Background: I'm a mostly-asian 15 year-old transguy. pre-everything, but has already started socially transitioning, and is currently waiting on a written t letter. Losing weight is something I've always needed to do for a long time; It turns out I'm not that chubby kid from elementary who suddenly turned hot. Everytime I try something(better diet, exercising more), I get really fucked up and end up sitting around the whole day--I just suddenly lose confidence in myself because of my body and just end up fighting myself again. I'm 5'0 (I've lost hope in getting taller) and at around 170 lbs. I'm a stocky dude. It's just that this is something really important to me, and its so difficult. Has somebody else been through something like this? Thanks! ;w;
I'm a little younger than you, I'm 5'1(without T, I will only grow a few more inches...), and in a similar situation, except I weigh a little less and I'm 100% Chinese.(Social transition is not my priority right now.) Now, guys like us need to lose a lot of body fat. Enough to prevent "Trans man baby face syndrome" should be fine. Go paleo or something. Make sure to commit to a goal, is what I'm saying. Maybe we could be weight loss buddies.
OP - Can you explain why taking care of your body messes you up? For starters, I would keep a food/ exercise diary for a week without making any changes to see what your normal habits and caloric intake are. I use MyFitnessPal and their app - all free. I would start with telling it that you'd like to lose 1 lb. per week (you can adjust this later). Make sure to tell it that you're biologically female as it will affect the calculations. After you've monitored your habits for a week, you can identify where the problems lie. If you want, post your average calories, fat, sugars, protein, and what the app tells you your calorie goals should be here and I can try to give more ideas. Can you take up any sort of fitness class? Yoga is a good one for balance. Martial arts are great for strength. Swimming is the #1 for weight loss but can be problematic clothing-wise... I did a lot of running at your age and loved it. I took my dad with me so, maybe you could do something with a friend or family member to stay motivated. Having a buddy on here is a great idea, too! At your age, I wouldn't recommend a paleo diet but I would say that you *may* still grow a little. I grew two inches in my first year if college. :icon_wink YOU CAN DO THIS!!
I understand what you mean about feeling bad. Working on certain parts of the body can make you very conscious of them and that turns into internalized self judgement. I'm not trying to lose weight but I am trying to put on muscle mass and keeping up with my new dietary and exercise habits is making me very aware of the parts I want to change. Just remember that no change ever seems fast enough when it's yourself you're working on, but I guarantee you that with constant persistence you will get somewhere and you'll feel a whole lot better for it. That's not to say that you shouldn't love yourself the way you are now. As human beings we pick out our flaws like we have 90x optical zoom lenses in our eyes. Other people don't look at us that closely and don't hold us up to such stringent standards of attractiveness. There's nothing wrong with being a stocky guy. If you want to lose the weight and get healthy then go for it, but only because you want to make a positive change for yourself and not because you're worried what other people will think. I know it's hard, but do it to get healthy rather than to lose the weight. Focus on perfecting your diet and exercise and the rest will come with time and patience.