I'm a guy and I'm 17. I've been speaking to a girl for about 3 months and for the past month or so, we've been speaking on a 'relationship' type level. We are taking things slow (or should I say I am) as I don't want to rush into things but it's pretty much obvious that things will evolve into a relationship at some point. She's been to my house once before to meet my dad and sister, and it all went well, so she is visiting again this weekend but instead she is staying the night. I should say firstly that both our parent give consent and we are allowed to sleep in the same bed. She's made so many hints that she's had the urge to have sex recently by saying it's been a long time, not to mention bringing up where she did it and such with ex's (which p*sses me off to have to listen to). Don't get me wrong, I'm ready for it, however I have severe anxiety and I hate my body; not to mention I am a lot larger than her ex boyfriends. I get worried that by her seeing my body will make her never want to see me again or sleep in the same bed as me. And there's also this fear of 'not being good enough' because I am a virgin whereas she isn't - meaning she knows what she wants but I don't know how the 'performance' will go. All I am scared about is the 'first time' aspect as I hear it isn't 'all that', as well as if I will be good or not and whether or not she will stop talking to me solely because of my body. As well as that I had a whole questioning on my sexuality but I've pretty much figured it out, and since talking to her I don't even LOOK at guys anymore, never mind find them attractive - so I worry that because I used to masturbate to them because I never felt as good as they did with their body, may affect my ability to become erect? (However I have no issue with masturbating to the thought of sex with her, or just her in general). She has said she likes me for who I am, but people tend to say that to be comforting...right? This isn't to say anything IS going to happen, but judging by the way she's been recently and the fact we have an empty house for a good few hours makes me think she's after something. Please help, it would be really appreciated.
I get that. I've always been nervous and will continue to be I suppose. Accepting your own body when you weren't born with the nicest one or simply lack the self confidence to get in shape is difficult to nigh on impossible. In fact it becomes something of a nagging fear and mild obsession. The idea of "not being good enough" is extremely hard to get rid of. Especially when you feel that you really will never be quite good enough. I almost feel like being gay is different, if not harder, because you are almost expected to be hot or into fitness or fashion, etc. But I think that you should just take it a little slower if you feel uncomfortable. It seems like she is perfect because she appreciates who you are right now
I'm with bubblemonger, it is difficult to get past your own insecurities. My advice (being much older) is to have a sense of humor. Saying the first time isn't all that isn't truly fair. It's awkward and sometimes clumsy. But ultimately, like anything, getting good takes practice. If she is aware this is your first time, more than likely she'll understand. Take it slow and talk it through with her. Laugh when you goof, and enjoy your time together.
Thanks for this guys. I guess I'll just go with the flow. She knows I am a virgin so I reckon she'll know that it may not be 'all that'. If it happens it happens, either way I'm sure there'll be aspects I can enjoy and should anything go wrong I reckon we can just laugh it off. :lol:
I think if she wants to do something with you, she likes you for you. BUT if you're a virgin, I wouldn't recommend having sex the first chance you get. Maybe just start with like making out, touching, maybe oral instead of going straight for sex. If you want to take it slow, then definitely take it slow. And if yall end up having sex, it'd be something yall are ready for and not rushing into.
I mostly agree with this, but I would leave anything sexual to just hands when you're first starting out. Both oral sex and penetrative sex are pretty much equals in regards to emotions and diseases so it depends on the preference of the people to which is a bigger deal (I know a few people who had penetrative sex on the first date and could emotionally handle it, but weren't 'ready' for oral sex unless they were committed because of the level of intimacy they associated it with). So I would go slow with kissing and touching, and do it whenever you're ready. But remember it's usually hyped up and sex (of any kind) is not really all that big of a deal as people make it out to be the first time.
