When I was 5 my dad started beating me, that's when I also noticed my mum drinking a lot to, he left two years ago and my mums drinking got.worse, for the last year I started cutting myself and after having panic attacks my anxiety has increased , I feel worthless and like I will never find someone and I'm scared about the future, I feel like I'm not worth anything or anyone, I know I'm only 14 but I am scared of everything
You're young and scared, and you have every right to be. No one should be in your situation. No one deserves such cruelty. But only by living can you have any hope of experiencing joy in your life. Don't deny yourself the wonderful experiences of happiness, joy, and love. Don't let the situation your currently live in and the people who force it upon you deny yourself those experiences either. It might be a long hard road out of hell, but believe me when I say that it is worth it very, very much.
Of course you should go on living (*hug*) You are worth a whole lot! An ineffable amount! And you deserve all the love and happiness in the world. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here is a picture that I love that I think says a lot: Spoiler Out of the Woods - DestinyBlue
I'm sure, actually, I know, that all of us gets beaten down from everything happening around us and (more importantly) to us. I've learned that sometimes it seems like it's too much, too much pain, suffering, hate. But I've also learned that the opposite of all that negativity is also present, it's around you and sometimes you just have to open your eyes. And if it's not around you, it will be, maybe in a few months, weeks, days, and maybe in the next hour. I also learned that you have to have loving people around you: to fill the gap in you that your parents couldn't fill. You just need to keep looking for them, but also be patient. Heck, those people could be the people of the EC community. Sometimes, you just need to look =)
Jesse333, I am so sorry that you were treated this way nobody and I mean nobody deserves that !! I do not care what they have done that is wrong! I know that you are young and scared to death I don't know what I would do I if was in your shoes, however I can tell you this .I have tried to kill my self not once not twice but 4 different times and the last time I woke up in the hospital tied to a bed ! I now see and understand what I was doing was a selfish and cowards way out of a bad situation . No I am not saying that you are a selfish person or a coward .I am just saying that you are a strong and beautiful young woman and the world needs you . I know that you will find you soul mate some day you just have to be patient and one day it happen . good luck and have a great day
If your school has a counsellor, go to them and ask about options. You'd be very surprised. A lot of people worry about things like Child Protective Services, but honestly you have a lot of resources, like counselling, social housing, all sorts of things. Ask your counselor about social housing if you don't want to live with your mother, and the process involved (perhaps papers can be mailed to the school for you, so parents don't see them, or you can live in a shelter briefly). I went through abuse growing up too, and the opportunity for a better life is available. The hardest thing was truly believing that I had the power to end it, because it was difficult and hard, and my entire life dramatically changed. But it was a good change . ---------- Post added 19th Nov 2014 at 11:14 PM ---------- Message me if you ever want to talk
I've asked myself the same question many times... and truth be told, I still do. You've suffered a lot bro, and at your age it's completely normal to question your place in this world. You've been shown the dark side of humanity, but when you see the light, you'll realize that there's more to discover. Discover what, exactly? You live each and everyday to find out.
