Hi, my name is Chris and well to be honest I'm wondering why it's so difficult for me to bottom. I didn't become sexually active till i was 21 and my first time was well almost painless. I was raped a few months after and ever since I have this fear of being hurt that I've become almost obsessive about controlling what happens to my body. I've had sex after the "incident" but never enjoyed it like I used to, it's almost a relief when they ummmm are "done".....I know i suck at description and I'm sorry for that but I'm angry with myself because I've been in a relationship with a really great guy for a few years now and I feel bad about not being able to lose control and let him in.....any advice y'all can give me will be appreciated.
It is entirely understandable that you are having difficulty letting someone physically inside of you after what happened. It is completely normal. Having you gotten any help dealing with this such as therapy or a support system? Feeling safe is important for being able to relax enough for what you want. I'm sorry if I don't have any helpful advice, but I just want you to know that how you are feeling is normal. The same thing can happen to women who have been raped. Don't be angry with yourself. You're not doing anything wrong. It is a natural response to a traumatic event.
It's a terrible thing that happened to you Chris and you've done remarkably well to even get to a point where you can think about trusting another man to be intimate with you. I'm assuming you are preparing well before bottoming (using plenty of lube) and trying to relax? If so, your problem is more likely to be psychological. I'm wondering if you have had any counselling.. psychosexual counselling maybe?
I would totally suggest seeing a professional. Trauma isn't always something you can consciously "get over". You have body memories that can make it difficult to deal with certain triggers. There is a wonderful site called Pandora's Aquarium. It has a forum for people who have been sexually abused and there is a very supportive men's section. They might be able to help you with ways to relax before and during sex that might help. Do you have any desire to see a therapist in person? I would highly suggest it, because it has been very helpful to me, but if you don't feel ready yet that is okay too. Take your time with it instead of pushing yourself. *hugs*
I am so sorry that happend to you nobody deserves to be treated that way!! I would have to agree that you really need to see somebody to help you work threw this , have you talked to the man you are with and told him what happened and how you feel about it . Maybe that will help ease things a little for you I am sorry I am not much help but uf you ever need to talk I would be glad to at least listen I am here for you anytime you need
