Hello I'm new here and I wanted to ask for some advice. I'm 27 and am what you would call a late bloomer when it comes to relationships. Is been bothering me for the last 2 years and I'm just looking to hear you're thoughts and get some advice. So here here we go. Sorry if it's long. I realized I was gay around 13 and didn't deal with it well so I wasn't something I liked to think about it. At around 15 I discovered my first make crush, who actually became my best friend. At around 17 we came out to each other. We never got into a relationship because he wasn't attracted to me that way but at around 17 he did become my first and even became friends with benefits (which i regret to this day). All the while he was still dating and telling me about it. I felt like I had to live vicariously through him because he was the only person I was attracted to and I didn't have the experience of being in a relationship. So by him telling me about his I felt like I was in some small part, in it too, even though it hurt hearing about it. After a while the friendship changed I chose to stop the sex and I eventually ended the friendship at around 19 because I felt like I was being mistreated as a friend and I didn't like how he treated others. I closed my self off from that part of my life after that. I still wanted a relationship but had no idea on how to do it. I had no confidence mostly because I was fat. I always felt and still do feel like you have to look a certain way to be in a relationship. So I just didn't try, even though I stayed loosing weight. Fast forward to 2012 at age 25 when I started to feel different. This guy caught my attention and I was hooked. We were just friends and he liked to play coy and hit on me and then pull away. This guy was also my manager. I obsessed over him for so long because he actually have me done attention. He shared stores and lots of intimate personal info, but he turned out to be straight. I realized I wasted so much time thinking and wishing about something that wind never happen. I had even gotten super serious about loosing weight and fast. That really hurry but I eventually got over it, somewhat. Then I met my now best friend who I was attracted to but once again he turned out to be straight. What I thought were feelings being returned was just friendship. He knows how I felt or feel but we talk am the time about finding relationships and that stuff. He is 8 years younger than I and way more experienced so he offers a most of the advice. After that I tried going to to gay clubs again which I never have liked, (i actually don't even have any gay friends)and even online dating which was just always a let down. The people I was attracted to had no interest. I did hook up with one person but that was a disaster because I had no idea what I was doing, it had been so long. Recently I have stopped trying because I feel like I need to work on myself more before I can find someone. I got tired of the constant disappointment. It actually caused me a lot of stress, so letting go was a little therapeutic. Right now I'm just focusing on school and starting my career and making money, I tell myself that will be enough but I know it's not. I know I need to start doing things for myself and not for the attention of another but I can't help wanting to be with someone. I'm also scared of getting into a relationship and then loosing it after wanting one for so long. I hate that the only love I have ever experienced had been unrequited but that's life. I'm trying to accept the fact that I'ma late bloomer but it's hard and very lonely. All three of my best friends are in relationships (2 girls one married on engaged and my guy friend) I feel like I'm missing something. Well that's my story I would love to hear what you all have to say. Please feel free to tell me what you think. Thanks for listening.
My advice is to learn from your past but not think about it. Second it's never to late to make a new start in anything. I'm 35 soon and I'm looking.
If you still are self-conscious about your weight, then think of a gym as a good place to work on your body image, and perhaps meet someone there. If there is a gym in the area which is favored by gay guys (there often is) you can work on improving your self-image and maybe meet someone there at the same time. It is a casual atmosphere where you can start a conversation about the exercise they are doing with almost anyone and not seem like you are hitting on them. Even if you don't meet someone there, you will be improving your attitude about your appeal to others, building self confidence, and increasing your attractiveness to people you will meet later. You can also translate that into other group sports activities where you can meet people if you want to; gym people often do running, or cycling, or swimming, or other such cardio sports activities where more people are involved whom you might meet. If you feel like coming out to them, straight people usually have a gay friend or two they can introduce you to to help you "network" to people with more dating potential.
I forgot to mention I dropped 80 lbs already. So I'm not as self conscious as I used to be but I've still got a little farther to go before I'm completely comfortable. I've stayed seeing people notice me but it's only been mostly women (ironic huh) or weird guys like that one time where this guy was hitting on me while shopping with his wife and daughter...
