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Had straight sex coukdn't cum

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by WallyO, Jun 18, 2014.

  1. WallyO

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    So I've been questioning my sexuality for a while now and decided that I'd let my actions decide for me. I met a girl a few months ago and we became really good friends. I told her everything about me including my confusion about my sexuality. We started playfully flirting a lot and after a week or so of that we hooked up.
    This was my first sexual experience and I was really nervous. I kept losing my boner and couldn't come even after trying to jerk off on her lol. It was pretty embarassing, but she was cool and said it happens more than I'd think and not to worry about it.
    So about a week goes by and we're still hanging out all the time and we hook up again. This time I'm not really nervous, but still couldn't come. Again she said not to worry about it and was really supportive.
    So now being the questioning type I'm wondering if it's because I'm gay. I did some research and found it could be any number of tthings. But the thing is is that I was/am attracted to her, but now I'm wondering if it's more of a friendship attraction than a sexual attraction. She is one of the most accepting and caring people I know. The good thing is that we agreed to be friends with benefits and nothing more, so I won't hurt her if I do turn out to be gay.

    I guess I'm just venting and maybe looking for some advice. I'd like to experimenting with same sex sex when I meet the right guy.
     
  2. Molly1977

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    Your male, you say you fancy men in your profile so no wonder you can't have propper sex with a woman. You don't fancy her and your body was telling you this by not letting you get an errection. When you have sex with a man it will be much easier for you.

    Molly x
     
  3. Boban

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    Not being able to cum has probably got more to do with your nervousness. The boner issue indicates that you didn't find the female attractive enough. Do you get aroused by men in general? who do you fantasize mostly about? And what porn do you watch (if you do watch porn)?
     
  4. WallyO

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    Well whenever we make out and cuddle i get an instant hard on.
    I do find men attractive. I enjoy checking out both sexes but mostly dudes.
    I enjoy lesbian and straight porn. Most gay porn doesn't do it for me.
    I had a sex dream the other nightinvolving one of my female friends after I decided not to pursue women until i try being with a man.
    I'm just a little confused i guess.
     
  5. robotman

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    Your friend sounds so supportive and understanding, she sounds like she is really nice... Erm... Maybe you were just nervous, you might also be a little bit confused... Maybe you should do what boban said and try and see how you react to different porn and such. In your orientation you put "I fancy men" so maybe you are gay and you are just trying to force a situation...
     
  6. ginger cthulhu

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    That's not necessarily true. Erection issues are very rarely due to attraction, and more with psychological (and sometimes physiological) aspects.

    You say you watch lesbian pornography - and that when you're making out/cuddling with this girl you become aroused? It sounds like you're just figuring yourself out. I wouldn't fuss with labels right now, just focus on you.
     
  7. stocking

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    Porn doesn't count in sexual orientation it doesn't matter what you watch there even lesbians who say lesbian porn don't do it to them and watch gay porn .
    Sex dreams don't count most of the time
    Your body is telling you you don't fancy chicks and they don't do it for you , If you weren't gay you would have no trouble having sex with her . Not saying you can't enjoy it ever but in your cause it's loud and clear
     
  8. jargon

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    That seems like it sums it up right there. You find women somewhat attractive, but based on what you've said, it sounds like you would be able to have a much more full sexual relationship with another guy. You're probably in that grey area where it would be valid for you to identify either as gay or as bi, because based on different ways of defining them you could be either. Or better yet, just don't put yourself in a box at all.

    If that characterization sounds right for you, then you probably have a much better self-awareness than most people who don't fit neatly into the gay/straight/bi boxes. Good for you. :slight_smile:
     
  9. WallyO

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    Hey funny thing is going to be happening tomorrow. So I've been hiking the AT (all this stuff has happened on the trail) and we're taking a side trip to DC. So I'm out to most of the people who are going, and one of them is gay and we're going to a gay bar. So I'm not going to hook up with any dudes, but I'm goong to get weird and mingle with some gay guys hopefully.
    I really want to experiment but not with a random ya know?
    So hopefully I can ease my way into myself through trial and error
     
  10. jahow95

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    sounds like performance anxiety to me dude
     
  11. joshy the queen

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    its is the first time you have sex with someone
    maybe your just stressed or something
    other than that i wont label you just do you feel that you want to have sex with her like for example thinking about having sex with a women would it turn you on at least a little ?? if not at all then i would say your just not so much into women
     
  12. WallyO

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    Yea we talked about it yesterday and just talking and thinking about had me chub up. I dunno.. I'm obviously curious about about sexuality or I wouldn't be here.. I've also been turned on thinking about gay sex but not every time. It's weird and I think too much.
     
  13. redneck

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    Wow does that sound familiar. My first sexual experience was also with a woman. I didn't have the erectile problem but the being unable to cum sounds so familiar. It was my best friend and well let's say I gained a lot of experience quickly. Still it took almost a month before she ever made me cum. After it happened once it started happening more and more frequently until it was an every day thing.

    The erectile problem is most likely just nerves and will go away as you gain confidence. The cannot cum could be nerves or it could be that vaginal sex is a stimulation you just aren't used to. Do you masturbate often? Or maybe aggressively?

    Also familiarity with your partner can make a huge difference as well. When I have casual sex i sometimes have the erectile problems and inability to cum but I have always had them go away as I became more familiar with my partners both male and female.

    If you just lost your virginity then these problems don't really indicate anything about your sexuality I mean you did say that the equipment works when you cuddle with her, and frankly she is just as female while cuddling as she is while having sex. What if it had been a boy (which you said you prefer) and had these same problems?


    As far as orientation goes you will have to discover that for yourself. I guess technically I am bi but I have such a strong preference for men that i feel gay is actually a closer description.

    My only advice is to relax and enjoy the journey of self discovery. Well that and please, for your own health, play safely.

    Enjoy