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Feeling anxious when having anal sex with a guy I really like

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Carl32, Nov 23, 2014.

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  1. Carl32

    Carl32
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    Hi Everyone,

    For the past few months I've been seeing a guy I really like. We are not officially going out yet but I would like him as a boyfriend. I love kissing him, oral sex, nipple play etc. However, unfortunately when I have had anal sex with him it hasn't gone too well. We've just had anal sex on a few occasions - he topped me but after around 10 minutes I found it quite painful and totally lost my erection.

    Recently I tried to top him but it was a disaster. As soon as I put the condom on and was about to insert my penis into his anus, I lost my erection. I tried for a few minutes to get it back but after I was hard again and tried to go inside him, my penis became soft yet again.

    I gave up and we just continued with nipple play and mutual masturbation. I felt really embarrassed. I don't have any problems with erections during oral sex and masturbation but with anal sex with him, it's like a psychological problem because I really like him. Prior to meeting him, I topped a few guys during casual sex and did not have this issue. I only tried to top him on one occasion but of course I will be nervous the next time and thinking the worst.

    I really like him and hope this doesn't put him off me as he told me that he really likes me too. :icon_sad:
    But of course good sex is very important in a relationship.

    Has anyone else had similar problems or if anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

    Thanks!
     
    #1 Carl32, Nov 23, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2014
  2. HeidiJones1994

    HeidiJones1994
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    Don't worry about it, i am sure you will be fine, while you are doing it with him think of all the things that turn you on (it helps if it's about him) and i'm sure it'll be fine, good luck, hope it goes ok xxx
     
    #2 HeidiJones1994, Nov 23, 2014
  3. The Virgo

    The Virgo
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    Relax, talk it out with him and try taking your time in trying anal. Remember just relax and breath
     
    #3 The Virgo, Nov 23, 2014
  4. I am Kakashi

    I am Kakashi
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    Performance anxiety can happen to anyone, at any time. Since it's a guy you care about, and not a fling, you probably care about him and your sex with him more than someone who is casual. And also, most guys receiving anal do not keep this rock-hard erection the whole time! That is a lie porn has propogated and is bs! But if it becomes painful, re-apply lube. Lube, lube and MORE LUBE. You literally cannot have too much! Also trying different positions as well.
     
    #4 I am Kakashi, Nov 23, 2014
  5. Carl32

    Carl32
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    Thanks for the replies!

    Yes, I think a big part of the problem is because I really like which is ironically making me anxious when having anal sex with him.

    Last time he topped me, we used a lot of lube but this caused him to keep on slipping out. I find that if I reapply lube, it can have a stinging sensation. I also like to think that I'm clean inside but it's not always possible to know!

    Anyway, at least the kissing and oral sex is going well which is very important to me. Hopefully things will also get better anally.
     
    #5 Carl32, Nov 24, 2014
  6. Marigoman25

    Marigoman25
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    try and try again that was the advice given to me
     
    #6 Marigoman25, Nov 27, 2014
  7. Carl32

    Carl32
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    Did things work out for you after you tried again?
     
    #7 Carl32, Dec 1, 2014
  8. iiimee

    iiimee
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    The fact he gave you that advice means yes I think.
     
    #8 iiimee, Dec 1, 2014
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