I REALLY am tired of not having sex. I don't like the term virgin but that's basically what I am. I don't want to jump into a relationship just because I really want to have sex. I also don't want to go too fast in a really special relationship when I find one just because I want to have sex. I am CONSTANTLY thinking about sex lately. I'm a female pansexual and as much as I hate this, I've still kind of got it in my head that penis-in-vagina-sex is special. I've been thinking for a while that I'd try to find a bi-curious girl that wants to experiment. Now I'm thinking that that's stupid because honestly I kind of want to have sex with a guy right now. I've been torturing myself because it's supposed to be special or whatever but I just want sex. I don't really think sex has to involve love. I think romantic love should involve sex, but I don't think they're mutually exclusive. I'm just confused and I don't want to be a slut and help. I could really use some advice.
Hi there, I'll try offer what advice I can. First off you're not alone in feeling this that's for sure. I felt exactly the same way before I had sex for the first time (I was 15) and it was with a girl I met that night, so a stranger you could say. It is easily the worst sexual experience I've ever had. I try to forget about it and count my second time as my first. Now I'm not saying sex with a stranger is bad or that your first time will be bad. It just so happened mine sucked and I felt a bit crap about it because I didn't know her and we never spoke again. So although I don't believe your first time has to be some big special thing, it is something you'll never forget. So I would advise you to do it with someone you at least know a bit, not a stranger. However, it's not slutty to want to have sex. I'm not into having lots of partners, but sex is fun and it's there to be enjoyed. As long as you are safe and use protection etc there's really no harm in it. I say don't rush yourself, but don't get too hooked up on the rights and wrongs of it either!
Um...how about a dildo? Masturbation is the answer. Using people for sex just brings unessesary drama. Dildos and masturbating should do the trick. Plus it makes it less backward and don't put you in harms way. Just something to consider.
I'm 19. If I had done this at 15 I'd have been scarred for life for sure. Now I know my body, I'm comfortable with who I am and how I look, and I understand what safe and healthy sex is. I just feel *ready* but there's no one to do it with. ---------- Post added 22nd Apr 2014 at 09:06 PM ---------- Sweetie I masturbate almost every day but thanks for the suggestion.
I'd prefer masturbation as an alternative, but I don't think It's wrong to just do it. Penis-in-vagina sex really has no special feelings to it. The only real purpose of it is to produce babies, and that's why society "values" it so much for that reason alone. In my opinion, I just view it as foreplay that doesn't compare to other sexual acts. Because of that, I think of anyone wants to try it just to try it, they should go ahead. There's no special science that causes it to make you develop feelings unless you choose to let it.
That makes me feel better actually. I want to know for myself what it feels like and at the same time I want someone on top of me. The last time I had someone on top of me it was awesome, we just didn't go below the waist.
My first time was with a complete stranger. We never even bothered exchanging names. He didn't ask, I didn't ask, and neither of us volunteered the info. While I agree you will remember your first time, I don't think that the emotional component (or lack thereof) is the sole consideration as to what you will think of it. I had a pretty good time my first time. It felt good and was a lot of fun. Feelings had nothing to do with it and that didn't bother me at all. Still doesn't. The biggest (theoretical) reason why you might want to have an emotional connection with someone you're having sex with is that they will supposedly be more concerned with whether or not you have a good time rather than only worrying about their own pleasure. But such concern is hardly guaranteed just because there are feelings in other areas. I've been in a loving relationship with someone who didn't really care much at all whether or not I had a good time in bed. And I've had anonymous hookups where the guy made a point of ensuring I was enjoying myself. The main reason you might want to get to know someone a bit before having sex with them (in the context of your situation) is so you can both discuss what you're each into and hopefully determine if they will be a considerate sex partner who will be interested in what kind of experience you are having. The alternative might be having to go through a few people until you find someone you are compatible with and vice-versa. Actually that might apply regardless of whether you are looking for a man or a woman as a partner. Hope this helps, Todd
I don't think with feelings sex is better. I even think it's better when it doesn't involve feelings, but I can't really estimate since I haven't had sex with someone I like or I'm in love with. I don't think this makes me a slut, so I don't think you are one either
Sex with feelings versus without feelings... there are pros and cons to each. In my experience, you don't need to have feelings for your partner to have great sex, but in the end, that's all it was: sex. I much prefer sex with someone I love who is an attentive lover; the emotional connection on top of the physical one compounds the enjoyment exponentially, at least for me. I've had sex just to satisfy the urge and it was all well and good, but when I have sex with my boyfriend, just for sake of example, I totally lose myself and have forgot-my-name, don't-know-where-I-am-or-which-way-is-up sex. So I guess it depends on what kind of sex you want to have and how significant you want it to be. It can be very enjoyable either way (with feelings or without), but I definitely wish my first time was with someone I loved. Just my two cents. Good luck!
