Due to events that have unfolded recently in my life (which do not involve any of the other problems I typically discuss) that I don't really want to disclose, my anxiety has turned from a state of purely mental malaise to physical agony. The other day (Wednesday) an event in my house unfolded which took a large toll on me, emotionally. By Thursday morning I still had that icky feeling one might experience the day after such an event-- that feeling of "What am I doing wrong?" and "How can I always be so wrong?" and "I'm not doing things right." Me and another party involved in emotional altercation the night before discussed the previous evening's events in depth, it was one of those days where nobody did anything and not even a light bulb was switched on in the house because of the depression in the air. Well, by that evening, the problems seemed to have delineated-- I was feeling pretty good, as were the other parties involved with Wednesday evening's emotional altercation. It was a bit late, maybe around 10 or 11 at night when I decided to go down to the kitchen and fix myself a cup of peppermint tea when all of sudden a shock went down my spine and my shoulder blades gave out and I fell over. I thought I was having a stroke at first, however that's unlikely due to my young age and the fact that I'm in pretty good health as is always reassured to me by physician. (I'm a hypochondriac, in a big way.) I managed to get up and climb the stairs back to my quarters and when I sat down on my sofa and leaned forward it was like a dozen knives went into my flank, shoulder blades and spine. I started croaking (I didn't want to scream, I did everything I could not to scream, I didn't want more drama, all I cared about at this point was the comfort of those around me.) The pain was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. Do you know how when you go to the emergency room and after an hour or three of waiting to be seen they ask you "Describe your pain, on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being ignorable and 10 being the most pain you've ever experienced?" Well, the highest I've ever had to answer that question to a nurse at the ER was 7. This was a 10. I texted one of the other parties in my household and told them to come up to my chambers immediately and they did and I explained what was happening. They told me it was a back spasm, and they'd been dealing with those for a long time. They said it was probably due to me bottling up my emotions and stress regarding not only Wednesday evening's emotional altercation but a number of other things as well. The pain in my flank at first made me think differently, I insisted it might be a kidney stone but the area of the pain was too far up to be a kidney and my urine is clear and healthy looking and easy to pass. The party involved gave me a muscle relaxer and I fell into an uneasy sleep. Friday morning I woke up and at first I couldn't feel the pain, then I sat up and it attacked me like a ton of bricks. I've been in excruciating pain since then, it's a ten and it fades down to about a 5 or a 6 when I'm not stressing but it's getting worse. What I'm really trying to ask here is it possible that I've been bottling my emotional problems so long that instead of plaguing me mentally they're actually attacking me in a physical manner? I had to walk with a cane everywhere, yesterday because I kept falling over cursing from the jabbing feelings and contractions in my back. I've tried putting ice on it and heat, but neither works as anything more than a short term solution. If this is a psychosomatic thing then I think it's the mother of all psychosomatic episodes I've ever had in my life. Any help would be appreciated.
