I'm a 20 year old gay male. Aside from about two hookups, I've never had any other sexual ventures. Primarily because at the time I was ready to begin my crazy early 20's sexual escapades, health issues stopped me abruptly. At the beginning of the summer, I injured myself and gave myself an anal fissure. Visited many doctors and it eventually healed, but slight pain and the fear of it re-tearing are always on my mind. It really sucks thinking that I may never be able to return to my old self. It was even more devastating because at the time I considered myself a complete bottom. I've never actual had anal (other than receiving a rimjob), but mentally I just am more comfortable with being passive and get turned on by the thought of bottoming. Since then, I've tried to just condition myself to be a top...because I don't know if I'll ever be able to bottom again. Once I found out it had healed though, I wasn't completely elated, because another underlying health issue started to rear it's horns. Right now, I'm suffering from chronic nonbacterial prostatitis, which is a form of a prostate infection that has no definite cure or treatment...just what I needed. It's almost as if the universe is telling me to be celibate, because prostatitis doesn't just bring on anal/rectal pain, but pain all over the pelvis (including my d*ck and scrotum). I'm looking up treatments and remedies (right now I'm focusing on a gluten free diet), but it's so hard to stay strong and maintain an extreme amount of patience. All of my friends are hooking up 24/7, and I feel isolated. Really I just needed to vent, and I'm going to talk to my doctor about antidepressants because this past year has been absolutely devastating, and it's hard to look forward to a New Year.
Things will get better eventually. You might use this opportunity to do other things... what have you always wanted to do ? A hobby, reading... You might daydream a bit, not excessively, but think about what you really would like to do... (*hug*)
Well that sucks! I think that you should probably focus your attention on a more serious relationship where your partner will understand you problem and be positive and gentle with you. It might also be a chance to discover your self a bit more and try other things in "bed", you might like something else more than bottoming since you've never really have had any experiences with it. Lastly, try to be more patient and calm about it and go out and flirt with other people ! don't let this problem stop you, it's not the end of the world and i don't think that things will get any worse than that! Stay Positive and Good Luck!!
As someone who has never had sex with a guy, I can't empathize with you on that part. But I can relate to the health issues, as I am fairly sure I have both issues you mentioned. For the anal fissures, these are apparently due to having very toned anal muscles (great, so this part of me is toned, but not the rest of me - ugh!) There is apparently a procedure that can correct this where they inject Botox in there and it relaxes those muscles, but anytime I've asked a doc about it, they say "nah, you just need to eat more fiber." (I eat plenty but, as usual, doctor's don't listen to patients) For the prostatitis thing - I have this as well. Got the same answer "We don't know and we can't fix it. Also, it might go away in a few years, or may not. See ya!" I don't think I get quite the level of pain you are describing, but I do get some toward the anal area. It's not pleasant. If the gluten-free thing helps, let me know. I'm not sure how that would be connected. I would think eating foods that have anti-inflammatory properties would be good, but dunno. I guess I don't have any direct advice, but wanted to say others have similar issues (in my case, I think pretty similar). You have to find ways to deal with them, to heal them, and work around them while they heal. Like others have said, focus on finding someone who cares about you enough to respect your conditions and help them heal.
Does it make a difference what size a guy is, with regards to your issue? If you find someone who isn't too big, and who can be gentle and patient with you, maybe that would help.
