Hello everyone. Summer is approaching and the weather is warm and pleasant. Typically, this would bring a long a feeling of euphoria. At least that is my case for the last 5 years or so. My sex drive would go up too. I would feel more attractive, I would check out guys more frequently etc. I think it is quite logical, no problem with it. However, this year it is a bit different, actually a lot different, and I'd like to you to offer me some advice. I feel really upbeat, I feel there is a huge wave of energy sealed inside me pushing to break violently out. I can't concentrate on my work, I want to go out, to meet new people, to act stupid and thoughtless, to be spontaneous. Sometimes I feel joyful, sad, excited and depressed. My thoughts scatter more often. Annoying, but so far ok. But my sex drive has gone up in a completely different way. I feel a call coming from the depths of my thoughts, perhaps from my genitals/nipples/anus (disgusting, but that's how I feel) too, that I must have a new experience NOW. Honestly, I have never felt like that before. I have a great urge to go to a club, grab somebody and mess with him around. And though I would deal with it with a simple masturbation, now I can't. Porn seems indifferent, can't calm my agitation. I masturbated about an hour ago and yet I want to go out and find someone to kiss, play, have sex, give pleasure to someone and get some myself. As the time goes by and I stay inactive while I am having such feelings, I feel a void in my chest and something crushing me from inside. I've heard other people describe such feelings before, but I have always been calm and collected, I would never lose control when it comes to sex, pleasure, poor socialization. Mind you I have never had sex before, I have never kissed anyone before. I was thinking that perhaps this is the first summer that I have friends I can freely talk to about the gay aspect of my personal life, that I feel free from the bounds of being gay (though I have a lot of way ahead before being publicly gay or anything like that). It's also the first summer that I have been exercising 3 times a week all winter, have built an attractive body, that I think I have many chances of getting hit on. My life is at the best point so far, I am feeling ready and optimistic to move forward and gain new experience in my personal life, but I can't find a reason why I feel so energetic and bound at the same time. Is what I am describing just another phase of coming out to oneself and beginning to truly live? What is it? Thank you for your time and help.
