Being a bottom

Throw out the gender roles. Even for the "woman in a traditional heterosexual relationship" cause that's tired too.

Your role, outside the bedroom, is not defined by what happens in the bedroom. I mean, sure, it can be if you want it to be. But there's no reason that you have to turn into a 50s housewife just cause some guy gives you the D anymore than a modern straight woman has to be a little submissive homemaker.

 

Roles inside the bedroom do not reflect roles outside the bedroom. That said, inside the bedroom the "roles" change based on the individuals doing the sexing not on what a bottom or a top is "supposed to be". I wouldn't sweat it. If you get in a relationship with that guy he should have no expectations of you fulfilling a "role" in the way that you are thinking. When it comes to that I would simply be very open, honest and communicate. That way you'll know what he wants from you, he'll know what you want from him, and you can start from a place of understanding instead of guessing.

 

In the first instance, I do agree that what happens in the bedroom is unrelated to what happens outside the bedroom. And I would go even further and I would argue that even in the bedroom, "Topping" vs "bottoming" are actually mutually exclusive to "Dominate" and "Submissive". There are dominate bottoms, there are submissive tops; just as the other way around. Ever hear the phrase "Power bottom"? This is a good reflection of such a scenario.

 

I'm usually bottom and prefer to be sexually submissive but I'm definitely not submissive in general. I wouldn't call myself dominant either. I prefer to avoid labeling myself as either.

 

When it comes to LGBT sex it is important to get away from notions of male/female, dominant/submissive, or, as I've heard in French circles, the notion of "actif/passif" (active/passive).

There are bottoms who really know what it takes to please their top partners, and vice versa (so to speak). Such bottoms are quite active in that "role" and know just what position to take that maximizes mutual pleasure, it is far from a passive or submissive role, despite appearances...

I recall one such experience, where the guy I was with affirmed that he was "the guy" despite the fact we were both versatile...I thus immediately proceeded to ask him that if he was "the guy" then what the hell was that thing between my legs?...Funnily enough he was the only one of us who was into show tunes...

 

I want to be a bottom, i just dont know how to do it

 

I tend to bottom more often than top in my relationship, but I wouldn't say either of us is more female, and there's really not a dom/sub thing going on at all.

 

Pretty bluntly:
Top: I will f**k you
Bottom: I will be get f**cked.

Rest is other tell tales... speaking from personal experience here. Being bottom doesn't mean you have to play the role of a woman(whatever that role is or what do they expecting from you I am not really sure), do anything womanlike(some guys have that weird idea that gay guys like to wear woman clothes or woman underwear) or be submissive to someone.

Be yourself. I never had a chance to be top but that never meant I let someone rule bedroom. I called the shots, I lead and I decided what I liked. I am sure people have a name/label for this as well but I don't know it.

Never feel you have to do something you are not comfortable with because you are in relationship with somebody or they are having sex with you. Relationships are two way roads, if you turn that into one way road you will get hurt or will hurt someone. That always leaves long lasting scars.