I've been in a relationship for 4 months now with my girlfriend. We're long distance, and met for the first time last week. Everything was great, we had great chemistry, physical contact, and kissing was amazing. The second it went any further.... things got tricky. She had been with girls but never done oral sex, and I was essentially her first time. She did it, but didn't seem to enjoy it. Afterwards, when it was my turn to get her off, I couldn't do so giving her oral (fingering her was not an option due to having fake nails on). Eventually, she let me use my fingers to rub and got off, though she said that it made her feel like she was doing it. Ever since then, she has been off with me. I went back 2 days ago and have had nothing but coldness. Finally, we had a conversation about it and she said she's worried that there is something wrong with her. She said she loves me, and is attracted to me, and enjoyed fingering me, but giving oral made her "feel like (she) could throw up". She said she hated the wetness and the texture on her mouth. She also said that she didn't find sex enjoyable. I asked her if she thought it was because she was straight and she said she thought about it, but she's sure she loves me and is at least 5% gay, and that is enough to love me. I'm really worried she is actually straight and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I'm also worried that it's me, and I'm not good enough (I've had experience before with no issues) or that it's that she doesn't find me attractive. She insisted it was neither of these things. I don't know what is wrong or how to move forward in the best way to help her and make her comfortable again. I don't know why she isn't enjoying sex and if fingering her would have changed things. Because we're long distance, it's difficult for me to try and fix anything as we won't see each other for months.
i think she is just one of the ones that dont like oral sex, its not your fault its good that you talked it out with her but for future reference i think you should ask her what she might like as far as sex goes
This is a really good quote from another thread, hope it is ok to post: You might think about including toys... you might look up magic wand... and you could next time really take your time... relax... get your heads free and just be in the moment...
You guys are just starting out a sexual relationship, you have all the time ahead of you two to really become more comfortable with sex. It's as much of a bond as everything else and it will grow. Besides, I don't think anybody has too much of a pleasant experience in their first couple goes. I remember my first couple of sexual experiences took hours for me to actually...ahem...get off, and it shouldn't normally take much for a guy to get off! If you two love each other, keep on going. Learn more about each other, find your kinks, and whenever an obstacle stands in the way find a way around it. I wish you two the best of happiness. ^___^
First time sex, unfortunately, ends up being awkward, isolating, and overall not much fun for a lot of couples. My relationship was one of those, actually. We were in a very similar situation to you when we started. We're long distance, and instead of being able to take it slowly, we really rushed into a sexual relationship right off the bat. I was pretty much okay with that, but my poor girlfriend not so much. She was really really nervous during sex, and that kept her from really enjoying it for a very long time. I was kind of really pushy (which I regret and advise strongly against), so I just kept pressing until she gave in to what I wanted to do. She had fun sometimes, and she still insists she never felt like I coerced or forced her into anything, but I still know it would have been something she would have enjoyed much much more from the start if I'd known better and been more patient. What I'd advise is This. 1, work up more slowly. Start small. Oral sex is not small, having a vagina in your face is daunting even for experienced lesbians. 2. Have cyber sex. A lot. A lot a lot. 3, talk about what you expect sexual things to be like in real life. Talk about what you want to do if they don't go that way. Talk about everything. Talk constantly. 4, be willing to experiment to find things you both like. Neither my girlfriend not I really feel much going on with oral. It's mildly pleasant at the height of it. Fingering and strap ons are our thing. Toys can definitely be your friends. 5, focus on comfort. The more comfortable she is, the better sex will be for the both of you. I promise. Sex with a frightened lover is like hugging a frightened cat. She won't enjoy it, she might hate you because of it, and you'll probably get hurt too. Make her feel safe and cared for and it can start being magical. Lastly, ditch the fake fingernails. Forever. Seriously. No. The other things are emotional, and deeply spiritually necessary, but this is more of an opinion that I really, really, really think you should listen to. Long fingernails are bad for lesbians. Have them short short and filed smooth. Really, it should be pretty hard to even scratch your own itches before you stick them in a vagina. I know long fingernails are cute. Too. Fucking. Bad. You are in a long distance relationship, the least you can do is take off the falsies and finger your girlfriend when you see her. Okay, this is indeed a stereotype, but no lesbians have long fingernails. This is for a reason. Don't. Lastly, I would like to mention that my girlfriend and I, despite the fact that I was a little asswipe for the first quarter of our relationship and had to bring my own nail clippers to our visits to make sure my lady parts survived sex for as long, are still very very happily together. Four years now! Don't think you've wrecked it, but do work hard to fix what you didn't do so great on. There's still hope.
