Hooking up and Anal Sex for both Gay and Straight/Bi people

About the guy-guy situation. I've never randomly hooked up with a guy, so this is not based on personal experience.

First of all, I don't think it's true that hookups always, or even mostly, involve anal sex. If it's your first date, or first sexual experience with someone new, or if one of the two is very sexually inexperienced, it's perfectly normal not to jump to penetrative sex right away. A hookup with only oral is not any less valid than any other kind of hookup.

That being said, on to your next question: how do you decide "who does what?" That's pretty simple: you ask. When you're hooking up with someone, it's completely normal to ask each other what you're into. Or, alternatively, you just go with the flow and let things happen naturally. I'm pretty sure after a while you'll get a feel of what the other person likes to do.

Next one: how do you prepare. You don't. Obviously when you randomly and unexpectedly hook up, there's no way you could have prepared for it. The good news is, you don't necessarily have to! Even though I've never randomly hooked up with another guy, I have had multiple unplanned sex sessions with my ex boyfriend that neither of us prepared for. I assume you're asking this with regards to bottoming...; usually there won't be any need to really prepare. You can't make sure it'll all be completely clean, but this is anal sex we're talking about - it's not supposed to be completely clean.

About bringing up STIs/HIV, I personally don't bring it up, and I just assume anyone can have anything, but I know there are plenty of people who do bring it up. If I were to bring it up, I'd probably do it when I felt like we were moving towards anal, but bringing it up at any other moment would be perfectly fine too. Maybe other people can give you advice about that.

Maybe the same scenario with a man and a woman would be a little easier, yes. A man and a woman are naturally sexually compatable (well, on the most basic level, that is), and it's probably a little less messy than anal sex would be. However, I don't think there's a difference in the way you approach STI/HIV concerns when you hook up. There's no way to "make sure everything is okay." People may lie, test results may be inaccurate. You should always play safe when you hook up. But that's definitely just as important for sex between a guy and a girl. I've had a few hookups with girls, but not once unprotected. You should protect yourself regardless of gender/sex.

 

Actually, this is not obvious at all. There are a lot of options available for sexual/intimate contact beyond oral and anal. There's mutual masturbation (or just masturbating in each others presence), frottage (rubbing the genitals together), kissing, and what is generally termed 'body contact' (pressing the whole body together, running hands across each others bodies, through body hair, etc.) as well as fingering of the anus and prostate. Oh, and rimming.

Even in situations where anal is engaged in, neither partner needs to take a single role for the entire time. One may top and the other bottom for a while and then they may switch roles. Wash/rinse/repeat as desired.

If neither of you is 'prepared' to engage in anal at the time, then just do some or all of the other stuff I mentioned above and plan to get together for anal later. You can have a perfectly enjoyable time with not a bit of penetration taking place. Or, if you're both just really wanting to do anal, accept that you will first need to take some time to prepare.

Realistically, neither you nor the other person can actually know for certain that the other is STD free. Even if you/they say you are clean, one of you may be lying or may not know that you have something. This is why you always have condoms available and you will need to make a judgement call about the degree of risk and risky behavior you are willing to accept.

You can choose to volunteer that you've been tested and the result came back clean, even show them the paper with the results. But all that does is show the results of the last test. It says nothing about what either of you have been doing since the test was taken.

Wrong actually. STDs don't care about your gender or orientation. Straight people have been getting STDs for as long as there have been people, so much so that characters getting treated for one or another is a common trope in literature and film, even to the point of being treated with humor. And TV commercials try to sell you treatments for STDs on prime time television.

On top of STDs, straight people also have to worry about pregnancy - which we don't have to concern ourselves with.

Worst case scenario - Two guys who've just had a heavy meal within the last few hours probably shouldn't engage in anal since things can potentially get...messy. But, as mentioned above, there are lots of other options (many of them very pleasurable options) to play with besides anal.

We have no more or no less to stress and worry about. We just get more publicity and attention paid to our issues, both in and out of the community. Straight people can get HIV/AIDS all the time along with other nasty things - but they mostly don't make as public a deal about it as we do. The LGBT community has a major segment that focuses its time, attention, and voice on building awareness and making a lot of noise about the issue. Straights don't do this, but the issue is still there for them.

As far as issues of 'validity' are concerned...Existence has no meaning or purpose or value or beyond what you choose to give it. That includes whether or not something is 'valid' or not. So, the idea that gay sex is somehow less 'valid' than straight sex has no basis except as a made up figment of your imagination that you are torturing yourself with. One might as well argue that sex between two people of the same race is more 'valid' than inter-racial sex. Or that sex with the intent to reproduce is more 'valid' than sex done for pleasure. Or that chocolate chip cookies are more 'valid' than oatmeal raisin. Ultimately, all attempts to apply the concept of 'validity' to this sort of thing are doing is trying to lend metaphysical weight to something that is, ultimately, nothing more than a matter of taste.

This is a statement of opinion and personal taste, not a statement of physical fact. You may feel this way about oral and anal sex. Other people will feel differently. What you are saying here is functionally no different than saying that chocolate chip cookies are always better than oatmeal cookies.

Life is not fair, life just is. As mentioned above, penetration is just one of many options. The idea that it is somehow objectively 'better' than the other options is just heteronormative cultural brainwashing. If you personally, like penetration more than anything else, that's fine, you're entitled to your personal tastes. But, based on your own admission of inexperience I've got to wonder what your basis for comparison is and how much your view is shaped by actual and multiple physical experiences vs what you feel you 'should' want because society tells you you should.

My 2c worth,

Todd

 

It's just life, I'm afraid. An active gay sex life can be difficult to enjoy. HIV runs rampant in the gay community for various reasons: promiscuity, lack of education on the subject, thrill-seeking etc.
I was talking with a straight male friend (I'm a gay male) and he said he was very relieved HIV was something he did not have to worry about "as much." While I'm aware this is a naive approach to take, there is some truth in it. Not only are HIV rates substantially lower in heterosexuals, the virus is also more difficult to transmit through vaginal sex because of natural lubrication.
Hooking up is fine. It's not for everyone, but that tends to be an emotional aspect that I need not go into. If you want to hook up, then go for it. You have the right to a healthy sex life. Just use a condom - it's that simple. You should be doing it anyway, HIV is not the only STI out there. It is unrealistic to have to ask a brief sexual partner their entire sexual history every time. Most hook ups are about the fleeting passionate moment where love is found just for the night! Start asking about sexual history and you're sure to kill the mood.

 

I don't get why people randomly hook up knowing all the STDS out there .