I take probably 20-30 minutes of clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and there have been multiple times DURING sex when my SO has said something along the lines "what's wrong with you?" because I'm taking "so long" to get off. I feel like that amount of time is normal but it has made me feel inadequate and I feel pressured during sex to orgasm as quick as possible (because she does within a few minutes). It leaves me feeling like once she gets off she's not really interested anymore and almost seems relieved once I "finally" get off. I'm not sure how to handle the situation because it's really hurting my feelings and I feel like it might negatively impact our sex life. Any suggestions?
I have the same problem because of my meds. My bf understands that it's a side effect of my meds and would rather have me mentally stable and take forever to finish than the opposite.
have you told her what youve told us that you feel pressured into trying to get it over with as quick as possible? if not that a starting point. you shouldnt feel like that, sex is to be enjoyed no matter how long it takes one person, another person could be a lot longer, another a lot shoter. we are all different. dont feel bad at all. i think the time you take is normal. maybe you could try to start thigns off then should could help out neaer the end. trying not to be too graphic here. maybe that might be something you could try. or maybe you could tease her and try to delay her for as long as possible. perhaps. but if nothing else deffo tell her how you feel.
I'd say just relax... people are different, you might try different things you like... you might really communicate about this, tell your feelings and openly exchange what you like... also when you are together... providing some feedback what you like... you might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-physical-sexual-health/152336-girls-what-do-you-like.html and here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...mostly-only-masturbation-gets-me-there.html#3
I have not told her that it makes me feel pressured, because I don't want to ruin the moment any more than she already has so I usually just try to blow it off :/ I have however told her what gets me there quicker, but it doesn't seem like she really cares once she gets off. She just kind of half-heartedly does it (I can tell she's not as into it at that point) which makes it take even longer.
Well if she does not like oral so much she might try with fingers... you might tell her you really appreciate her efforts... maybe you can change her mind, it seems she likes to get off fast... almost like finishing it... you seem to enjoy more... maybe she could be convinced its more joy taking your time... you could play around with feathers, for example...
Are you sure you are reading her correctly? I am a pleaser. When I am with someone, I want to make sure they are enjoying themselves. If someone takes a long time to orgasm, it puts me in almost a depressed state of mine. I feel like I wasn't good enough. I am working through this problem currently with my boyfriend. It takes him hours to orgasm; and I try every trick, everything I know he likes. And sometimes he can't even get there. And when he does he takes forever. But I always show happiness whenever he does get off. We try not to focus on orgasm though and just try to enjoy sex. Oh and I have been with women who last slightly long. I do not personally. I never got upset by that though. Same with women, I want to please them and to know I am pleasing them. But 30 min of trying to get someone off might begin to feel like work. But it's ok that it takes you longer; everyone is different. I always mix things up. I go back and forth from using my mouth to fingers to toys. That way it keeps things exciting for both partners. And it keeps me from getting a sore jaw, or lack of oxygen, or tired fingers, Etc. Also idk if you are into it but scissoring seems very effective for me to accomplish clit stimulation. The goal is for both of you to be satisfied. But, not during sex, but some other time, talk to her about how you feel and listen to what she has to say and work together towards a solution. Best of luck!
I would really say tha you should talk to her and tell her how you feel about this. Maybe she just doesnt understand? I know I personally can orgasm quickly but when I first got with my girlfriemd I learned that she didnt. She can take anywhere from 15-45 minutes. At first I always felt worried about not being able to get her off, or like I was doing something wrong, so I talked to her. It helped me learn about what to do to better please her and also boosted by self-confidence. Since then Ive learned not to focus on just reaching climax but to make the best out of the whole thing. Maybe she just needs to not put so much emphasis on "getting there", its not a race afterall. I hope things go well and good luck, feel free to message me
I'd say it already has. her putting you in position that you need to ask for advice even after discussing this with her is unfair to you. obviously I can't answer this from a woman's p.o.v., but her complaining that you "take too long" is a reflection on her as well. if she isn't getting you there quickly and loses interest after getting off herself, that sounds selfish to me. achieving orgasm shouldn't be a race, and isn't even required to enjoy sex.
I'm not sure why but this makes me a little bit mad. Sounds like she always get pleasured first and you're an afterthought. I hope this isn't true. Maybe to even it out a bit, make a game of it. Write down some things each of you would like to try or have done on slips of paper. Next time, pull one paper from a hat and give it a go. EACH of you get a turn. And sometimes maybe it's only about one of you. You.
Thats kind of what I was thinking too. If so that needs to change because sex is supposed to be something shared between people and she needs to want to put you first and want to make you feel good. Its messed up that she seems to only care about her own orgasms and not whether youre having a good time. Maaybe you should bring it up with her?
OMG... how awful for you. My personal view is if she really loves you she should just enjoy your sexlife, the more anxious she makes you by hurrying things up the worse it will become, that should be down to her to change her ways not you, so what if it takes you hanf an hour... just think of the fun you can have leading up to it. I love nothing more than long slow passionate sex that makes me climax slowly... I honestly think she needs to consider you more and help you relax, that way you would probably end up coming quicker as you would be more relaxed.
