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Dysmorphia, Gender Identity and obsessed by perfectionism

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by FireSmoke, Jun 30, 2014.

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  1. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    Hi guys,

    I need you help, seriously.


    I'm a transman. I realised who I am at 2 years old, admitted at 16 years old. At 16 years old I thought I was straight (women) but I realised some months ago I'm pansexual. It wasn't simple, because it was like my world fell down, despite I have always esteem pansexual people.

    However, I'm trying to accept myself, both as a man and as pansexual.


    But.


    But some days, when I'm in the mirror, I see myself as deformed. "Oh my god, my nose is too big! What the people will think about me!" I think. But I know very well that it's exaggerated. My nose isn't small but it's nice. My mom and sister says that it gaves me a nice-person's look.

    Yeah, but it isn't perfect. It has to be PERFECT. I have to be perfect, otherwise people can think that I am not a pleasant person.

    And I know, it's exaggerated.

    But I can't stop to think to do operations to my face, to my nose...:confused:


    Please, don't tell me that it's an adolescent problem because it isn't. This sentence is used from that bitch of my psychoterapist because she was bored to listen to me.


    I'm afraid to take photos of me, because I feel deformed. Photos aren't perfect because my camera is a smartphone one, but I think that the fault is only mine. I don't want to see me in the mirror.


    Sometimes, I don't want to go out from my home anymore :tears:


    But there're days in which I feel good with myself and I feel also attractive, especially for women.


    I cannot say this to my mom, because she say to me I'm stupid and I have to think about my future. I think about my future, what the hell! But why you make me feel this sense of guilt??? I feel alone and no one has never understood me.


    Could it be dysmorphia? Or is it gender-related? What can I do?
     
    #1 FireSmoke, Jun 30, 2014
  2. Despitelove

    Despitelove
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    you could have bdd or body dysmorphia, which is a really widespread problem, especially in the lgbt community because of the importance given on beauty.
    But body dysmorphia is also related to discrimination, bullying, trauma, society neglect, parents who aren't willing to accept you as who you are. So body dysmorphia is a real problem to consider. Talk with a psychologist. I suffer from bdd and ocd too, along with depression. I know how you feel, we are in the same boat. I'm gay and my family pretended to accept me but they hate me and they have never accepted my homosexuality.
     
    #2 Despitelove, Jun 30, 2014
  3. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest


    No I don't want to see a psychologist.
     
    #3 FireSmoke, Jun 30, 2014
  4. BelleFromHell

    BelleFromHell
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    That's what's happening with me, also... :frowning2:

    I agree. It sounds like you may have BDD to me. I suspect that I may also have it (although it may just be from bipolar disorder/OCD, I don't know).

    I think you should talk to a therapist about this, but it sounds like your psychotherapist isn't willing to listen. You should get a new one. I've been looking up LGBT friendly therapists/counselors in the U.S. for myself, but I'm not sure if there are many in Italy. You should Google some.

    ---------- Post added 30th Jun 2014 at 12:14 PM ----------
    I can't blame you for that. I've considered consoling, but only because my parents are making me. I think most consolers/therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists are very cold/indifferent/careless.

    I don't expect that talking to a random stranger will solve any of my problems, but it works for some people, apparently...
     
    #4 BelleFromHell, Jun 30, 2014
  5. Despitelove

    Despitelove
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    @ bellefromhelle :

    In italy the problem is not counselors. Counselors are very gay friendly and reparative therapies are illegal. The problem is the people. They are very homophobes compared to the rest of Europe. Especially if you live in a small city.
     
    #5 Despitelove, Jun 30, 2014
  6. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    No, it isn't true. They aren't "very gay friendly". At least only "a little friendly". And I am not gay.

    I don't give a fuck of homophobic bigot italians. And I am also leaving Italy because I'm going to study abroad, so I don't care also for this reason.



    I talked with my mom before you two answered to my thread.

    When I said I want to have top surgery, she's accepting.

    However, I don't want to see a psychologist because she treated me "badly" and she is considered one of the best terapist of the city :dry:

    Also because I'm moving abroad, and if I see a psychologist, I cannot see him/her anymore.


    Maybe I can do it by myself. I overcame to panic attack *by myself* (I swear) when I was 12-13 years old. I can also control this. Yeah, I can do it.
     
    #6 FireSmoke, Jun 30, 2014
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