1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

A little freaked out

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Frosty guy, May 8, 2014.

  1. Frosty guy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hi all, hoping maybe some of you can talk me down a little. I recently indulged in a same sex fantasy. I met this guy on CL. He was a married professional type in his 50's. I bottomed and have to admit, it was pretty hot. However, as a lifelong closeted bisexual, this was the first time I acted on my urges. I think I did everything right. We used latex condoms and a ton of water base lube. No breakage on the condom. However, when he came on me, it got on my hands. I proceeded to finish myself off. When done, I noticed I was rubbed a little raw.

    I guess a lifetime surrounded by homophobia and a total lack of experience has me freaked out on many levels. I'm totally worried about HIV. (Remember, I grew up being taught all gays have AIDS). I plan on getting tested, etc in the appropriate amount of time. However, in the meantime I'm having difficulty sleeping. I'd really like some input from guys that have been there, done that. How worried should I be?

    Not sure if I'll "indulge again" as the stress is almost unbearable....
     
  2. Frosty guy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    No thoughts?
     
  3. Theron

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2014
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Yeah, I do have a thought, but not about your concern.

    Why in the world did you think it was okay to hook up with a married man? If he cheats, he cheats, but you should never be the other person.
     
  4. Frosty guy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Geesh. Quite frankly, that wasn't my question. You can take your judgment elsewhere because you don't know my circumstances or his. If you must know I was looking at it as a safer option because I figure he had a lot to lose and wouldn't give me anything. This was purely physical and not some torrid affair so please save the high and mighty attitude.

    Back to the question, morality aside, from a clinical/medical perspective, is there cause for concern?
     
  5. Gates

    Gates Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2014
    Messages:
    1,544
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Between paradise and nothingness
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    ^ This. Also, I don't think that you should panic but get checked out for peace of mind.
     
  6. helperman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2014
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Redneckville Indiana
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Assuming you had some way to contact him in the first place to hook up, have you contacted him and asked if he is HIV + or -? If not I would start there and explain why you are asking. If that isn't an option, then the only other thing....that I know of anyway....is to get tested, although it sounds like you probably don't have anything to worry about. And no, not all gay men have AIDS, but from what you have told us it sounds like this guy isn't gay...more like just curious. Next time, don't use CL to find someone...there are a lot of creeps on there.
     
  7. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    OK, first, welcome to EC.

    Second, on behalf of the community, let me apologize for the really shitty reception and not-terribly-helpful responses you've received so far in this thread. The last thing you needed when you're reaching out for empathy and compassion is judgment and, unfortunately, that's what you've received so far. Hopefully I can help to change that a little bit.

    Putting aside the issues raised and going to your concerns:

    Your chances of having HIV are very, very close to zero. Outside of barebacking, you would basically have to have blood-to-semen contact to be at high risk of transmission. Simply getting semen on somewhat raw hands doesn't sound like you got anywhere close to blood-to-semen contact.

    Most likely what you're feeling is more about the after-the fact guilt, and that's pretty common after hookups, particularly when it's a hookup that's a little on the skeezy side in the first place.

    If you want to reassure yourself, you can get an HIV test, but you should wait at least 30 days because the standard screening test is looking for antibodies and isn't very reliable before the 30 day mark. There's one that's much more sensitive at about the 12 day mark, but it's way more expensive ($300+) and so probably not worth it. And, honestly, I don't think you've got much of any risk to worry about.

    Finally, it sounds like you might just be coming to terms with your attraction to men, so there's likely a big combination of mixed emotions and feelings. Don't beat yourself up. Many people in that stage make some perhaps not-so-well-thought-out decisions. In this case, you likely suffered no harm from it.

    I would encourage you to give thought to the harm to others (i.e, this person's wife) that come about from your choices. If you don't care about that then I guess it's something you could continue, but I'd suggest that you might want to think how you'd feel if someone did that to you. Personally, I do try to think about karma (or whatever you choose to call it or think of it as) when I'm making decisions, and for me, it works pretty well.

    I hope you'll stick around in spite of the crappy reception. On the whole, this is a really nice, pretty nonjudgmental community and I think you can find a lot of help and support here.

    You used condoms and that was a smart choice. And the fact that the other guy wanted to (or agreed to) use a condom can give you at least some sense of relief, as it is usually the dumbasses who bareback regularly (and are therefore at high risk of being HIV+) that want to bareback.

    I wouldn't bother asking the other guy. Even if he were HIV+, he might not admit it, or he might not know. So essentially, asking him won't tell you anything reliable.
     
  8. Frosty guy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Thanks guys! I have to tell you I was a bit taken aback by the initial reception but won't hold it against the entire community! This has been a strange and stressful experience. Truth be told, when I psychoanalyze the situation, you can imagine, the groundswell of emotion. Full disclosure. I'm on a committed straight relationship that isn't going particularly well and the intimacy has gone from bad to worse. Now the trolls can really have their way with me! In essence, in the lack of intimacy, I decided to explore my curiosity. In a twisted way, I felt it was more exploratory in nature. I chose another married man because I felt he would have as much to lose as I did and the risk would somehow be minimized. Wrong I know and I feel awful. However, I did what I did and don't plan to repeat. Whether my current relationship endures will be for the record books. However I don't want this experience to be the catalyst. Honestly, it would hurt those around me far worse than me. I almost thought about telling and felt that actually would be selfish. It would relieve my guilt and devastate my family. In the end, I'm less worried about my infidelity being discovered and more afraid that I could be outed. It was a great experience. However, it also taught me that I'm not ready for a lifestyle chance. I appreciate the kind words and intend to stick around. Not sure where my path leads as I'm still dealing with guilt, confusion and paranoia. I felt that there have to be others in a similar situation here so here I am.