Reading through this... http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexisnedd/things-nobody-tells-you-about-being-depressed I have felt this way for a while. Never totally depressed, always able to function... but feeling bored with everything I do, unable to get close with others, scrutinizing myself, isolating myself. This has not been conducive to exploring or productively getting at my sexual orientation. I think when I first came out I felt very isolated and negative; and now that I'm out-ish, but single again and in a new place with a new lifestyle I am again feeling isolated and I see myself start to pick at my flaws. Yup, and feeling numb. I don't really care about much right now. I need to stop. I need to stop thinking that my isolation is tied to my orientation, that my life will magically get better once I figure it out, because it's making me crazy and it's making me like NEED to figure this out RIGHT NOW. I ask impossible things of myself. And focusing on myself keeps making this worse. And as it gets worse I lose touch with things beyond myself. And the cycle continues. I'm gonna start simple. I'm gonna go for a run tomorrow, do the dishes. I'm gonna go to work. I'm gonna eat right. I'm not gonna drink. And I'm gonna socialize and be present in the moment, not just sitting there along for the ride. I gotta move beyond this issue, because clearly what I've been doing thus far has been ineffective. Questioning can suck me in, keep me under. And reading through posts it feels like I'm not the only one so I feel validated, like I can keep going like this. But I can't. We've all gotta save ourselves, this forum is helpful but can quickly become toxic. It's helped me but in some ways it holds me back. I don't know if that means I need to take a hiatus, but I definitely need to step back and take a look at how I'm using it. Ok sorry for the rambly post... that's that.
Why are you letting this bother you so bad , I think your worrying too much about labels way too much. Just enjoy life and date who you want to date and sleep with who you want to sleep with . Labels are just an option that you can choose if you want to use or not it is not a requirement . Your taking it way to seriously
I know. I've been putting way too much thought into this, and sometimes I feel like everything is figured out and other times it doesn't, and with all the other uncertainty in my life I'm letting this get to me way more than it needs to. I'm really trying to figure it out so I can settle down; I'd love a serious relationship. I guess now is not the right time though, and this kind of thinking is making it difficult to go about things instinctually.
Hun date who you want and don't worry about it , it took me 25 years to accept that I was a lesbian and I felt just as frustrated as you did even though my sexuality was pretty clear all my life . It takes some of us time , there is a guy on here he didn't find out he was gay til age 50 . Wondering girl just enjoy your life and take your time and do what you want to do the answer will come in time . I know it can be a pain but you shouldn't worry about it .(*hug*)
Yea it have felt like this a lot of times but the one thing i do is try and distract myself for example, listening to music and talking to friends
Thanks buddy, I know it takes a heck of a long time to sort out for some people, me included I guess. I'm gonna just do me from now on, and stop letting this define me.
I need to say thanks. I have been feeling off lately, most likely due to the fact I have recently come to terms with my own sexuality. But after reading through that link have discovered I may be sersiously depressed. I think it may have been the push I needed to really seek counseling. And I agree just do you. I use the umbrella term queer for myself. It makes sense for me. Everyone loves differently. Good luck and get out there.
Glad you found it helpful. I think the goal is not to reach a point where you just throw your hands up and say "I have depression! I can't help it and I am not responsible for what I think or do!"; the goal is to learn to recognize reality and separate it from the world that depression creates for you. Once you do that you'll find your way back. Counseling can be incredibly helpful, if only to have someone experienced listen to you and not give you the same tired advice well-meaning friends often give. I wish you luck with it.
Sorry you've been going through this, wanderinggirl. As you probably know I've been intensely questioning myself, as well. It's so easy to get into an obsessive, self destructive cycle. Recently I have decided I'm gay. In all honesty I feel a little apprehensive, like I may have slapped this label on myself prematurely, but some things in my life brought some thoughts of clarity, and I feel like I need to do it, with the thought in mind that it's possible that it may in the future change. And if that happens, that's ok. I am sort of mentally testing the waters, to see how I feel about calling myself a lesbian. Lesbian seems the most correct label for me at this time, so that is what I am going to use. I'm fairly confident it's correct, but a tendency toward self doubt sometimes causes me to second-guess. I realize now though, that you can only make choices based upon information you HAVE, not information that may be, or may not be, in the future. And I think that that is one of the things that was causing me so many hangups, as well. I wonder if making a similar decision could help you, too? I tried not labeling, and that just did not work for me, I still couldn't stop thinking about it, and calling myself "gay, but maybe bi" in my head regardless. Sometimes making a decision can put an end to the "worry what if" cycle. And if it's the right decision, excellent. If not, that's ok, you can reevaluate later. It's also possible for you that simply making a decision to go "labelless" could help, as well. As for your depression, are you seeing a counselor or therapist?
I second guessed myself too when I first used the label lesbian but sometimes I think that could be just you coming to terms with it. It's good to know you found one that fits
Thanks, Stocking, you may be right. I'm still having some trouble wrapping my head around everything.
Good for you. I guess even if you do label yourself as "gay" it doesn't have to be permanent. I've decided to avoid labels altogether for now, but that doesn't work for everyone. And you're right about this: Worrying about hypotheticals tends to create a lot of trouble, I see that in your story as well as mine. I think the best thing you've said is that if it changes, then that's ok. It's hard to be comfortable with changing labels, but hey I've already rejected "straight" so if I reject "gay" or "bi" in the future what's the worst that could happen? Not much. I have been seeing a counselor, I just need to talk through this. I seem to care too much about others' opinions, when it comes to relationships and how I present myself and what I choose to pursue in life in general, and I'm starting to realize to what extent I've been living for other people. Your response was excellent, thanks.
That's a good realization. While sexuality is a big part of life, it is not the be-all-and-end-all of it, either. We could be completely attuned to our sexuality, yet still be depressed. I encourage you to seek out some help in dealing with this, and I'm speaking as one who relies very much on having a good counsellor to talk over things with.
