So I have been feeling down for a few hours and lonely (my BF is away and there is nobody around) and I was an idiot and had a stanly knife handy from some boxes I was opening and well I ended up slashing myself with it on my arm. I feel like such a fecking idiot now with blood dripping out of iy. I was doing so well been months without it
I know that feeling, both the wanting to hurt yourself and feeling like an idiot for doing it, all too well I used to self harm for a couple of years back when I was a teenager and even though I've been clean (well, sort of) since I was 17, I sometimes still get the urge to hurt myself. I relapsed a couple of times before Christmas last year, even though I hardly had done it for years. I'm struggling with thoughts of self harm really bad at the moment. Quitting is hard. Seriously. And being home alone makes it much easier to relapse. Relapsing sucks, nothing makes you feel as shitty as that does. However, the fact that you've made it through months without doing it shows how strong you are. To me, what you did sounds like it was a very impulsive act. And fighting impulses is hard. However, try to remember next time you feel like hurting yourself how bad you felt afterwards and then ask yourself if it's worth it. That's usually what I do, and end up taking a super hot shower or something instead. I know it's hard, but try to distract yourself with something. You're such a strong person and remember, this one relapse means nothing in the long run. Keep fighting! (*hug*)
Try remembering that you will accomplish nothing by hurting yourself... I get urges to harm myself frequently, hoping in some way, that I will achieve my goals, but ultimately, I just bleed and make other people feel guilty, which is not what I want... It's frustrating, when I am checkmated by life... Go play something else instead...
