Sorry if this is in the wrong place and I am a little embarrassed but could do with some help! I'm a bisexual guy and in theory have no issue with this. I'm totally out with everyone and it really doesn't matter to me if I like a guy or a girl. The issue is that until recently I had only been with females and transguys - so I basically have little experience with male genitalia, and with all the cis guys I have messed around with it's never gone much further than oral sex. But it's getting to a point where I have recently met some guys who I have liked, gotten on with but when it gets anywhere close to penetrative sex I get terrified.. I have suffered from an anxiety disorder in the past and although it's a lot better part of it was an irrational feeling that I was contaminated with something and would pass this on to other people and associated thoughts of guilt etc. It manifested in a variety of ways and was really just a purely irrational thought phobia type thing but still very powerful and distressing for a number of years. Basically the idea of penetrative sex seems to be reviving this old anxiety issue in terms of irrationally high levels of worry about catching STDs, and even the prospect of it maybe happening is triggering off some of the horrible associated thought and behaviour patterns that were present when my anxiety was really bad. BUT I REALLY DON'T WANT THIS TO BE THE CASE! I hate feeling trapped by fear of possibilities and hate that I keep getting the know guys, getting on really well, feeling really comfortable and then as soon as the prospect of sex comes up freaking out and wanting to run.. I know part of it is also internalized homophobia - not necessarily me thinking it's bad but I worry that I have internalized all the rhetoric about gay sex being really unsafe.. I hope this doesn't come across as offensive.. it's just the irrational side of my brain… has anyone else experienced this sort of feeling or have any advice? Thanks in advance
Any unsafe sex is just that , unsafe ....I only had sex with girls before like a month or so ago and I never had sex without a condom . As far as dude/ dude sex I'm not all that comfortable going into details so I guess that should tell you you're not alone in the" fear" for whatever reason area of that topic. And I defo get the homophobia part of it . I think both me and him still battle that when we're not in sync if that makes sense (I also kmlw we sure the F got over some fears quickly). Probably doesn't make much sense but...I guess I'm just trying to say that with regard to butt sex , Ye, I get it. And man, you didn't offend me but I'm not sure that means anything . There's this one moderator here who's super good at explaining certain things . Maybe he'll comment . Sorry, I can't remember his name . ---------- Post added 4th Oct 2014 at 05:32 PM ---------- To mKe up for my myriad character defects .... Originally Posted by Chip View Post Hi and welcome. Trying to work through and figure out where you stand on the orientation spectrum can be pretty daunting. One of the pieces that makes things most complicated is that for most people, being gay or being straight isn't a neutral outcome; in other words, most people would prefer to be straight. That's important because it can skew our self talk and beliefs. So with that in mind, you've had sexual experiences with guys, more than once, and presumably it wasn't awful, because you experienced it with more than one person. This indicates that there's at least some connection there. So one thing to explore is what sexual arousal thinking about guys feels like for you. As in, what is it like benig sexual with a guy, what does it feel like masturbating thinking about guys... And then, what does it feel like masturbating about girls. Another piece is, when you are wandering around a mall or pool or beach, where are your eyes wandering when you aren't paying attention? Guys? Girls? Both? It's really important to look at those things first and then look at how you feel about women. Many gay men absolutely love being around women and have a million female friends but have no real interest in sex with them. If you want to talk more about what's going in, we may be able to offer more complete insights. This is the dude I meant. This topic doesn't necesaarily apply but it's an example of his advice . ---------- Post added 4th Oct 2014 at 05:33 PM ---------- To mKe up for my myriad character defects .... Originally Posted by Chip View Post Hi and welcome. Trying to work through and figure out where you stand on the orientation spectrum can be pretty daunting. One of the pieces that makes things most complicated is that for most people, being gay or being straight isn't a neutral outcome; in other words, most people would prefer to be straight. That's important because it can skew our self talk and beliefs. So with that in mind, you've had sexual experiences with guys, more than once, and presumably it wasn't awful, because you experienced it with more than one person. This indicates that there's at least some connection there. So one thing to explore is what sexual arousal thinking about guys feels like for you. As in, what is it like benig sexual with a guy, what does it feel like masturbating thinking about guys... And then, what does it feel like masturbating about girls. Another piece is, when you are wandering around a mall or pool or beach, where are your eyes wandering when you aren't paying attention? Guys? Girls? Both? It's really important to look at those things first and then look at how you feel about women. Many gay men absolutely love being around women and have a million female friends but have no real interest in sex with them. If you want to talk more about what's going in, we may be able to offer more complete insights. This is the dude I meant. This topic doesn't necesaarily apply but it's an example of his advice .
