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Sex with girlfriend is... I can't even find a word for it?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by cookiedough, Dec 8, 2014.

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  1. cookiedough

    cookiedough
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    Okay so me and this girl I'm not even gonna take the time to dissect our realtionship here that's for another thread basically we were together for two years and we broke up and now we're kinda on the verge of reuniting, but here's the thing that's holding me back. Well, one of a few things, but it's really important to me.

    Sex is really important to me, I love masturbating and I love being close with someone I like. We were really immature when we first got together and there was multiple situations where she would be giving me oral sex and would get "too tired" and stop, and one time she persuaded me to 69 but then suddenly got really turned off after a couple minutes and told me I could "just masturbate" and she went to sleep, and then another time where she pressured me into doing this thing that I really really did not want to do, but I did it because she wanted me to, and she didn't like it and she got reallly turned off and I was just upset because like, god, I didn't wanna do that in the first place and now I feel nasty because she didn't like it? She made me feel like I didn't taste right or that making me orgasm was a chore (she never did... two years and the only times I orgasmed by her hands were fake) and yeah so yeah

    She's way different now (like more positive... she wouldn't say mean stuff or do any of that now) but she does not know how to touch women. When she rubs me it literally feels like nothing. She does things with her tongue when she does oral that I do not like and I don't think it feels good.

    This is the first time i've ever really put any of this out there. the things she does does not feel good and I want to know how i can tell her to either A. do it right or B. find a way to tell her that I'm just not interested in her providing for me sexually.

    I really do adore her as a person and we have so much fun hanging out but I just can't have sex with her when she doesn't know what the heck she's doing.
     
    #1 cookiedough, Dec 8, 2014
  2. Aspen

    Aspen
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    You need to talk to her. Communication in a relationship, and sex in particular, is essential. Tell her when she's doing something that you don't like, and alternatively when she's doing something that you do so that she can do it more often. You could say something like "That's not really doing it for me, how about this?" or demonstrate what you like.
     
    #2 Aspen, Dec 9, 2014
  3. Melanie

    Melanie Guest

    it could be that youre just fundamentally incompatible in this way.

    She may not think shes doing anything wrong when shes vocal about things she doesnt like. Just tell her it bugs you when she does that and see how she reacts. If she gets defensive, that would be a HUGE red flag to me.

    Its so difficult to give advice on such matters with limited information. At this point it doesnt seem like you have much to lose in telling her in a kind manner how some of the things that she does hurt you.

    I honestly dont recall ever having bad oral sex... unless the duration was too short :wink:
     
    #3 Melanie, Dec 9, 2014
  4. MissMook

    MissMook
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    I really do think you need to talk to your lover. I'm not going into details, but I've had my fair share of troublesome sexual experiences. Most of these problems were rectified with basic conversation. There are still a few problems we can't really get through still, but just being aware of it and still communicating about it puts us both at ease.

    Best of luck to you and your spouse. ^___^
     
    #4 MissMook, Dec 9, 2014
  5. jay777

    jay777
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    #5 jay777, Dec 9, 2014
  6. scouse

    scouse
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    Yah if you want to give this a go then you gotta talk. Sometimes things come naturally (pun definitely intended ha) sometimes they dont and people need a little direction. Nothing wrong in that, its all part of exploring. Just be encouraging, emphasise what you DO like, not what you dont, so as not to knock her confidence, and see if it helps. Good luck x
     
    #6 scouse, Dec 15, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2014
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