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How do I know if I have HOCD?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by EpicConfusion, Dec 12, 2014.

  1. EpicConfusion

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    I was reading this thread, and I share a lot of the same feelings as the poster. My comment on it should explain exactly which parts I relate to. Feel free to ask me questions if you need any clarification or deeper insight on my personal situation. I worry a lot that I'm pretending to be gay and that I'm actually straight. Please help me understand if this is true or not.
     
  2. stocking

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    Wait what makes you think you're pretending to be gay I'm just asking ?:confused:
    and what similar things do you share with the HOCD thread .
     
    #2 stocking, Dec 12, 2014
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  3. EpicConfusion

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    Oh sorry I forgot to post the link. Here-http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/161695-am-i-pretending-gay-i-straight-all-along-2.html
     
  4. stocking

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    Thank you
    Are you attracted to women at all or know .
    If it's similar to that poster maybe you're just worrying about being straight too much to the point where you think you will change .
     
    #4 stocking, Dec 12, 2014
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  5. womaninamber

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    I'm not a mental health professional so I hesitate to give anyone advice. I'm just a person with OCD (but not HOCD as such, or at least nothing that sounds much like descriptions I've read.)

    But if you're like the poster in the thread and you keep wondering if you're straight even though you have no reason to believe it's actually the case it's not impossible that there is some kind of obsessive thinking going on. And if it's really interfering in your life a professional might be able to help.
     
  6. Litveninko

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    I worry a lot that I'm pretending to be gay and that I'm actually straight. .[/QUOTE]
    meh. I feel the same though, but I don't feel like having HOCD. Did you have that feeling when you read the post or before it?
     
  7. stocking

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    Maybe you aren't comfortable being gay yet , I use to feel like that when I realized I'm lesbian . I use to think Oh I'm faking and i'll turn straight .
     
  8. Damien

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    When I 'worry' that I might 'actually just be a straight guy experimenting with gay sexual feelings etc' I say to myself, "ok, then ask a woman out, then." Because truly it would not be that hard to do, if I really had the desire. But I can't seem to be bothered...I am still attracted to women, but all I've wanted since realizing I'm Bi, is a boyfriend...but I just keep the door open, I don't label myself, and know that I'm free to date anyone I like, male or female. But when I go out somewhere, I dress in a sort of 'androgynous style' that shows of my slender, not-muscly body, I find myself checking out guys I like, I fantasize, and if I feel it's safe to do so, even subtly flirt with the occasional guy...yeah I guess this might all be a phase but what if the phase lasts for the next forty years lol. Anyway I reckon those who think they might actually be straight ought to just take the initiative and find a woman they like, and see how that goes. There is only so much that pondering this can achieve.
     
  9. Sepulse

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    Have you had any other obsessions? It's possible for people to just be extremely confused, but not have HOCD. I started to suspect I had HOCD when my thoughts started getting very reptitive and I had intrusive thoughts about being into incest. I suspected even more when I remembered similar obsessions in the past that weren't related to my sexuality.
     
  10. Chip

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    Everyone please, please, please, please stop using the term HOCD. It is a disorder that does not exist.

    The question to ask here is do you have OCD, because that does exist.

    OCD is characterized by intrusive, uncontrollable obsessive thoughts, compulsive, uncontrollable behaviors, or both. People with OCD almost without exception find it affecting multiple aspects of their lives. In other words, the obsessive thoughts are not solely about whether one is gay or straight. That might be a primary obsession, but there are nearly always other obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors that go along with it.

    So, very simply... if the fear of being gay is something that is constant, obsessive, intrusive, and irrational (meaning, you can't logically look at it and dismiss the thoughts or concerns) AND you have other equally constant, obsessive, intrusive, and irrational thoughts on other subjects unrelated to your sexual orientation... then you have OCD.

    If your concern is only about whether or not you're gay, and you don't have the other pieces of the OCD puzzle... then you do not have OCD (and, again, not HOCD, since HOCD doesn't exist any more than "locking doors OCD" or "stepping on sidewalk cracks OCD" or "flipping on light switches OCD"

    If you can clarify, we can probably give you clearer insight as to what your next steps might be.
     
  11. EpicConfusion

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    Well I do have some attraction to girls, but it's to the way their bodies look. I don't think I woul ever want to have sex with a girl, but I'm not 100% sure. I've been fantasizing about men almost nonstop. Most of my confusion is directed at porn use. I know it's not a good indicator of sexuality, but if I'm gay then why do women in porn turn me on? In real life I can think girls are really attractive, but not in an I want to have sex with them way. With guys I think they are attractive, but it's in a different way.

    It's possible I might have OCD. I've thought about it for a while now. I have a lot of weird habits. I compulsively make weird noises all the time, I'm obsessive about not getting things on my hands, and I have a really bizzare thing where I can't touch pictures of bugs like ants or spiders or stuff like that because it makes my skin crawl and feel like they're about to crawl on me. I sound like such a weirdo... Maybe it's not OCD and it's some other mental disorder.

    I'm pretty much obsessed with not wanting to be straight. I had always wanted to be gay ever since I was a kid and I knew what it was. I don't know why. But I always assumed I would've known my whole life if I was. Once I started to have homosexual feelings I decided I was gay because I never thought about girls anymore. I really don't find the idea of being bisexual appealing either, to the point that if I really am, I almost don't want to admit it. I don't want any feeling whatsoever towards girls in a romantic or sexual way. I really can't explain why, but I just have a really strong urge to be with a man. Maybe I'm actually gay like I've already know and I'm overthinking this whole thing and getting confused. It's probably part of the denial process where I'm trying to make myself think I'm straight when I'm clearly not. I just have no idea anymore.

    ---------- Post added 13th Dec 2014 at 04:13 AM ----------

    And I do have uncontrollable thoughts a lot. Like whenever I'm driving I always think "What would happen if I swerved into oncoming traffic right now?" And sometimes I have really disgusting sexual thoughts about people I find utterly repulsive and ugly. It's pretty scary to have thoughts like that because in the case of driving, I'm afraid I might actually do it someday. Most of the time I do a pretty good job ignoring them though.

    ---------- Post added 13th Dec 2014 at 04:14 AM ----------

    And I do have uncontrollable thoughts a lot. Like whenever I'm driving I always think "What would happen if I swerved into oncoming traffic right now?" And sometimes I have really disgusting sexual thoughts about people I find utterly repulsive and ugly. It's pretty scary to have thoughts like that because in the case of driving, I'm afraid I might actually do it someday. Most of the time I do a pretty good job ignoring them though.
     
  12. Chip

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    What happens when you masturbate without porn? If you just let your mind wander, what fantasies come up? Are you more likely to think about guys or girls? That's ultimately the best and most accurate predictor we have of sexual orientation.

    For most of us, when we consider the possibility of being other than straight, it's terrifying. So our unconscious and conscious mind plays all sorts of games... rationalization, justification, and tricking us in various ways. Many (perhaps most) gay men, when they were coming out, said things like "Well, I see the beauty in the female body, but I like sex with guys." And the truth is, almost *any* gay man can recognize attractiveness or beauty in a female. But the difference is... a gay man won't have the slightest interest in having sex with a female... but he will have interest in some sort of sexual activity with a guy. Now... he may be simultaneously attracted and revulsed, and that's where the conscious and unconscious are playing tricks on us. But a straight guy simply isn't going to be attracted to another guy, or find any sexual arousal from him.
     
  13. Runner5

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    Right, first off you need to talk to your doctor to know for sure if you have OCD.

    Second, if you do have OCD, you need to ask yourself, do you enjoy both men and women? For a while I was able to convince myself that any gay thoughts I was having was just obessesive thoughts, but eventually I accepted that I was just a Bisexual person who also had OCD.
     
  14. EpicConfusion

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    I don't fantasize very often, I usually just think about what I'm doing. Usually it's about men when I do. I have fantasized about a guy I went on a date with a while ago. That's the only recent thing I can remember.

    That's exactly how I feel! Simultaneously attracted and repulsed. Women's bodies are gorgeous, but I don't really think I would want to have sex with a girl. I'm disgusted by the thought of it actually. Since gay sex is pretty much all I think about, and I don't think about having straight sex I guess it's just my mind trying to deny what I already know.
     
  15. stocking

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    seems like a lot of people are getting OCD from porn, this happened like the 5th time this month on this forum :confused:
     
  16. Chip

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    OCD does not come from watching porn. It's a byproduct of a dysfunction of neurotransmitter pathways in the brain that likely originated very early in life. These are the same pathway dysfunctions that put one at risk for addiction and certain diseases.

    That said, the neurotransmitter deficit can put someone at greater risk for addiction to porn (or sex, or masturbation, or drugs), and it is a similar pathway dysfunction that gives rise to OCD, so there is a correlation between porn use and OCD, but there's no causative factor.

    In the OP's case, I think, based on his description, it is more likely that he is gay and having difficulty accepting that. The anxiety of realizing one is gay, and the normal stages of loss in processing that (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) can cause anxiety and similar thought patterns that bear some mild similarities to OCD, but they are actually wildly different.
     
  17. EpicConfusion

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    I do have an addictive personality, so that predisposition thing would make sense. I easily get addicted to things like videogames and porn. I know my dad has had a very tough time with porn addiction, so it probably has some genetic factor. Both of my grandfathers were alcoholics too so there's another reason I become easily addicted to stuff.

    Thanks for the help guys :slight_smile: I really appreciate it. I'll just keepworking through this, and maybe I'll try and lay off the porn so I don't cause myself extra stress and confusion.
     
  18. kindy14

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    That sounds like me a few years ago. Medication has helped with those urges. Also, you have to realize there are a lot of "uncontrollable thoughts" that occur in your brain. My loudest voice for a long time was the inner critic, or my Drill Sargent from hell as I call him. You can't control the thoughts so much as not acting on them, or just telling the voice to STFU.

    I haven't read up on your history yet. Sounds like your family is pretty cool with your path. I'd tell your dad exactly that you love him, trust him, but don't understand him. You sound like you are pretty young, don't put so much pressure on yourself to figure it all out.

    When the spark happens between you and another, regardless of their physicality, you will know if it's right or not for you. Just let life happen, and stop over thinking it.

    It's like several of the lyrics from that one Kongos song, "Come With Me Now."

    This so describes my life.
     
  19. EpicConfusion

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    Thanks :slight_smile: I think I have already felt that "spark" once before with my first same-sex crush. It just felt so perfect and natural. I already know who I am but I just have to stop worrying so much and learn to accept it.
     
  20. Chip

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    You might want to get a copy of Gabor Maté's "In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts." It describes in both clinical detail and with stories how the neurotransmitter pathway failures put us at risk for these various things (addiction, compulsive behavior, anxiety, etc.) The first third of it is a difficult read because it talks a lot about people with chronic addiction and little hope of recovery, but it's worth getting through because the rest gives a really deep understanding of the issues and how they affect us.