I can feel the tears welling up inside me. My money just came though in my account. It's been four days since I had a smoke. Now, if I wanted to, I could afford to buy some tobacco. What will I do? I don't want to go back. I slept for almost six hours straight last night. I have not done that for months. Mostly, I have had disjointed sleep, three hours here, two hours there. Now, I am beginning to sleep properly again. Plus, this morning I hardly even had that headache I have been waking up with. If I smoke again, I feel like I will undo these positive changes. I'm tempted but at the same time, I want to be able to sleep again! To not constantly be sleep-deprived and tired. Anyway I've decided to put the money I would have put into tobacco, into going out again on Friday night. I can't really afford to do both, I have to choose. So I will choose to be served a beer or two by that stunningly cute bartender, and dance my little b*tt off in that club again. I think that's more fun, even if I have to wait for it, than sucking carcinogenic smoke down into my lungs. But when I say to myself, "....., you can do it", I feel emotion coming up. I know I can do it, I know I can stay off the smoke, but it will be hard because these tears are coming up. I suddenly feel so sad. I think there are still sad feelings that were being squashed by the smoking, that are now coming up saying "look at me! pay attention to me!" So I will, for now, try to accept that sometimes it's ok to cry a bit, to let a few tears fall. All part of the detox maybe?
Are you going cold turkey? Seems like you're determined, I'm not worried about you, you want this. Take it hour by hour. Moment by moment. Well done!
My habit was not particularly large, I think I was smoking about five self-rolled little cigs a day. But I was noticing how there was a tendency to always want one a bit sooner, the habit was always gradually creeping up on me, the count gradually increasing. So if I have even one, I will just go for it again. I know myself too well. I can't have any tobacco in this house at all. I'm a bit of an all-or-nothing person with things like pleasure. Extreme or nothing at all. Thanks for your encouraging words, Richie. Yes hour by hour, remain in the present. That's good advice. Even if sometimes I get like this :tears: I know that by halving my risk of stroke, not to mention other health benefits, that I will soon be feeling more like this :icon_bigg so I just have to persevere through the difficult feelings that arise.
I quit ten years ago. But whenever I got the urge I would do 10 push ups or jumping jacks. Something active like a run up my buildings steps. But being out of breath made me not want one. Plus I was rebuilding the damage I created. Also. Remember cute guys don't like cig breath. Good luck my friend. You can do it.
I saw your message. My mind is playing tricks on me. This morning I was so determined. Now I just want to buy some. But just for this one day, I am going to live without it. Thank you so much for your encouragement. Thanks also to Richie. I'm bloody well crying. I am so damn sad. If I smoked all this emotion would stop. I will see this out for one day. I'm going to face this just for one day. My bloody life. It's not what I wanted. I'm in pain. It's all coming at me now. all the feelings I have been suppressing. just one day I will re-evaluate if I still want to give up after dawn tommorow.
Damien, sweetie I hate to tell you smoking isn't going to make anything go away. It will ease your thoughts about it, but it will still be there. I want you to stand firm and resist. Remember that you want to go out Friday. That will be worth it, get out there and live. Have you thought about journaling your feelings. Even if you tear it up or burn it when you are all done. Sometimes getting it out even to a piece of paper can make a world of difference. I held you in my nightly meditation. I was sending you support and love to make it through. I know your day is coming to an end and mine is just starting but I am always here for you. Keep it up.
Not only is it OK to cry, it's a really positive thing to let the emotions (whatever emotions they are) come up. I wish you the best and I'm confident that you can get past this hurdle and on to a healthier and happier life
I'm right there with you Damien...3 days since my last cigarette...like you I'm not a heavy smoker...but tend to reach for them when I'm feeling lost...lonely...stressed. Really good putting the money you would have spent into having a night out instead...dancing much better for you
Well, I don't think anyone WANTS to smoke, unless they're ignorant of the effects. Nonetheless, smoking is hard to quit, as I've seen from numerous relatives. I aplaud your effort. :eusa_clap
What I learned from many and many AA and NA rooms when it came to alcohol and drugs, is that the Once Day at a time approach works best. Why? Because we can do something unbearable for the short term... say for a day, than for the long term like - forever... So you need to sit there and rationalize this out. Make a deal with yourself. Today I won't smoke... Tomorrow I will deal with tomorrow... Each day that this sits heavy on you, just promise yourself that its only for this day.... Trust me, I got past doing a whole ocean of alcohol and at least one mountain of meth by not aiming to do the impossible (steer clear of these things forever), but by steering clear for the day.. the next hour... whatever. Baby bites...
I smoke cigarettes, but I can go days or weeks without taking a puff, because I've conditioned myself to be like that. Of course, one could argue, why don't I quit permanently? Well, I like the act of smoking. I'm not keen on the taste or the health effects, but there's just something about exhaling into a spinning fan, and watching it disperse. I purchased a hookah a while ago, and that is nice to smoke on. Problem is, it isn't easily mobile, but perhaps this may be something you can look into. They have a variety of flavors, too. One thing I've found to help is, chewing. Doesn't matter what, just chew. Also, go some place where smoking isn't allowed. Drink a lot of water and cranberry juice, so you can piss the nicotine out of your system. But you're always going to have to deal with the mental cravings. I've heard you're supposed to avoid going places, being around people, or doing anything you associate with smoking -- if I followed that, I'd be sitting in a solid white room, with nothing. But I think there is some wisdom to it, just try to take it easy, going places or doing things where you normally smoked. If you can make it three weeks, apparently, you're on the way to success. After that, you'll have to contend with your ego, and the whole, "It's been so long since I last smoked, it won't hurt to try one", and it may not. But I guarantee you, you hit one, you'll find it easier to justify hitting a second, then a third, then a fourth, and then you're puffing away on a pack. It helps if you can find somebody to quit with. That way, you both can relate to the struggle, and both can see, through each other, it is possible to quit.
