Bottoming hurts so much

Well im still a virgin so I only have porn to go from which isnt great for giving realistic images about sex. How are the people on top behaving, Are they being gentle and understanding with plenty of lube?

 

The big question for me is do you really want to bottom? If you are trying something that you really don't want you are not going to enjoy it. It's not for everyone.

Bottoming really shouldn't hurt so much though. If it really hurts then something is wrong. It may be that you are not using enough lube. Use plenty to start with and stop if necessary to apply more... and don't use anything other than lube.

When your partner is ready to enter you it's a good idea for you to push out too (as though you are taking a bowel movement). What you want to avoid is him 'forcing' his way in as that could hurt. Guide him in if necessary.

Don't start off with any rough or hard sex. If that's how you and your partner like it, you (as the bottom) need time to relax and get used to being penetrated. If he just starts thrusting away hard immediately it will more likely hurt. If it does feel uncomfortable at any time speak up.

 

MY QUESTION IS! Did you ever even try before?

 

I meant like practicing you know? Masturbating anally

 

Buy multiple ones of different sizes. Helps practice

 

It took me a while to enjoy bottoming. As most everybody here has said it is not normal to have something going into an exit only passage. However with some self exploration I learned to relax and enjoy it. I agree with everybody you MUST start with toys and lube. Go slowly as you need. Your body is a great barometer for what is going well and what isn't. It took me about 3 week to progress from a small toy to a larger one. I am just like you. I am a bottom. There are times that my body overrides my mind and I am not in the mood to have anal sex. Other times I am more than ready and it feels amazing. Since I don't want to hurt myself I listen to what my body is telling me.

The most important thing from experience (not that I have a ton) is to make sure that you are ready each and every time and that you are with somebody who is on the same page as you are. Porn is fun to watch but in no means reality. Since I am in the process of coming out and getting into a serious relationship my biggest fear is getting in over my head and getting hurt both physically and emotionally.

 

1. relaxation
2. preparation

You need to make a conscious effort to relax your sphincter muscles - it doesn't really happen on its own. The more tense you are, the more it will hurt (though it shouldn't really hurt at all). Also try 'pushing' a bit (don't worry about any accidents - presuming you have had a bowel movement already).

You should also prepare beforehand. Using fingers is alright, but maybe try getting a dildo or buttplug to mimic an actual penis as much as possible.

Knowing the type of pain you experience might be useful - is it pain from stretching, or does it feel like the penis is hitting a wall?

 

As a counterpoint to what's been said so far - which I think is all good advice - I'll also suggest that some people just don't like bottoming. Particularly if it's painful in a way that is more than just uncomfortable, and continued attempts don't get any better, it might be worth thinking about whatever potential damage could happen (and for no real pleasure yet, from the sound of what you describe).

Don't get me wrong - if you wanna practice, by all means, go for it, and take your time. But if the pain is serious and you're not getting anywhere with it, don't continue to push yourself just because you feel like you're supposed to.

Also, how do you like topping?

 

A better question is: Is it safe to assume that because someone is comfortable using a large dildo(safely with plenty of lube) that they will be comfortable bottoming? I ask this because when I bottomed in my teens, it hurt 4 out of the 5 times. However, I couldn't take anything as large as I can today(toy-wise).

 

Maybe you're just not set out to be a bottom? You could practice and maybe get some toys. You could tell the guy that maybe he's being too rough.

Or you could go knit in a corner and let someone else have at it. (I'm sorry, the virgin here couldn't resist making a comment like that. )

 

I could be that the lube is not getting to all of the important places. You might use a lube in tube form and squirt it inside before you start. That should prevent the penetration from getting ahead of the lube, so to speak...

 

There is something to be said possibly about it still being naturally tighter in your teens. I personally found for toy play that it didn't "open up" very well until I was in my mid 20's. I know different people can have sex in their teens, and it doesn't hurt. I don't know, just a thought.

 

Hi Bornthiswaybby

I don’t think anyone has mentioned this yet but you could try starting off in a cowboy position i.e. the “Top” guy is lying on his back motionless and you sit astride him slowly lowering yourself onto his erection.

This gives you full control of the speed of entry and the depth of penetration. Once you have fully lowered yourself on to him wait a few minutes to get accustomed to him being inside you before trying any sort of thrusting movement. You should be the first to move up and down on his erection rather than you stay still and he move, this keeps you in control. Once you are comfortable with some thrusting movement perhaps disengage and apply more lube (to your hole as well as his cock) and then start to explore other positions.

Perhaps you could get hold of a gay sex positions guide that describes some positions with shallower depth of penetration to start with until you are more comfortable.

When buying a dildo you can buy them as a starter pack or anal beginners pack that contain 3 or 4 various sizes starting off small and working up to something that’s a more realistic size, and make sure whatever you buy has a flanged base to prevent it disappearing inside you. If you go into a shop be careful not to get carried away and buy a monster.

SGG

 

People are like snowflakes and no two are alike. There is no requirement that you bottom. Just do what you enjoy, for every pot there is a lid, so I am sure you will find some one who enjoys being your bottom.

 

Bottoming hurt so much when I first started doing it...the first five or so times were awful and I didn't like it at all. The more I got used to the feeling of having a penis inside me, the more I was able to relax and then I actually started feeling pleasure from it too. Nowadays I only ever experience some slight discomfort during penetration and it goes away pretty quickly. Needless to say I really like it, it feels awesome. I still require lots of foreplay though, so me and by boyfriend only do it like once or maybe twice a week.

The key words, like someone further up the thread said, are lube and relaxation. Use plenty of lube, relax as much as you can and be really turned on. That works for me. That being said, everyone's different and not everyone's going to like bottoming. I personally haven't tried topping but I don't think I'd prefer that over bottoming.