Well... Hopefully someone can help me out here. I've been with my boyfriend for a while now, hes my first sexual encounter with a guy since i've come out. Its been 9 months that ive been with him. We have sex every weekend when we see each other and its great. Although, when we first started going out, i was the "bottom" in the relationship as he didn't really like bottoming much. I wasn't too upset about that, bottoming isn't that bad to me, but then he decided he wants to bottom and i was very eager to help that need if his as i've wanted to top for a while... Now the first time i think it was just pure nerves and i couldn't get it up properly and it would just go floppy after a minute of two of going in him. But it still continues to do this sometimes unless i have "morning glory" then i'm rock hard. The thing is, is when i am topping and in him and go as fast as i imagine i would like, i can't really feel much around there which is why i think i go down easily.... He is tight as sometimes its hard to even try and get it in there to begin with so i'm not sure what the problem is. And once its down, its down. My partner is starting to get upset with it thinking that he isn't sexy. Even though i love him and he is sexy. I just wish i could stay hard.... Now i do masturbate quite often, once a day/every other day and when i masturbate i am rock solid.... I'm wondering if i masturbate too much and now ive just kind of conditioned myself to only like it a certain way. Because it takes me a while to finish when hes jerking me and also i can't finish at all when hes blowing me.... Anybody else experienced this and can give me tips?
I have experienced this a few times in the past too. For me it was unfortunately because he didn't turn me on though, as much as I loved him, wanted to be with him, and wanted to please him - the spark was gone and the relationship ultimately ended. Didn't matter how much I told myself that I still found him sexually arousing. It just felt awkward, uncomfortable and unnatural most of the time. I'm hoping this isn't the case for u though. Might be different for u. Try more/different foreplay, different locations, toys, different positions, being honest with each other about the way u like things done, no masturbation or porn between the times that u see him, etc...
Oh god, im praying that isn't true because i really do love him to bits and i don't want to leave him. I'm going to try and not wank for a week and see if im rock solid then and enjoy it. Because i do enjoy the sex.
Sounds to me like this is becoming a performance issue.. but this is supposed to be fun and not something that has to be done just a certain way for a certain amount of time. How about forgetting about the "roles" for a while and just cuddling in bed, enjoying each other's bodies, exploring, discovering what feels good, what is TRULY exciting. Don't think about who's hard and who's not, who's on top, who needs to be on top, how much time you've been doing something for or who's ejaculated and who hasn't. Instead encourage one another with happy moans, pleas of "more! more!", guiding hands, or holding tight to slow down. I think if you give this a try for a few weeks you'll both forget all about the problems that aren't really problems...just the evolution of a sexual relationship. Good luck. Milan
Thanks, yeah i think your answer is most likely the cause. 90% of the time i'm in my head, i'm always thinking about things, barely letting my mind rest and i think like you said, its probably like a performance issue/anxiety. I need to just think about the sex part and have fun, let go of seeing if hes enjoying it or if he likes that or this. Going to be having sex tonight most likely so i'll try and get out of my head for this. He said this time he wants AT LEAST 5 different positions and to be able to feel it tomorrow aswell hahaha. Great guy!
H greeley, yes, I used to experience some issues back when I used to come too often. I would advise you to either ease off on masturbating so much, or alternatively, learn how to do so without passing any semen, or at least, not every time. Save your energy for your partner, that's what I would advise. Maybe just don't masturbate for a few days before seeing him, so that your sexual energy really gets built up a little more. Personally, I masturbate often, but I hardly ever lose any semen. As a result, my sexual energy remains strong, and I no longer have any issues with erections. When we dump a load of semen, we lose a lot of energy. The body needs to work hard to make new sperm, millions of cells, each one capable, if joined with an egg, of creating a new life. Nature places a very high value on the survival of the species, which is why no expense is spared in making the semen as fertile as possible, and this can drain a man of his vitality, if over-indulged in. If you were interested, it is possible to learn how to draw up the pleasure that begins to swell at the first moment when orgasm begins to expand, so that instead of ejaculating, you feel a mild sort of current, a sort of 'mini-orgasm' flow up the spine, into the head. I have lots of 'mild' orgasms like this, in a single session - really, you can have as many as you like, there is no limit - so long as you are quick enough to 'catch' the orgasm just as it is beginning to expand, and not 'fall over the edge' into full orgasm. Personally, I have grown to prefer having lots of mild O's, rather than just one biggie, and I find that conserving the semen means I actually have more energy after masturbating, rather than feeling somewhat tired and drained, like I used to. But, if learning this does not appeal, the best advice I can give is, to give masturbation a break for a few days before seeing your bf; let your sexual energy build up a little more, and see if that makes a difference to how hard you can remain while with him.
I thought I should add, I am far from having mastered the technique I mention above. This morning I went too close to the edge and blew it - I ejaculated. Just so y'all know, I'm just a beginner in that technique, and still have a long way to go in mastering it. Even so, I'm still experiencing quite a few health benefits, and do recommend it. On a lighter note, even just for the amazing orgasm that happens if you fail, it would be kind of worth all the effort :icon_bigg
