Hi, I met this really cool guy at a gay bar... He let me know his HIV status before we started dating (He had an undetectable viral load) We dated for 4 weeks all was going well but then as soon as i mentioned that i am getting "feelings" for him he dumped me lol... I then next day had the 4th gen HIV test which gives you an accurate result of an HIV infection within the last 30 days of any sexual contact with a NEGATIVE result (I only gave and received oral & we rimmed each other) NO SEX Is this the usual in the "Gay scene" where you get dumped after dating as soon as you mention the word "Feelings" ?! Any advice would be great Cheers!
I don't think one can really make generalizations that are worth much in a situation like this. I do think that a lot of HIV+ people really struggle with their emotions because even with a disease that's been with us for some 30 years now, there's still tremendous stigma about having HIV that scares a lot of people away (and, to be honest, not without good reason.) So in this case, my guess is that you having feelings probably scared him because he was afraid either that he'd develop his own feelings (which might be really scary for him), or he was afraid that you'd develop feelings and then run away, which would hurt him... and so, to avoid gettign hurt later, he simply cut it off now. Various types of fear of emotional intimacy are a common theme or thread that runs throughout much of gay culture, and is probably the biggest single cause of relationship failure. This goes directly back to shame and feelings of being unworthy of love and connection. The best you can really do is try to understand yourself, and analyze your own feelings and attractions. Often we unconsciously attract unhealthy people because at some level we feel like we don't deserve healthier people. For those who have that tendency, as you start to work through your own feelings, you find that the people you attract start being healthier as well.
