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Newly sexually active and worried about recent encounter

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Decront, Sep 27, 2014.

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  1. Decront

    Decront
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    So I've questioned my sexuality for a long time but recently have been accepting that I'm about 95% sure I'm bisexual. My transition from outright denial to semi-acceptance to experimentation/confirmation has been fairly quick.

    Recently, I've been talking to a guy who is really great and sweet and we meet in person for the first time several days ago. Well, in person his personality and everything even exceeded the person I got to know through texts and everything has gone amazing so far.

    A couple of days ago I went back to his place and we hooked up and again last night. We didn't go all the way with anal, but there was plenty of close contact without condoms and oral and such.

    Well this morning I noticed some pill bottles laying out in the open in his bathroom and curiosity got the best of me. I don't know what one was, but one was truvada, a treatment and also pre-infection prevention for HIV.

    I'm kind of freaking out. Being so new and really ignorant of the GLBT scene and issues, it's just not really something I thought to ask beforehand though I should have. How do you even bring that up? I also dont want to "confront" him because I really like the guy and he seems to like me too so I don't want to ruin a long term possibility, but I'm also concerned he may be HIV positive and didn't tell me. Plus I don't want to be seen as a snoop, even though the bottles were laying out.

    What should I do? And how soon can I be tested and have the results mean something? Where do i go? I've never been tested as i only had one other encounter with a guy before who was clean. I'm scared one of my first encounters may have put me at significant risk.

    Thanks and sorry for the long post
     
    #1 Decront, Sep 27, 2014
  2. TJ

    TJ
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    While it's totally awesome that you want to be polite about it and considerate of his feelings and privacy, your health is potentially at stake here. You're absolutely justified to ask him that, and you can do so in a reasonably polite way.

    A simple text message like, "Hey, I really really don't want to be rude, and I really don't want to invade your privacy, but because we did this stuff I need to know. I saw some pill bottles in your bathroom for HIV prevention. Is this something I need to be worried about? Are you positive, or are you just being cautious?"

    Something like that shows that you're being courteous and not just overreacting and freaking out.

    Ask. It's (basically) a right for you to know your partner's status if you engage in sexual activity with them.

    --

    That said, getting a cautionary test done never hurt anyone. :slight_smile: You can find a site in the US via this federal website: http://hivtest.cdc.gov/
     
    #2 TJ, Sep 27, 2014
  3. Decront

    Decront
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    Thanks for your advice. I sent him a text almost exactly what you put. It's been 40 minutes with no response. Every other time he's responded within 5. It's hard for me not to worry, not only about the status but about ruining what was going extremely well. Hoping for the best :frowning2:
     
    #3 Decront, Sep 27, 2014
  4. Candide

    Candide
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    I'm afraid I can't offer any helpful advice but I wanted to wish you luck. I hope all is okay xx
     
    #4 Candide, Sep 27, 2014
  5. Chip

    Chip
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    Hi,

    You are probably not at high risk here, as the risk of oral transmission is pretty low. So take this as a learning experience... it is always, always, always important, to discuss sexual history and HIV / hepatitis status before any sexual activity.

    Also, while Truvada is often used for HIV treatment, it has recently gotten visibility as an HIV preventative ; meaning, it is being prescribed to people at moderate-to-high risk of HIV infection (in other words, promiscuous gay men) as a prophylactic against HIV infection; combined with condom use, it is supposed to reduce risk of HIV to near zero. But very few people are actually on it for prophylactic use in part because of high cost (several thousand dollars a month) and because it is toxic as heck and has a bunch of side effects.

    I do think it is reasonable and appropriate to message or call and ask him exactly what's up. He may be newly HIV+ and embarrassed about telling people, but that's no excuse, and he owes it to you to own up to the truth.

    And... please get tested just to be sure. The test won't be at 99% accuracy for 1 to 2 months, but you can get about 90-95% accuracy at the 30 day mark with the conventional antibody test.

    Edit: If he hasn't responded... it's possible he's in a shame storm and trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. It's also possible he's not willing to own what is going on. If it's the latter, unfortuantely, this is probably not someone you want to be with, as authenticity is a fundamental building block of any healthy relationship.
     
    #5 Chip, Sep 27, 2014
  6. Decront

    Decront
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    He messaged me and we had a good talk. He was out and about all day and his phone had died.

    All is ok. He is taking it preventively and was recently tested negative and I trust him on it. He works in healthcare and has insurance and gets it free so he said he talked to his doc about taking it preventively. I did some reading on it and though it can have some side effects and can be expensive, the benefits are significant and he says he takes all measures he can to be as safe as possible. I think it gets a bad rap for being only for "promiscuous" people. The cdc and who seem to have both recommended it for anyone engaging in anal sex.

    Either way, I'm glad we had the discussion and glad to have the answer. Thanks everybody.
     
    #6 Decront, Sep 27, 2014
  7. seeking

    seeking
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    I am so very happy for you that he is healthy and safe, but i still recommend getting tested at least 3 or 4 times a year to be on the safe side in your sex life. (!) (*hug*) The lgbt centers i been to usually offers STD testing ever month to couple months. And also always be as safe as possible.
     
    #7 seeking, Sep 27, 2014
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