My life...I hate it. I have never thought I could withstand such pain. Everyday is a battle, should I try to move on, or just swallow those pills? Should I scream and cry myself to sleep like I do every night, or simply slice my wrists and fade away? So many mistakes, so many regrets. Everyone around me is happy, they don't see my world, my pain, or my heart. I had a dream that I held on to for 18 years, but every year I saw it slip away. Its been dead for 6 years now. Smaller ones have followed, but have met the same fate. Now I am completely broke, and spent a year of frustration and sweat, believing that this would be the one thing that world, a promise of a dream job. Even last week, my potential bosses were very pleased in my work and led me to believe that today, I would be working with them. But due to budget... I will never work with them. It seems insignificant, but it was all I had left. So, I am faced with working retail again after quitting twice believing I would be working my dream job, but I would be forced to bag groceries forever, and hating myself. I have tried so many times to kill myself, but I can't follow through. Why do I have to be so afraid of pain? WHY CANT I JUST DIE? I HATE myself, please somebody, kill me. Please, please. Please.
Please don't wish to be killed. You are such a beautiful person, you deserve to live. You may feel like there is no escape now or no hope but there is ALWAYS hope. Believe me, I've seriously considered suicide - I'd even written a note - but I didn't go through with it and I am so, so glad that I didn't. It does get better - I know you might not believe me now but it really does. If you think no one cares, you're wrong, I really, really do care. I feel with you; losing your dream job. The fact that they really did want you is a good sign that there are plenty more people out there who will want you to work for them, in great jobs that you'd love to do. Please talk to someone about how your feeling; friends, family, suicide helpline. And please PM anytime you just want to talk. (*hug*)(*hug*)
I'm sorry. I can only try to imagine the pain and hurt you feel right now. But please, don't swallow those pills! Don't slice your wrists! It's okay to crash down crying, as long as you still find the will to stand back up again. If you can't imagine doing it for yourself right now, do it for everyone else in your life, who would lose a piece of this world that makes it worth living for them... Life might seem dark, unfair and unfriendly now, and might have been so for a while now, but as hard as it is to imagine, it will get better, please try to hang in there! A job is not the most important thing in the world, you know? Sure it sucks to feel like one's dream is over and over denied to one, but you know what you wanna do with your life and you are working on that dream to come true, that's more than a lot of people can say about themselves. It might take a bit longer than you expected and might seem just out of reach and totally unfair, but if you don't give up, you can still win. If you give up now, you have already lost. You said you made so many mistakes, have so many regrets... Turn the page and start a new chapter. You can't change what's behind, but you can influence what's happening now and in the future. You made mistakes, okay. I'm pretty sure you learned from them and won't make them again. Everyone makes mistakes. But those mistakes don't define us, we are more than that! You don't have to deal with that alone. Try to speak with someone about it. Try to make them understand how you feel. Get support. You're not alone in this. And we're always here, too. Take care
You know what we'll tell you. No, you should not swallow those pills. No, you should not slice your wrists and fade away. Every day is a battle. You said it yourself. But these battles can be won. How? By trying. By living. The only time you lose is when you give up. And you haven't given up yet. By posting this thread, you're telling us you want to win, even if you feel like you just want to give up. And many of us can understand that. You mentioned a dream job. You won't be able to do that if you're dead. No chance of getting what can make you happy. No chance of actually being happy. No chance at all. Killing yourself kills your chances. Living, on the other hand, presents you with chances. All sorts of chances. Big ones, small ones. Keep on fighting. (*hug*)
