Being a lesbian gives me sexual guilt

I can see where you're coming from. You can't decide whether giving up some of the things that mean a lot to you in your value system is more beneficial because there's only so many girls who could be into you, or just sticking with what you believe is right.

You having been hurt also doesn't help very much. But just like you can't expect every girl to be lesbians, you can't expect them to be jerks either. People come and go, and you need to give enough time for your soul to heal before you try again. Don't rush trying to find someone, especially a relationship as a cure to your troubles, that won't work.

You should be proud of yourself because you respect your body more than a lot of people do theirs. If someone thinks it's stupid you shouldn't hesitate about throwing them out, be it an acquaintance, a friend or more.

Also don't jump into conclusions about sexuality. Who knows how you'd feel if you really loved someone and you'd be loved back? At that moment all these feelings would be justified because you'd be looking for a way to express it in a better way than just words or whatever. Someone just needs to get close enough to you. And even if you don't feel like havign sex, the other person should understand that, otherwise that "love" ain't true anymore.

 

(*hug*)(*hug*)I don't honestly know how to answer this. I can understand your fear, but I'm not sure how you could deal with it. My best advice is to just tell yourself that its ok, because it is. That girl who was "waiting for a man" is not the norm. There are some stupid people out there, but most of them are wonderful. You will "count", because that person will love you.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you and I did feel the same way you felt when I was in my early 20's but for different reasons , I thought being sexually attracted to women was wrong and that I was dirty for feeling that way . It will take time for you to get over this falling but I'm sure one day you'll meet a girl that will love you and not be like those girls .
I think the best thing to do is accept you have these feelings which you are doing now and after a while you would be able to feel better . Sometimes the lesbian sex is not real thing pisses me off and makes me feel insecure so I get how you feel .(*hug*)

 

Maybe consider going to therapy. Really, it can help. I know that I will try to go see some one to deal with more stress-management and worrying too much issues. I wish you the best.

Also, you know deep down that women "count". It's completely ridiculous to think otherwise and if other people think differently, then **** them. Just remember that the whole "women don't count" is basically the biggest myth in the entire world.

 

She sounds like one of my exes , You know falling it's a good thing you didn't sleep with her because you actually found out who she truly is , because people who actually cared for you would have waited , and would have use a toy or finger while waiting if they had the urge . Take it from me a woman with a high sex drive if they really did care they would have waited . She didn't deserve you and you deserved so much better than her .
My ex was like her always talking about how good penis was and how crappy lesbian sex was and yeah she left me for a guy which sucked but you know what just like I'm telling you now your better off without her just like I'm better off without my ex you deserve so much more and you will find a woman that's not like her and will wait . I always think women like that don't appropriate the beauty of lesbian sex and see it as just a fun time .

 

I am a gay man and I felt the same way for a long time. I felt like that if I sucked another guys dick or let him put it in me there should be some kind of connection. Finally when I was in college I just said f--- it and started hooking up with dudes. I have had sex with a lot of guys and honestly most guys just want to get off and are not looking for any kind of connection. Probably half the guys out there who hook up with guys are bisexual and are either dating or married to women. If a dude wants something more, like to be a FWB, or a FB, thats cool, if he just wants a one time fling with a dude because he is curious, or just the opportunity to fuck a tight ass because his wife or gf won't let him near hers I am totally fine with that too.

You should just get with someone you are attracted and just relax and enjoy the sensations. If a relationship is meant to happen it will.

 

You know this poor girl is already confused enough as she is. I'd honestly let her think for herself and believe in what she feels to be right.

 

I feel so terrible hearing that you're in so much pain over this. You shouldn't be punishing yourself for something that comes naturally to you, nor should you feel that it's dirty or immoral. I honestly wish I could hug you right now.

Sexuality - although glorious - can also be scary, and can be scarier still if you're putting it on a pedestal. I remember when I was a virgin and the idea of sex used to scare me a lot. Hell, there's an awful lot I still haven't done with women that scares me a bit, but it's worth confronting. It shouldn't make you feel so small, though.

I think most people out there who are non-heteronormative (hell, maybe even some straight people too) feel shame at one time or another for their sexual desires, but there really is no reason to. Who are you hurting by wanting to touch someone?

You need to remember that you're a beautiful human being who deserves happiness, and you should value all the quirks that make you who you are. You need to learn to love yourself before you can love another, as corny as that may sound.

Please drop me a message if you need someone to talk to, okay? x

 

This sounds so familiar to me...I'm sorry that you're going through this. I think I understand the sort of shame that you're talking about, because I feel it pretty often, too. The feeling of being almost (if not completely) afraid of your sexuality, yet wanting that intimacy at the same time...it's confusing as hell. (Forgive me if I've misinterpreted in any way).

I've been there with the shame and the suicide attempts...It stemmed from that same feeling you described, out of place and almost unclean. I felt like there was something wrong with me, even though I knew that wasn't true. It can make it hard to accept yourself and allow yourself to be loved and appreciated. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone, but it happens anyway.

If you ever need to talk about any of it, feel free to message me. I'm new here, but I want to listen and help if I can.

 

I'm sorry you were hurt by an ex-girlfriend and have self-esteem issue. (*hug*)
Try to take the "real" sex topic as an outstandingly good advertisement saying that "only straight sex is the real sex" and that "only a man is the best and only lover to a woman" and lots of other crap. Advertisement is biased and is supposed to be convincing, right? Many people get "brain-washed" by it and start believing it. And who makes such an advertisement? Straight society that happily discriminates everything what's not mainstream.

Do you know what happened today? I was washing dishes and one pot was probably burnt, I don't know precisely because it was my mom's cooking. I used a dish detergent that was advertised on the TV, the one that promised to get rid of old food, grease, burned-on food, whatever dirt you could ever imagine. In reality, it did NOT work, the ad was overrated. What I did in the end was that I cut a lemon in half and cleaned the pot easily with lemon juice.

What I wanted to say is, please, don't ever think that when making love to a women you won't be good enough or that lesbian sex don't count as "real" sex. (If you look up the statistics, much more women reach orgasm during lesbian sex than compared to straight sex.) Also, don't worry that you won't know what to do. If you are in it with the right partner, you'll know what to do for sure, just listen to your heart. It's like when birds migrate to warm regions, they just know. :icon_wink

 

The more I hear about the lesbian community and lesbian hatred in the media, the more I want some magical pill that will turn me asexual.

 

I can see where you've been hurt by your ex girlfriends, they were very insensitive and most likely not true lesbians otherwise why they waiting for a man, or about his magic tool? So that should be a good indicator right there that the problem is with them, NOT you. Your sexuality shouldn't make you feel dirty or unclean, I'm sorry you feel that way as I believe it's an individual right to every human being to define their own sexuality. No matter ones orientation, lesbian, bi, gay, straight, etc. you should feel empowered in it, not to regress it. I did that for many years about my bisexuality and now look back with regret all those years I denied myself, and lived uncomfortably in my own skin. That's a big reason I signed up here, hoping I can help others from denying themselves as I did. Because the older you get, the more you realize...it's just plain silly to beat yourself up for who you are! Lesbian sex is as real as any and there's absolutely nothing wrong or shameful about it. Take it from a guy who's been made crystal clear, not every woman wants a guy or his magic tool. When you meet a woman who truly appreciates you she will be patient with you, not rush you, or guilt you into things. You are justified to feeling as you do and someone who cares will respect that. It's good to take little steps to conquer your fears, sometimes jumping right in is good, but bottomline nobody can decide that for yourself but you.

 

I felt like this for a while.