people like you and your boyfriend, where somebody cheats and doesn't tell the other person. Please don't become one of those statistics.
