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Having trouble feeling good

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by beckyg, Aug 28, 2008.

  1. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    My chiropractor is all about taking care of three important things. That is you take care of your physical body by getting adjusted, keeping your spine in line, and all that. He also says you have to eat right. The third thing is you have to be in tune with yourself spiritually. Your spirit has to be in good health too otherwise you are going to continue to suffer health problems.

    I am a chronic pain sufferer. I've dealt with migraines for a very long time and can control them with medication. However it costs $285 a month and I don't get enough to last me through the month so I either have to use some of my mothers or call the clinic and the nurse gives me samples. For over a year now I've also had bursitis in my thigh joints that have left me sleepless and in pain. I was getting ultrasound with cortisone at the chiropractor and that wasn't working so they switched me to laser treatments. This has helped some however I'm at the end of my rope. I'm considering going to a regular doctor and getting the cortisone shots which I'm terrified of. Everybody tells me how painful they are but that they do help.

    That is not my only health problems. My weight is fluctuating like the price of gas. I'm exercising but it doesn't seem to be doing much good. I wake up in the morning and have to drag myself out of bed to do this. I literally hurt sometimes from my head to my toes. My chiropractor says that my adrenal glands are not working at all. I will sit down in the chair and be asleep at the drop of a hat. Last night I tried to watch a movie that I started at 7:30 PM and couldn't stay awake through it. I have no energy. A couple weeks ago I just broke down crying in my chiropractors office. I felt really bad about it because his mother-in-law was on her death bed at the time and here I was making him feel bad because of my chronic pain.

    I think the reason that I can't get better is really because I'm an emotional wreck. My marriage is really bad. He won't leave because he's a "good guy" even though he doesn't love me. He feels he needs to take care of the mother of his children. I haven't forced it because I'm scared to be on my own with no health insurance and I know I don't have the energy to run my child care and all of the household stuff at the same time. Even to give him the house and move into an apartment, I would have no job and finding a job with no college education in this economy is going to be very tough. I'm just at a loss. I feel stuck. I know I have to take risks in order to be happy but moving out of this rut I've been in for many years is not only wearing on my health but it might get worse before it gets better and that scares me too. I guess what I'm looking for is some courage. Its hard to muster up when I feel so drained. I'm not suicidal, but I feel like I've even lost my will to live. I absolutely love what I do with PFLAG and for you guys here but I feel like my cup is drained. Know what I mean?
     
  2. Quitex

    Quitex Guest

    Becky!!!! :frowning2:

    *BIG HUGS*
    Your health is first and foremost. You do such a great job here helping all of us and you're our mom, that is why we care about you. It is ok to take a break. It is ok to cry. My advice? Go to the doctor, and even if the treatment you have been told is painful, it will be helpful in the long run. You have two choices: feel bad about it, or do something about it. This is something a good friend of mine made me realize just yesterday.

    And it is perfectly fine to as for help!! It is understandable for you to be scared about what may happen of you leave your husband. Hell I would be so scared as well! But if he really understands you, even if there is no love involved, he will get the point across and help you out. Be sincere!!

    As for medical care/job: I know there are not that very well-payed jobs, the hours are long and it might get boring, but if there are any call centers in your area, that should be a good start. They don't require any physical condition at all so you won't be having to deal with the pain. And, if you need a couple extra bucks, there are online sites that offers you a part time job you can do from your home. For example www.chacha.com

    And last but not least, we LOVE YOU! You have no idea how you have helped us each and everyone in such a way. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers. Be strong Becky, I know you can pull through! (*hug*)
     
  3. Lexington

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    Wowzers. (*hug*)

    First off, if you're wearing yourself out, take time out from anything that's not essential. If it means taking a break from, yes, PFLAG and EC, that's cool. As important as this stuff is, you're important, too. We gotta try to get you back into a better spot.

    Secondly, work on getting yourself back into a better spot. Talk to your husband, and see if you might come up with some plans. One where you stay together, one where you end up apart - whichever you think is best. Anything that moves you forward. Right now, you're stuck in a state of kinda-sorta-maybe which may go one way or the other, and that can't help but add extra stress to whatever else is going on. If you both decide on a plan of action, and start moving in that direction, that'll probably remove a bit of stress from your life, and hopefully make things a bit better.

    You can make it through. You've got a huge cheering section here for you. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  4. Mirko

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    I am sorry to hear this Becky! (*hug*)

    If you feel that seeing a regular doctor and getting the cortisone shots might help then maybe look into that. I think it would be good if you would at least see a regular doctor to talk to him/her about it and go from there.

    If you feel that you need a break from it all, please take it. As Lex said, the work you are doing and your involvement with PFLAG and EC are important, but your health and well being are important as well. Try perhaps to focus on things that will give you energy and relive some of the stress that you have been experiencing. Do what ever you need to do to feel better again.

    I agree with Lex. Do talk to your husband. Talk with him about all the possible outcomes. If you decide to stay together and try working things out, try following that plan as best as you can.

    You can do it Becky! You will get through it. I hope things will turn out well for you.
     
  5. Jim1454

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    That sounds like something I would have said! :icon_bigg

    The Serenity Prayer:
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
    courage to change the things I can,
    and wisdom to know the difference.


    I'm glad you've shared this with us Becky. You know we all think the world of you, and we'd all pitch in if we weren't spread all over the globe!

    Get another opinion - go see your doctor. Let him give you a good 'going over' and see if there isn't something else affecting your energy levels. Also hear what he has to say about your hips and your weight. (Losing weight has been a challenge for me for years. It's VERY hard, and it has to be done over time.)

    Give yourself permission to slow down. Pass the baton to someone else for a while on PFLAG stuff if that is what is required. Perhaps give one of your employees more responsibilities at the day care so that you can spend a little less time there. Give your husband more responsabilities at home (if his attitude is that he should stay to take care of you!). And take a break from here too. Everyone deserves a vacation once in a while!

    With respect to your husband - just keep talking. Even if you end up room mates for the next little while, perhaps that's better than trying to make it on your own. But be clear and let him know what you want and need from your relationship with him.

    If there's anything you think I could do for you, please don't hesitate to say so!

    Love, Jim. :kiss:
     
  6. Ben

    Ben
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    Illness does suck ass, there's no denying. All you can do is try your best to wait until it starts getting better. It can be a drag, and your illness seems to be making you more upset, thus making you more ill... it's a downward spiral that you may need to get out of.

    Exercising that you do to keep weight off could be wearing you down and contributing to your tiredness. It may be worth considering whether this is happening. (too much exercise and overworking is not good for certain conditions)

    There is a way out of every rut, so don't feel trapped. You might want to talk to your husband about this, and of course there is no shame in seeing a psychiatrist and getting away from your emotional pain so you can focus more on your physical health.
     
  7. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    Thanks guys. We've already been through counseling. It didn't do much good. He just wants me to be somebody I'm not and I want him to be a Democrat. :grin: PFLAG and EC give me energy and they help keep me focused instead of dwelling on the bad stuff. We do need to talk though and make some changes. Its just hard because we have a hard enough time talking about the events of the day. I have noticed twice in a couple weeks my husband telling my parents something I knew nothing about it. Then I go back to our counseling sessions and remember him saying how if we divorced, he'd miss my parents more than me. It was pretty bad. My husband is very "old school". He should have been born earlier because he would have thrived in the 50's where women were barefoot and pregnant. He has had a hard time with my independence and finding myself and doing the things I love. However, here I am still trying to figure out how to be independant from him.
     
  8. Quitex

    Quitex Guest

    See? I actually listen to your advices.
     
  9. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    Employees? It is me, myself, and I here with six children ages 6 and under. Today I've got 8. Thankfully its nice and they are playing outside in the fenced back yard.
     
  10. Louise

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    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) You could have been talking about me there, except my ex isn't a 'good man' but that is another story.

    Firstly you need to make yourself financially independant, if this means going back to school then do so. I don't know about in America but in England there are all sorts of night school or courses by correspondance which can bring you up to speed on all sorts of diplomas.

    This might take you a year or two but you will be taking positive action towards a goal and this will give you the energy you need. Oh about the lack of energy, have you been to see your doctor about that?

    Becky, you can do this, you are a strong, intelligent, caring woman, you are a fighter, fight for yourself for once. Have you been to see a therapist to try to work out why you fight for others but not for yourself? You have the right to exist, you have the right to be happy, you have the right to be the person you were destined to be and not what your husband wants you to be... Two years of therapy taught me all this and taught me to believe it.

    People like you give, give, give until there is nothing left to give and Becky no longer exists. Find something you like doing which is just for you, for no one else, and then allow yourself to enjoy it without feeling guilty or selfish. This is not something you can do overnight simply because you are a giver not a reciever and unless you accept to recieve you will have nothing left to give.

    I read a wonderful book ; The body never lies by Alice Miller. I can highly recommend it. The pains you are feeling are very real physical problems that you have now and that must be treated by various specialists but if you can allow yourself to exist, find the courage to sort out your personal life you body will stop pulling the alarm bells to tell you that something is wrong.
     
  11. Fiorino

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    What she said.
    Becky, we are all rooting for you, and I hope things get better for you.
    No, I know things will get better for you, because you are an
    amazing person and life will work out for you.
    If you ever need anything, don't hesitate.
    (*hug*)
    I have a few words of advice. First, set goals of what you want and keep
    your mind of the end result and you'll figure out how to make it work
    so don't worry about "How". Secondly, You're stronger than you think,
    and don't be afraid to go for what you want in life, happiness, which
    isn't what you are getting right now. Third, you're an amazing person
    and ec as well as myself are always here for you, after all you are
    "ec's mom".
    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(&&&)
     
  12. Paul_UK

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    Firstly Becky, here's a big (&&&) from all of us.

    I could have said exactly that for the last two years. Everyone including you told me that we needed to talk. You were all right. But like you it was incredibly difficult to get that discussion going. As you know it did happen last week and we are now both moving forward.

    So please do the same, somehow. Talk to him about it. If you have to use a written note or whatever to kick-start the discussion then so be it - it worked for me!

    Markie was worried that he would be out of the house with nothing but that isn't happening. We have worked out the way we are doing things so that he will be OK and we will both get most of what we want.

    You said yourself that your husband is a "good man". No matter what happens he won't abandon you. There will be a way out of this that will work for both of you.


    I am not religious but I do like and agree with the message of those few lines.
     
  13. Gerry

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    Becky you're a great person and have always been here for us, so we're here for you when you need us. If counseling hasn't worked maybe it's time to separate for a while. You don't want to be in an unhappy situation if you can help it. What about going back to college part-time while working, to be financially stable. It's never too late to go back to school. There are many middle-age people in my classes that go back to make something more of themselves. Is there any career you have in mind? Maybe a 2 year degree would be a good idea, it seems harmless. I think what the others said about your pain should be suffice. I would recommend going for that shot/treatment even if you are dreading the pain, it would probably make you feel so much better. Maybe cutting back on PFLAG and EC would do some good too? We'd miss you terribly, but you have to do what's best for #1 -- yourself. This might be the least of your concerns right now, but you had mentioned your weight. This helped me a lot (but everyone's different) -- I go walking at night with some friends and I lost 16 pounds in about 6 months. All we do is walk. Maybe you can consider that if you feel up to it. I hope this helps you some and remember we're all here for you. We love you, mom. (&&&)
     
  14. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    You guys are so sweet. I love you too and don't know what I'd do without this place! I have been walking most everyday at 4:30 AM. *yawn* The walking actually makes my bursitis worse but I've been doing it anyway. Quitting my job isn't like quitting any job. I get so attached to the kids. Its so hard when one of them leave to give them all up would be difficult. I also love my job! However, it is really hard work and draining. I did call up the child development teacher at the high school and asked her to send me a student to help me in the mornings. However, she won't have a class at the time I need an assistant until winter term. I teach preschool first thing in the morning so that is when I'd need the assistant most. The best thing is its free and the student gets to work with kids. She has me on her list for winter term though.

    I am feeling somewhat better than I was this morning when I wrote that. I need to take baby steps in making this all happen and try not to focus on the big picture.

    Now tonight I'm having a girls night out so I better get in a good mood! Sheryl Crow here we come!!!! :grin:
     
  15. Gerry

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    Have a great girl's night out Becky! :slight_smile:
     
  16. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    I just got word Sheryl's performing at the DNC and she won't be to Bend until 9:30 PM. *yawn*. Its going to have to be a good night otherwise I'll be asleep on the lawn. :roflmao:
     
  17. KatzInHatz

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    Omg Sheryl?! *Jealous* I hope you have a good tiiiiime!!!! ^.^
     
  18. (*hug*) I have nothing better to say; everyone else has pretty much got it all, but I'm thinking of you.
     
  19. I am too. I do hope you feel better both physically and emotionally. You're such a valuable person to us all, and we all hope you feel better soon(*hug*)
     
  20. Vampyrecat

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    Becky, how many times have you helped us? So many I can't even count the times!!

    For your joint pain, I would HIGHLY recommend looking up some herbal remedies, I know a lot of people don't believe in that sort of thing but if you're feeling depressed there are some brilliant herbs out there which do help you a little. And I believe there are herbs which help with chronic pain as quoted here
    "skullcap, cannabis, valerian, turmeric, poppy, willow bark, St. John's wort, angelica, motherwort, black cohosh, wild yam, lavender, cayenne, kava kava, and rose. Essential oils of pine, lavender, peppermint, cinnamon, rose, clove, frankincense, rosemary, ginger, juniper, and birch also are used traditionally as pain relievers"

    See if you can get hold of some naturally grown cannabis or poppy seeds if you can, as these are the best types and the best known. I know cannabis isn't exactly 100% legal, but see if you can get some for medical purposes, because that is what it is for. There is more stuff you can read Here.

    For your husband, I think you should talk to him honestly about how you feel.

    *huggles* sending love and pain relief your way
    Tess.